Ch...Ch...Ch...Chia

Socialite, make-believe actor, and notorious butter-face, Audrina Patridge, has finally realized her stock should be shorted and has settled for a relationship with her male unfamous counterpart, Ryan Cabrerra. At least she knows her place on the evolutionary ladder of reproductive fitness. Every single time she leaves her house, I bet she refers to her Post-It note attached to her fridge: Accentuate expensive drips of golden silicone honey to divert attention from Chia Pet boyfriend. Hollywood has become a complete joke. Imagine Clark Gable, Katharine Hepburn, Marlon Brando, Ingrid Bergman, Humphrey Bogart, Grace Kelly, Carey Grant, or Mae West hanging out at a Hollywood Party with the cast from the The Hills or Jersey Shore. I hate Hollywood more than Whitney Houston.

Ch..ch..ch..chia

Socialite, make-believe actor, and notorious butter-face, Audrina Patridge, has finally realized her stock should be shorted and has settled for a relationship with her male unfamous counterpart, Ryan Cabrerra. At least she knows her place on the evolutionary ladder of reproductive fitness. Every single time she leaves her house, I bet she refers to her Post-It note attached to her fridge: Accentuate expensive drips of golden silicone honey to divert attention from Chia Pet boyfriend. Hollywood has become a complete joke. Imagine Clark Gable, Katharine Hepburn, Marlon Brando, Ingrid Bergman, Humphrey Bogart, Grace Kelly, Carey Grant, or Mae West hanging out at a Hollywood Party with the cast from the Hills. I hate Hollywood more than Whitney Houston.

The Hills are a lock for an Emmy sweep.

For all I know, the Hills could be a show on Discovery HD about the dangers of breastfeeding, but let me say if this is what you get by tuning in, I'm a fan. I would follow her "Tweets" into Dante's 9 levels of Hell. I actually hate myself for liking her because she adheres to everything I despise in "so-called" stars. She's essentially been famous for being famous. Now, however, she's famous because she turns what would be a "6" bikini picture, into a rocket "10" Annie Lebowitz. I know she's got a fake rack...let's don't get lost in the details ladies. TomAto, Tomahto.