http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpgL5kuBpMA I would've left Plax alone, but I picked him up in Fantasy this year after drinking too many beers and I'm angry and bitter at his lack of productivity. Regardless, this is pretty funny. (Note to self) Never take gun into NYC.

http://youtu.be/o64Fz-KW1Dk This is just a microcosm of what's wrong with this country that was once the greatest in the world. These losers, whether a parody video or not, are sensationalizing the dishonesty and abuse of a system designed to help the needy. I don't consider the needy people decked out in expensive sneakers, new hats, brand name jeans, etc. Welfare will never work and as time goes on, it becomes increasingly more apparent. Actions like this from capable, healthy potential earners is an insult to the droves of people that came to this country through Ellis Island battling disease and poverty for the opportunity to create their own future. So many of the people that created the most businesses and contributed to the most successful industries started in poverty because poverty with opportunity was better than the country they came from. I know many of you will watch this video and laugh, but honestly, I don't see one damn funny thing about it. In fact, I'm embarrassed. America as we know it is doomed.

Wait, an Olsen sister I don't hate?

I've never known how in the hell those trolls Mark Kate and Ashley Olsen stayed famous after they were filmed pooping their pants as infants on Full House. To add insult to my personal injuries, they amassed a fortune of nearly a billion dollars while stumbling around SoHo in cartoonishly oversized clothes that look like they fished out of a dumpster. While these two turn every bad decision into millions, my life, comparatively speaking, is like a masterpiece of perfectly connected dots that ended up looking like Chaz Bono. Turns out, the Ewoks have a sister. Her name is Elizabeth and boy oh boy, is she pretty. I mean, she's not THAT pretty, but you have to put things in perspective. This chick came from the same jumbled pot of genetics as 3'4" gremlins. Elizabeth isn't a prude either, which makes me very happy. Girls that are stingy with their God given abilities really have no place in my life. Elizabeth is some artsy indie movie and she bears it all. Unlike her sisters, thank God, she needs the money and fame and is willing to do the proper things to get it: Nudity. The movie has been a sundance hit and is called, "Martha Marcy May Marlene." Elizabeth even has some Oscar buzz. More young Hollywood starlets should learn the obvious glaring lesson from this story that I've been preaching for years: Take your clothes off and you'll be popular.

Fame thirsty and rapidly aging heartthrob, Brad Pitt, sat down with Parade Magazine to discuss how miserable his life was with Jennifer Aniston: “I spent the ’90s trying to hide out, trying to duck the full celebrity cacophony,” he admits. “I started to get sick of myself sitting on a couch, holding a joint, hiding out. It started feeling pathetic. It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn’t living an interesting life myself.” “I think that my marriage had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn’t.” Sometimes when I'm staring at Jennifer Aniston's chin, I begin to feel sorry for her. She's almost as unlikable as Madonna or Gwyneth Paltrow...almost I guess that's what happens when you essentially spend your entire life in the lap of luxury while having people kiss your ass at every turn. Ironically though, Jennifer can pay enough to make people love her. Her husband leaves her for Hollywood's badgirl and meanwhile, she can't make a movie that brings more than three people to the theater to support her. She must be absoutely horrible to spend time around. Can you imagine having a girlfriend that has an ass like Aniston and is probably worth a hundred million dollars or more and yet she still can't do anything interesting enough to keep you engaged.

CHETUMAL, Mexico (AP) — Police say a woman was caught trying to sneak her common-law-husband out of a Mexican prison in a suitcase following a conjugal visit.

A spokesman for police in the Caribbean state of Quintana Roo says staff at the prison in Chetumal noticed that the woman seemed nervous and was pulling a black, wheeled suitcase that looked bulky.

Spokesman Gerardo Campos said Monday that prison guards checked the bag of 19-year-old Maria del Mar Arjona and found inmate Juan Ramirez Tijerina curled up inside in the fetal position.

Ramirez is serving a 20-year sentence for a 2007 conviction for illegal weapons possession.

Arjona was arrested and charges are pending.

If this article had been comprised only of the first sentence, i would completely be sucked into this story. Of course she has a common law husband and of course she's on a conjugal visit in a Mexican prison. It's too good to be untrue. This is like something you'd see in a movie directed by Quintin Tarantino and Robert Rodriquez, but instead of getting busted, the dude would come out of the suitcase with machine guns. You gotta do better than be married to this walking bowling ball, I know that. If you're gonna get a busted out of prison on a conjugal visit, she better look like Salma Hayak or Sofia Vagara. This dude obviously has no swagger on his block.

My Apologies...

