Showing posts with label jennifer's body. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jennifer's body. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

You're hot...wait, who are you again?






Amanda Seyfried has been in big movies for a while now. I just realized like three weeks ago, she was in Mean Girls. I mean, that was made so long ago, Lindsay Lohan was famous. My point is this: who in the hell is Amanda Seyfried? I'm not sure who she is, but I'm quite sure why she's famous. You see, there's something very marketable about young, vivacious, blonde chicks that have no reservations about taking off their clothes "for the right role" or if it "develops the character". To further my point, two movies ago no one besides her mother even knew this chick's name. That all changed though in Jennifer's Body, where she created a stir by kissing Megan Fox. Then, Amanda threw caution to the wind and starred in Chloe, opposite Julianne Moore, with whom she had a myriad of steamy nudity-filled sex scene. It's not that she's all that hot. Sure, she's attractive, but what young twenty something in Hollywood isn't. She's barely above average if you really 1-10 her. The point is she took her clothes off and got famous. Really Famous. She's basically like the "IT" girl now. She's got scripts flying at her left and right. That's Hollywood for you. It's not that this is the first time nudity brought chicks to the promised land of the Silver Screen: Halle Berry in Monster's Ball, Gwyneth Paltrow in Shakespeare in Love, Kate Winslet in, well, every movie, but you get my point. Hollywood is very easy to figure out if you're a young attractive female. Get naked=Get Roles. Sexist...yes. Unfair...maybe. Being young and attractive and taking your clothes off is the male equivalent of playing the mentally challenged and earning critical acclaim: Tom Hanks=Forrest Gump, Sean Penn=I am Sam, Daniel Day Lewis=My Left Foot, Dustin Hoffman=Rain Man, Leo DiCaprio=Gilbert Grape, Russell Crowe=A Beautiful Mind. Call me insensitive or crazy, but you can't call me a liar. Ironically, a group of liberal elitists that pride themselves on social acceptance for all people are the single most exploitative group on the planet. If you're gonna charge me 12.00 per movie, you better at least give me something exciting. Hey, at least I'm honest about wanting to see girls take their clothes off.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Megan Fox proves being arrogant, stupid, and talentless is more important than being hot


Megan Fox flexed her Hollywood muscles over the weekend to bring up the rear rear at the box office. Jennifer's Body finishing 5th at the box office with a wretched 6.8 million in ticket sales is the biggest surprise since Jessica Simpson failed at country music or since when my restraining order against the Victoria's Secret Angels was issued. Finally America has held Hollywood idiots accountable. I'm more sick of Megan Fox than a Britney/Lindsay sandwich. Anyone with a Marilyn Monroe tattoo on their forearm that looks like it was drawn by a third grader has to be crazier than hell. Someone please close the book on this chick. She's like a dollar tree version of Angelina Jolie. If you're one that's paid money to see Jennifer's Body, you couldn't be more dead to me.


1. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs $30,100,000
2. The Informant! $10,545,000
3. Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself $10,060,000
4. Love Happens $8,456,000
5. Jennifer's Body $6,800,000

This is the open letter written by the crew of Transformers 1 and 2 defending Michael Bay after Megan Fox blasted him: It's long, but truly reveals what kind of insufferable pain in the ass this dumb ass girl can actually be to people that "made" her.

