Damn she's fine.

Angelina Jolie showed up to her SALT premiere looking finer than frog hair. While Jolie lit the red carpet on fire, Jennifer Aniston celebrated the release of her 22nd unsuccessful movie in a row to DVD...and when I mean celebrated, I mean cried with Ben and Jerry's in one hand and Brad Pitt's photo in the other. Jennifer Aniston looks like a gremlin fed after midnight compared to this chick. In fact, the only people that wouldn't swim through acid to sleep with her are chicks. Chicks only hate her because she's a ball of sexual destruction and Aniston looks like someone molded her face out of clay. If you're asking yourself why Brad Pitt would leave Aniston for this trashy slut, you're a girl. If you're a dude, get your testosterone levels checked.

Angie, your timing for being gorgeous is perfect.

Angelina Jolie is the arch nemesis of every girl in the world. If you notice, girls always hate her. Girls hate her because she's ridiculously hot, but mostly because they all think she's responsible for stalking Brad Pitt and breaking up him and Jennifer Plainiston. While the girls hate her, the men secretly fantasize about this sex pot. If you don't, look down your pants and make sure your penis hasn't run away from your gay ass. Even 23 kids later, Angelina Jolie still makes my penis want to hump itself. I would wade through a pool of Hepatitis C and Swine Flu just to see her in line at McDonalds. Women this hot simply aren't human. There's no possible way.

Highest Paid Actress is Pretty for Once...

The Hollywood Reporter released its yearly list of the highest paid actresses and to shock no one, the number one actress was Angelina Jolie. You may think she's weird or gross or whatever, but you can't deny her popularity and generosity. What burns my ass though is the rest of the actresses on the list.

2. Julia Roberts (Certified Movie Star) Katherine Hepburn of our generation. No doubt deserved.

3. Reese Witherspoon (one good movie) aside from that Legally Blonde, Fear, Cruel Intentions, Election, Rendition, (no one else saw that either, don't worry) not saying she doesnt deserve it, but she's got a long way to go in my book. Famous because youre famous doesn't demand 20 million a movie.

4. Cameron Diaz (HOLY SHIT) Her last good movie was...well...there was...well there
had to be...she doesn't have one. She's not pretty and she's a terrible thespian. The fact that she makes this list makes me want to go into the bathroom and funnel drano. I am an avid moviegoer and I seriously cannot think of the last movie she has done that didn't include voiceover animation. If you chime in with, What Happens in Vegas, don't eever read my blog again.




5. Kathrine Heigl (God sent me a fax today that said, "Trey, I hate you, God-") The fact that this hideous sea donkey, white trash, smoking, no-talent is on television portraying anything not on National Geographic is a travesty. I can't even say her name without having reflux. If it were up to me and I were a writer on Gay's Anatomy, I would write her getting the Ebola Virus from her schizophrenia induced invisible boyfriend and let her die within the first 3 minutes where no character would mourn her loss, instead rejoice with a party in the cafeteria. I think it's crystal clear how Hollywood has gotten so shitty. How can studios be so confused as to why Hollywood ticket sales are down? Shitty movies, shitty scripts, and shitty actresses, perhaps...just a thought.