Let me apologize for the hiatus of Exposedandnaked. I've been in the weight room pumping IRON and injecting horse steroids. No seriously, it's been a trying and unforgiving summer. Honestly, it just boils down to me being not that talented of a writer and very little content to blog about. It's my intent to right the ship, so-to-speak, so if any of you see anything funny, then please share. I especially like stories of people making catastrophic mistakes that usually leads them to a vacation of about 15 or 20. Also, those stories usually involve the state of Florida. I'm particularly fond of any of those, so please send them all. In a completely unrelated story to anyone in Florida, today alleged naked photos of rocketship Scarlett Johannson hit the web, but since I'm destitute and don't have a lawyer on retainer, I'm gonna direct you to www.wwtdd.com to see them so I don't get sued. Thank Brendan...he's damn funny. See you soon. Out-

Javaris Crittenton is a consummate professional, oh, and a murderer.

Javaris Crittenton never had a chance to establish a reputation in the NBA before he became notorious. He was the other, seemingly insignificant half in one of the most embarassing incidents the Wizards franchise has had to face. Crittenton was an injured, undistinguished player buried on the Wizards’ bench when he got caught up in the infamous locker-room gun incident with Gilbert Arenas in December 2009 — a situation that led to both players getting suspended from the league for the rest of the season, Arenas spending time in a halfway house, and Crittenton pleading guilty a misdemeanor gun charge and a year of probation.

Now, nearly 19 months after he pleaded guilty to possession of an unregistered firearm, Crittenton faces a homicide charge in the death of Jullian Jones, a mother of four. Atlanta police allege that Crittenton fired gunshots from a black Chevy Tahoe. Jones, whose age has been reported either 22 or 23, was struck in the leg and later died during surgery, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported.


Let's face the reality of this situation. Javaris Crittenton is a moron and a punk. When you're a GT basketball star, a first round draft pick in the NBA, and you make millions, how hard can it be to stay away from guns and violence. Enjoy about 20 years in the clink, Javaris. Other than the mother of four that lost her life senselessly, the other sad part of this story is that because of his money, he'll plead out of the death penalty. I love the State using my money to keep useless human beings like this alive in jail for 20+ years.

Hey Ya'll...I wanna teach and stuff like that.

In a recent interview, everyone's favorite trailer park millionaire sex symbol, Britney Spears, talked about the things she would've done with her life had she not sold her soul to the devil for fame and fortune:

“Career-wise I’d probably be a teacher,” Britney, 29, tells PopJustice.com. “I love kids and even in what I do now one of my favorite parts of my day is getting to meet my fans before the show. Especially the little ones. They are always so cute.”

Either that, or a stay-at-home mom: “I’d be raising my family. Being a mom. I’m very strong in the way I raise my kids and stuff.”

Yeah Britney, of course. You're form rural Louisiana, what else could you do besides be a stay at home mom? I guess there's always operating a successful meth lab in your trailer. You know, when I think of teachers influencing the lives of our youth, I think of character, stability and intelligence...ya'll!

What she's really saying is, "Thank Jesus I hit the lottery of all lotterys and since I was 8 I've grown increasingly out of touch with reality, but if that weren't enough to piss you off, if I couldn't do this for millions and millions, I guess I would be someone normal and poor like a teacher."

In a related story, if Jeffrey Dahmer weren't caught with severed penises and human heads in his apartment in Milwaukee, he would've been the best scout leader the world has ever seen (Not a true story).

Republicans, blame yourselves.

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As the election of 2012 approaches, I sit scratching my head in bewilderment. I don't have a problem with Barack Obama. I loathe his policies, but to be honest, he's behaving and governing just as he has with every office he's held up to this point. Doing what he said he was going to do, albeit detrimental and devastating to this country and economy, is more than I can say for George W Bush and countless other Republicans who ran on limiting the Federal Government and its spending. I know Ron Paul is considered a loose cannon, much like Perot in 1992. This isn't 1992, though. We're facing worldwide economic peril due to unprecedented debt in both foreign and domestic economies, falling currencies, rising gold prices due to market trepidation and a President that believes spending and taxing will bail us out. It like a perfect storm of what NOT to do in a a recession. I know most liberals, like Stewart, support Paul, much like they did in 92, because he, like Perot, can divide the Republican vote and earn Obama another 4 more years. As perilous as that may be, I'm ready to send a message to the Republican party. Most young, tax paying, contributing Americans, that are sick of empty promises made by both parties are willing to crawl across the desert for a third party, especially if the best we have the Republicans have to offer are Romney, Bauchman and Perry. Is Paul electable, probably not. Is he over-the-top, yep. You can say all those things and support them fairly effectively, but you can't say that he caves to interest groups, breaks promises about increasing the size of government, or wants to continue sending our troops to fight a war we can never win. Bin laden is dead. We need to bring our troops home and like Paul said, put them on the border of Mexico. That's where our war is being lost. I'm disgusted by this election already. Washington sickens me.