This is an open letter to all Michael Bay fans. We are three crew members that have worked with Michael for the past ten years. Last week we read the terrible article with inflammatory, truly trashing quotes by the Ms. Fox about Michael Bay. This letter is to set a few things straight.
Yes, Megan has great eyes, a tight stomach we spray with glycerin, and an awful silly Marilyn Monroe tattoo plastered on her arm that we cover up to keep the moms happy.
Michael found this shy, inexperienced girl, plucked her out of total obscurity thus giving her the biggest shot of any young actresses' life. He told everyone around to just trust him on his choice. He granted her the starring role in Transformers, a franchise that forever changed her life; she became one of the most googled and oogled women on earth. She was famous! She was the next Angelina Jolie, hooray! Wait a minute, two of us worked with Angelina – second thought – she’s no Angelina. You see, Angelia is a professional.
We know this quite intimately because we’ve had the tedious experience of working with the dumb-as-a-rock Megan Fox on both Transformers movies. We've spent a total of 12 months on set making these two movies.
We are in different departments; we can’t give our names because sadly doing so in Hollywood could lead to being banished from future Paramount work. One of us touches Megan’s panties, the other has the often shitty job of pulling Ms. Sourpants out of her trailer, while another is near the Panaflex camera that helps to memorialize the valley girl on film.
Megan has the press fooled. When we read those magazines we wish we worked with that woman. Megan knows how to work her smile for the press. Those writers should try being on set for two movies, sadly she never smiles. The cast, crew and director make Transformers a really fun and energetic set. We’ve traveled around the world together, so we have never understood why Megan was always such the grump of the set?
When facing the press, Megan is the queen of talking trailer trash and posing like a porn star. And yes we’ve had the unbearable time of watching her try to act on set, and yes, it's very cringe-able. So maybe, being a porn star in the future might be a good career option. But make-up beware, she has a paragraph tattooed to her backside (probably due her rotten childhood) — easily another 45 minutes in the chair!
So when the three of us caught wind of Ms Fox, pontificating yet again in some publication (like she actually has something interesting to say) blabbing her trash mouth about a director whom we three have grown to really like. She compared working with Michael, to “working with Hitler”. We actually don’t think she knows who Hitler is by the way. But we wondered how she doesn’t realize what a disgusting, fully uneducated comment this was? Well, here let’s get some facts straight.
Say what you want about Michael – yes at times he can be hard, but he's also fun, and he challenges everyone for a reason – he simply wants people to bring their ‘A’ game. He comes very prepared, knows exactly what he wants, involves the crew and expects everyone to follow through with his or her best, and that includes the actors. He’s one of the hardest working directors out there.
He gets the best from his crews, many of whom have worked with him for 15 years. And yes, he’s loyal, one of the few directors we’ve encountered who lowered his fee by millions to keep Transformers in the United States and California, so he could work with his own crew.
Megan says that Transformers was an unsafe set? Come on Megan, we know it is a bit more strenuous then the playground at the trailer park, but you don’t insult one of the very best stunt and physical effects teams in the business! Not one person got hurt!
And who is the real Megan Fox? She is very different than the academy nominee and winning actors we’ve all worked around. She’s as about ungracious a person as you can ever fathom. She shows little interest in the crew members around her. We work to make her look good in every way, but she's absolutely never appreciative of anyone’s hard work. Never a thank you. All the crewmembers have stopped saying hi to Ms. Princess because she never says hello back. It gets tiring. Many think she just really hates the process of being an actress.
Megan has been late to the sets many times. She goes through the motions that make her exude this sense of misery. We’ve heard the A.D’s piped over the radio that Megan won’t walk from her trailer until John Turturro walks first! John’s done seventy-five movies and she’s made two!
Never expect Megan to attend any of the 15 or so crew parties like all the other actors have. And then there's the classless night she blew off The Royal Prince of Jordan who made a special dinner for all the actors. She doesn’t know that one of the grips' daughters wanted to visit their daddy’s work to meet Megan, but he wouldn’t let them come because he told them “she is not nice."
The press certainly doesn’t know her most famous line. On our first day in Egypt, the Egyptian government wouldn’t let us shoot because of a permit problem as the actors got ready in make up at the Four Seasons Hotel. Michael tried to make the best of it; he wanted to take the cast and crew on a private tour of the famous Giza pyramids. God hold us witness, Megan said, "I can’t believe Michael is fucking forcing us to go to the fucking pyramids!" I guess this is the “Hitler guy” she is referring to.
So this is the Megan Fox you don’t get to see. Maybe she will learn, but we figure if she can sling insults, then she can take them too. Megan really is a thankless, classless, graceless, and shall we say unfriendly bitch. It's sad how fame can twist people, and even sadder that young girls look up to her. If only they knew who they're really looking up to.
But ‘fame’ is fleeting. We, being behind the scenes, seen em’ come and go. Hopefully Michael will have Megatron squish her character in the first ten minutes of Transformers 3. We can tell you that will make the crew happy!
-Loyal Transformers Crew

Monday, August 31, 2009

I'd rather have the Swine Flu


I haven't been subtle about how much I loathe this stupid broad. Mark my words, her career won't last more than 3 years. There's no way. Tara Reid has infinitely more talent than this chick. What's so ridiculous is how she never fails to tell you how amazing she is and how you can't resist her web of sexual desire. In the the latest issue of Cosmo this useless bimbo reminds me how much I can actually hate a human being.

Megan on commitment: "I have no problem with commitment — you can't have a real relationship without it. I can flip on a switch in my brain, and even if the next Brad Pitt is standing next to me, I won't look at him. But I can also turn that switch off, and then I collect attractive boys."

Megan on boys: "I never call them guys. I always called them boys. Maybe it's a superiority complex — my needing to keep them down."

Megan on being hit on by famous dudes: "It's fun when someone intends to put you in his back pocket, but instead, he walks away wounded. I make it a mind game, so they don't know if I'm hitting on them or mocking them. Male actors drop lines about their private jets, trying to seem powerful, but I don't give a shit. I don't need someone else's power. I'm obtaining my own."

Megan, babe, you're not obtaining power. The only thing you're obtaining is a ahort list of shitty movies on IMDB.COM. You're starring (cough) being cast as a hot body with minimal dialogue, thank God, in horrific movies. You made both Transformers almost unwatchable and they're both filled with Transformers and explosions which happen to be two of my favorite things ever. Your acting talent, or lack thereof, is beyond words. You make Ben Affleck look like Marlon Brando. Telling people you're awesome doesn't make you awesome. It makes you stupid. Jennifer's Body will be a winner opening weekend because kids are stupid and love stupid movies, but after week two, crash and burn. The reason I hate Hollywood is because people like this are famous. If you disagree with me on who's hotter, Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox, consider this...

Angelina Jolie is married to Brad Pitt.

Megan Fox dates Brian Austin Green.


Case closed. I win.