Bless her heart...

Jessica Simpson is like a stupidity ninja.

"Daisy meant the world to me," she told Usmagazine.com at a QVC event in NYC Tuesday. "I hold her memory very, very close. It was an unfortunate thing what happened. That I don't have her every day ... It's a very hard thing to talk about."

The 5-year-old Malti-Poo went missing on Sept. 14 in Los Angeles. That night, she created a missing dog poster that read "I Miss My Mommy ... Daisy" all over her neighborhood. After a frantic weeks-long search, Simpson gave up.

Simpson has mixed feelings on whether she'll buy another dog, but she's sure how Daisy would feel about it. "I haven't really thought about another dog yet, but maybe sometime. [Daisy] would want that."

Daisy would want that? I miss my mommy? WTF is she talking about? Her dog would want that? No she wouldn't. Her dog doesn't give 2 shits. All dogs want is to be cared for aka (BE FED), and have sex with another dog if they still have their working parts, your leg if they don't. Being taken out is optional because they'll be more than happy to drop a deuce on your floor or pee on the fake ficus tree in the corner. Jessica Simpson is so dumb, I'm surprised she can carry out normal daily activities. It wouldn't shock me if some mornings she uses hair gel for tooth paste and q-tips for tampons. Dating her would be like dating a dalmation. They're beautiful to look at, but you know at any second they're going to truly amaze you with their overwhelming propensity for doing and saying stupid things.

Now we're talking...

Chestica Simpson can wear things like this and make everyone forget either, how poorly dressed she was in those high waisted jeans, or how much weight she had gained. I bet she hasn't eaten or drunk since then, but if you have a body like this, you have a responsibility to maximize its potential. Wearing high waisted mom jeans is not fullfilling that responsibility. Untalented pop stars like Simpson need to learn to "get it" like Britney, Shakira, Beyonce, and Taylor Swift "get it." They know their target audience and appease them with their unsaid requests. Beyonce's audience, they want a big ass and legs. Taylor Swift's audience of young girls, they want cowboy boots and songs about being 15 years old. Shakira's audience, they want Latin beats and Espanol latent lyrics. Britney, they want sex and she delivers better than anyone. The major problem is that Simpson's audience wants all of these things. That's why she hasn't "found herself" as an artist. If she would give up on ballads, dump her disturbing, doofus, dad as her manager, and join the Britney train, she would sell out everywhere. The problem is, she can't act at all, and she can't fit in the music industry regardless of country, pop, or adult contemporary because she has no guidance or identity. That's what happens when you become famous for being famous. Reality TV doesn't always equal success. Nonetheless, Chestica, do us all a favor. Until you figure out your career path, you'll maintain your notoriety by dressing like a slut in a country and western bar.