Monday, April 25, 2011

Best Story of the Year Part Deux .



LODI, Calif. -- Lodi police arrested Shawn Batie, 42, at 9:41 p.m. on Friday night after they said he was found under the influence of methamphetamines.

Officers responded to a call in the area of Beckman Road just north of Harney Lane where a man later identified as Batie was found standing in the dirt next to the cemetery with a flashlight, yelling in the dark.

Police said that Batie was wearing an Oakland Raiders jacket, a g-string and a hair scrunchie around his genitals. He was also wearing socks.

Officers said that he was very jittery and his pupils were dilated. They took him into custody on suspicion of being under the influence, which was later confirmed at the jail where it was discovered that he was also a parolee at-large, police said.

Police said once at the jail, Batie proceeded to smear his feces on the walls.

Of course he's on meth. He's wearing a scrunchie on his junk. First of all, it's 2011...where the hell do you find a scrunchie? Second, he thought to put it around his junk. There's like two hundred questions I still have after that. What would cause this you ask. One simple explanation: M.E.T.H.

If you're clueless to the ways of the underworld and still not sold on the substance that causes you to act like this, watch Batie back at the station...cause he's wiping his fecal matter on the walls. So let's recap: 1). Scrunchies around junk. 2). Wiping your feces on walls.

Case closed: M.E.T.H.

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