Despite spending seven long uneventful years, using all my waking hours and endless resources to relocate, I drove back down and spent the weekend in Jacksonville Florida. The trip was necessary because we finally rented our house that's been on the market since sometime before the spring of 1991. Since we didn't have water turned on at our house, we decided to stay with two of my best friends in Jax Beach. Their place is great, Ocean front, ample space, private pool and hot tub. I'm not sure why this is, but like Peter Pan, we refuse to accept our age and grow up. Most 32 year olds spend beach weekends with their kids, sunburning their enormous bellies, and building sand castles, but we spend ours pickling our livers. Tomato-Tomahto. Regardless of whether you think we're childish, we have a great time. This weekend was extra special.
You see, my friend Chris is one-of-a-kind. On a scale of responsible and act-your-age, I'm like a 5 with 1 being a complete and total mess, 10 being a father of three. Chris is barely a 2. Don't get me wrong, he's got a good job, he's responsible for bills (sometimes), but his life is just a diaphanous miasma of inebriated hook-ups, horrific hangovers and naked soirees. Friday and Sat were no different. Sat morning, I woke up feeling like my liver was shutting down...no seriously. I had feelings of hopelessness, I had the shakes, and just to simply breathe felt like a chore of monumental proportions. I had almost zero recollection of anything that occurred between the hours of 3:30am-11:00am. That's too bad for me because a lot transpired. Just as I was waking up feeling worse than ever, my wife looked at me and said, "Do you remember what happened last night?" I responded, "No...what?" She said, "There was a naked girl in our bed." See, this is where things get particularly confusing. On a level of things you want to hear, as a man, that ranks pretty high, but something was telling me this had not gone that route. Instead, she informed me that in the middle of the night, I had gotten up to use the restroom and crawled over her which she found odd. Why would I not just get up out of my side. The reason was because there was a naked girl lying beside me. You see, my friend Chris had pounced on a little wounded fawn as he was leaving the bar and brought her back to the house. Sometime in the middle of the night, and after a barrage of immoral fornicating, she had gotten up to use the restroom, got confused, and wandered into our room. Now, as I was in the bathroom my wife had gotten up and walked over to the naked girl lying fully exposed. She taps her on the naked shoulder. "Excuse me. Aren't you in the wrong room?" The naked girl, or as I will refer to her, WFNG (Wounded Fawn Naked Girl), replies, "No. Are you in the wrong room?" My wife then says, "No you're definitely in the wrong room." I guess at this point she hears me in the bathroom and asks, "Is that Chris in there?" My wife replies, "No That's Trey." WFNG sits up so fast and covers her naked surgically augmented breasts. "OMG," she says. She jumps out of bed and runs out of the room but then realizes she has no clothes on and people are out in the other room. She comes back in and grabs one of my T-Shirts from the floor and runs out. Now these are times when I shine with some witty comment, but I was so inebriated, I must have thought that was completely normal because I just got back into bed and fell back asleep. Then, the next morning, I had no memory of the events. This sounds like college stories, but this happened less than two days ago. I could dream up a story and it wouldn't be even close to as awesome as this story. This all happened. Despite the fuzzy details, it's awesome being me and choosing friends like Chris to add entertainment to my life and my bed.
