Esquire and I love this chick.

According to blogs much more in sync than mine, Katrina Bowden will be their Sexiest Woman Alive. I have no clue who this Katrina girl is, but I really really really want to know. We are in witnessing a major lull in talent in Hollywood, and by talent, I mean hot girls I can thirst for. Well, this is jackpot. I can't wait to hurry and finish typing so I can IMDB Katrina and then set up my DVR. Ahhh...the simple joys of life.



David, sorry man, but Kate Upton can't compete with this.

Well hello muffin...

Keri Russell is one of those female enigmas of Hollywood. She's always had a striking natural beauty, except for that season where she cut her hair off and it started to resemble an afro. Aside from that season, she's been great. A few years ago, I thought for sure she was breaking out when she played a small part in Mission: Impossible 3. After that, she played the lead in a great indie film, Waitress, and then as Adam Sandler girlfriend in Bedtime Stories. Her career is so weird to me. I just don't understand how girls like this, with acting chops and a gorgeous face, can't become a leading lady, yet Jessica Alba and Megan Fox take the industry by storm. It's disappointing. If I had known in 1998 that Felicity would grow up to look like this, I would've certainly paid a little more attention to the show when my girlfriend begged me to watch it. I would've also paid for a subscription to Esquire, cause my penis is in love.

Kate Beckinsale lights a fag and my underoos

Don't get me wrong, I've always found Kate Beckinsale attractive. Her accent alone is enough to completely intoxicate you, but at the same time, ironically, I find her a little overrated. I can't really identify the reasons for my juxtaposition, but I'm pretty sure that it has something to do with her raging nicotine habit. She smokes like a freight train on fire. Having sex with Kate Beckinsale, as enticing as it sounds, would be like using your penis to draw circles in a dirty ashtray. I think just one night of passion with her would lead to chronic smoking halitosis, an artificial vibrating voicebox, and lung cancer. Despite being the Marlboro Woman, these pictures are proof that good lighting, airbrushing and unhealthy obsessions with famous actresses and models, make you look really, really sexy.


**For those that don't read or have a clue, a fag is a British term for Cigarette. If you didn't know that, please don't read my blog again.