You're gorgeous. I'm speechless.

The Screen Actors Guild Awards were last night. Basically the SAG Awards are just an opportunity for a large group of grossly overpaid, largely uneducated, narcissists to get together and tell each one another how awesome they are. "They" say that the SAG awards are more indicative of the Oscars and I say, they better be. Inglorious Basterds did well last night and was also the best film I saw made last year. Christoph Waltz, as a disparaging and insufferable member of the SS Guard, was flawless. Tarantino, again penned a masterpiece of witty and brilliantly laborous dialogue that left you begging for more. Ironically, the one shortfall was Pitt. His character was forced and unintentionally comical. To me, he was the one flaw of the whole film. I hope Tarantino gets one for Best Direction. He's long overdue and much deserving. Despite all the talk of Tarantino's baby, I couldn't care less. When Kate Hudson brings to the red carpet a dress like this, I can't think of anything except copulation and massive amounts of it. I've said before, she's one of the hottest in Hollywood. When she arrives at awards shows, other girls shoot daggers at her. She's an absolute rocket. This white dress makes me want to commit a crime. Seriously, thank you Kate. You made my day.

Kate infinitely lowers my inhibitions...

Although I despise Cameron Crowe worse than cancer and hockey, I can say that nearly everything he did in regard to Almost Famous was complete and total genius. The soundtrack alone was one of the most defining moments in film making history. Better than that though, was Crowe taking a chance on a young Kate Hudson to play one of the supporting leads as "Band Aid," Penny Lane. That casting decision in itself took this film to cult superstardom and earned Crowe an Oscar for screenwriting and her a nomination for Best Supporting Actress. She was a young new face, charasmatic, refreshing, innocently sexy, bubbly yet withdrawn and disgustingly and effortlessly talented. An Oscar nomination later and Kate Hudson is a household name and an American heartwarmer. She even morphed into a gorgeous woman as the apple didn't fall far from the tree...that is if your assessment of Goldie Hawn was taken 23 surgeries ago. As you can see by these pics, Kate Hudson is going to torment her young son. His friends are going to be begging to come over for a sleepover and Kate's gonna always wonder why her son refuses to allow them. I'll tell you why. It's because every man on earth would want a piece off this chick. She's so sexy it makes my gonads hurt. If there is any criticism of Kate, one could argue it makes her even cooler and sexier, and that's her bird cage chest. No kidding, my breasts are three cup sizes larger than hers. What makes me pissed is that I dig it. I guess it reminds me of me. It reminds me of all those late nights I spend sitting in the bed crying after yet another failed attempt at losing my virginity. If only it were smaller. If only I weren't known around Hedonism I, II, and III as Girth Brooks.