1971-2010

I hesitated making a comment about this train wreck, but because I loved almost every movie he made in the 80's, I thought I'd at least say something. E! Television interviewed Haim during one of his many losing battles with various drugs, namely pills. Needless to say, things didn't go well...or as he says, "Things weren't going my way." Well Corey, stumping your toe or getting a speeding ticket is an example of things not going your way. When your self-proclaimed Valium habit is 85 pills/day, I'd say that goes a little beyond stumped toes and speeding. Below is Corey at his best and worst:

I bet she's eaten those dogs by now too...

Former Baywatch babe, Nicole Eggert, announced she'll be joining Celebrity Fit Club on VH1 this season. You may know Nicole from the 1992 movie, Blown Away, with Corey Haim. Corey Haim was never seen after that movie because I'm pretty sure she ate him. Someone needs to get to the bottom of this mystery because I really liked Corey Haim...especially when he played that kid on that show Different Strokes...wait, no, that was Gary Coleman. Nevermind.

My mammary isn't as good as it used to be...

Everytime I see Heather Graham, I'm immediately thrust back into the time when the Corey's were famous. A time when shooting your jeans with a shotgun was awesome and the girl on the car in the Whitesnake video wasn't fat or schizophrenic. I remember The Lost Boys, Slip-n-Slides, banana clips, vision street wear, Ocean Pacific, and neon homemade bracelets. Although above all else going on in my pathetic adolescent life, when the goddess, Heather Graham, appeared to me as a gift from God in License to Drive, all other dreams girls sans Alyssa Milano, were on the backburner. I made it my lifelong ambition to date a girl named Mercedes. Sadly, and not, that never happened. All that said, over the years Heather Graham has struggled like a midget on tall day to find parts in Hollywood largely because she has no talent, but partly because she doesn't wear outfits like this that accentuate her "eyes" more often. If I were her agent, I would insist that her pathway to super stardom would be paved with gold if, and only if, she change her name to Mercedes and starred in License to Drive 2: My Daughter Porsche learns to drive...rated NC-17.