I love to witness the demise of people who neglect children.

First, let me say a thank you to Ashley who sent this gem of a video to me. There are so many things that make this video spectacular. I love how excited these people are to be getting these tickets. They all seem to have found the money to come to the stadium and pay for 8.00 soft drinks, but when it comes to extra money for their children, well, they're just too broke. Kudos to the Lee County Sheriff's Office. Ingenuity like this should be rewarded. It seems police officers just spend a lot of time driving around talking on their cell phones and increasing their BMI's (in shape, honorable officers excluded). When people from the north wonder what the big deal is about college football you should send them this video. You know you live in a state where college football is just about all there is when you can set up a criminal sting around free Auburn/Alabama tickets. Gosh, I'm still smiling over these low life child abusers going to jail.

P.S. My favorite part of this whole video are the balloons, the jerseys and the Black Eyed Peas wailing in the background.

Trust me youre gonna wanna see this video:

www.exposedandnaked.blogspot.com

Marissa Miller is gross.

Not only am I ridiculously in love with this supermodel, but now Im jealous of her father's abs. My God, can a guy catch a break around here. Just one or the other...I'm secretly hoping for the supermodel paddle surfing in 4" heels, but if you think the abs are a better fit, you know more than I. Amen-

George Clooney and this/his Italian Villa win....BIG TIME.

Krista Allen (2002-04)


Elisabetta Canalis (2009-2011)


Stacey Keibler (2011- )


I guess like 40 years ago George Clooney was desirable, but this is 2011. Unless you're living at the Playboy Mansion, total hip replacements, gray hair and yellow teeth probably don't do it for you. That said, Clooney keeps fooling gorgeous women. You see, thousands of years ago, when men earned their mates based on attractiveness, overall health, and competitive battles, money didn't matter; however, again, this is 2011 and money has become something that can trump all instinctual signs that point to a mate. Now, in today's world, good genes don't matter, unless those genes are made of 100 dollar bills. Clooney better thank his lucky Hollywood star because without that kind of jack, he's be the creepy old guy at sales meetings talking and laughing loud in his attempt to lure some impressionable, depressed young woman into a bad decision.

There are certainly worse problems, one would think.

Cirque du Soleil for strippers

There's exotic dancing and there's this. There's no way this girl is anything but a Pole Dancing Fitness instructor that spends endless hours working on her CORE. I could live my entire life for the next three years doing P90X 15 hours a day and there's no way I could get the strength to do the things this girl does in one terrible URSHER song. If competitive cheerleading is "considered a sport", then how can this not?

Pastor Ricky Bobby delivers prayer before Nascar event.

Who am i to know what God endorses and what he doesn't, but I really really hope, considering all the death and destruction in the world, this prayer for racecar fuel and tires is way down the list.

Part 2 of the most influential photos ever captured.

I got a lot of feedback on the last post with all the photos. I pulled a few more. Considering the barbaric nature of these photos, it's hard to imagine these events took place within the last 100 years.























American Heroism
































Gettysburg






Holocaust Atrocities


Nuremberg 1934

The gay guys at GQ finally get one right.

I have to assume the editors of Maxim and GQ and Esquire etc are gay because they almost always have zero clue what a heterosexual man desires. Whether it's Chrstina Hendricks wrapped up in three miles of velvet, rolling around on a bed like a bleeding albino elephant, or telling us how fashionable skinny jeans are for dudes, they couldn't hit the ocean standing on the beach. It's embarassing really. Regardless for the criticism, this here is a job well done. If I had to guess, I would think the best parts of Friends With Benefits have all been shown in the trailer, but nonetheless, when there is a girl this hot, I'm compelled to see the movie. It's almost like when Rent or Mamma Mia came to the big screen, I knew they wouldn't stand up to the musical, but how can you not see them. "525,600 minutes, how do you measure, measure a year." Wait, what just happened? I blacked out. What was I saying? Oh yeah, I remember. Those gay guys over at GQ have no clue what's going on. Thanks, Jay, for the heads up on these pics. You've done us all a favor.

This is what no makeup should look like.

I'm not sure what Germans do to their people, but damn Heidi Klum is beautiful. She makes me dizzy like Ive been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. I keep thinking that one day soon I'm gonna open up the internet and see some horrific, scary picture of this woman, but instead, like wine, she just becomes more lovely. In my next life, I'm gonna be born a German supermodel that's just dying to give a guy like me a chance...wait, what?