Derek Jeter is the anti-Christ

Minka Kelly must have been kissed by Aphrodite. Is there another way a girl could be this beautiful. Actually, you know what, there is another way. Turns out this mocha-skinned beauty is the daughter of a former exotic dancer...so in a way, she could've been brought into this world by a dancer named Aphrodite. I don't know about you, but I've never seen an Angel, Fantasia, Cinnamon, Candy, Charisma, Allure, or of course, a Destiny that looks like this. I never got on the Friday Night Lights bandwagon, but man-o-man, this girl makes me want to date a stripper. You have to figure that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. If that's true, there's some cougar/former dancer with an uncanny resemblence to Minka Kelly. In fact, Minka just could've been her mom's stage name. I'm like Sherlock Holmes.

Minka Kelly keeps trying.

Last night Minka Kelly was walking the red carpet for something and looking ridiculously hot doing it. As she made her way down the red carpet, someone screamed her name. As she turned around, they were holding up a picture of me. This photo was taken at that precise moment. It's a curse to have such a savage and animalistic effect on women. There are times when I'm moisturizing and flexing in the mirror and I pray that my gift of love would be stripped by God. I'm so tired of supermodels, actresses and Minka Kelly. These thirsty gestures of sexual desire and sin have become my scarlett letter Aa and I'm exhausted.