I must be dreaming

Today, I awoke for the first time in 309 days without being subjected to every television station including Telemundo covering the untimely death of Michael Jackson. In honor of the great entertainer, I did only wear one latex glove in the operating room today. I also grabbed my package and spun around three times with my finger pointed in the air. Aside from that though, despite a month long run of famous people dying, there's hardly no news I can write about...except for this gem.

A friend of Lorenzo Llamas, the former star of Renegade and once husband to former playmate, Shauna Sands, revealed to Star magazine that the demise of their marriage is attibuted to her getting close to Lorenzo's son...and by close, I mean playing hide the sausage.

One of Lorenzo's friends tells Star that Shauna's scandalous affair with his son is the reason why their marriage ended in 2002. The friend added, "Shauna came on to A.J. It was the ultimate betrayal. Lorenzo had no idea; he was in the dark about the whole thing. He thought Shauna was acting like a mom to A.J. He had no clue that she was his son's lover!"

When you take one look at this chick, you'd have to be brain dead to not see this coming. In fact, if a barrel full of flaming monkeys raped me tonight in my sleep, I would be less surprised than Shauna Sands banging her stepson.

Neverland is to MJ as Wine Coolers are to Pedophiles

I promised myself that I wouldn't jump on the MJ train with everyone else in the world, but here of course, I cannot refrain. First, two weeks ago, no one on earth thought this guy wasn't a raging pedophile that used to be black. Now, all of the sudden, he's a magical humanitarian that showed his compassion all over the world through various organizations. I hate to talk about the dead...I think...well actually I really don't think I care one way or the other...especially when he's a rapist. MJ was like Peter Pan if Peter Pan flew into little boys rooms and instead of taking them flying through the night with Tinkerbell, took their anal virginity. He was a sick, abused, albeit talented entertainer with a tragic childhood and an affection for young boys, eccentricities and monkeys(not sure where he fit in). I just find it amusing how all of the sudden the media can't find one thing they don't love about this guy. It's a love fest. Well, guys...if I'm macaulay culkin, corey feldman, or any of the countless others he either paid off (go to hell parents that accepted money) or silenced with threats, the only thing I'm saying tonight is WHEW!

To me, as more evidence surfaces, this looks more and more like an assisted suicide. Knowing that the huge comeback tour was scheduled and based on the evidence that he was too frail and unhealthy to perform, I think all signs point to the obvious. The SUN is reporting he weighed 8 Stones 1 Ounce. That's 113 pounds.
He was 5"11". That's a really really sick body. No food in his sotmach, just pillls and he was completely bald. Unless you're a T-Total Moron though, you should know his hair has changed just a wee bit since his days as an ABC123 performer. Listen, I hope the guy finds peace for once, but come on, we're not talking about the Pope here. Please just stop with the love parade.

1958-2009

Michael Jackson, an icon of pop music and perhaps the most famous person since Elvis Presley, passed away today from an apparrent heart attack. Although tragic, 8 year old boys sleep much better tonight knowing he's not trying to spoon them.