Uh...Ashley...Ashley Greene?

My mother shouldn't be allowed to read my blog. It's just not content for moms. Her empty meritless claims that I objectify women is offensive. I would never. Ashley Greene looks weird. I've always thought she was a near flawless beauty, but to be honest, I'm barely turned on by her. These pics were taken in Manhattan this week and I'm not sure what's going on with that shirt, but she should never wear it again. It's hard to articulate the problem. It's like she's shaped funny. She has really broad shoulders coupled with a squatty wide lower torso. Science has proven that men are more sexually attracted to women that have a waist to hip ration of or nearest to 0.7. I'm not sure if she's off of that .7, but something is very wrong here. I don't understand girls sometimes. If you're not fat, don't wear baby doll dresses. It makes you look like you're trying to deceive me. Unless you're pregnant, don't wear tankinis. Just get your ass on a treadmill. I just don't understand. It's the equivalent of a man driving around in a Porsche when under that artificial exterior of wealth, he's really unemployed. Ashley Greene has taken a major step back with me today. I guess now my weekend will be devoted to finding another female obsession that I can objectify with callous and chauvinistic wonder words. TGIF!

jacksonville's single greatest accomplishment...

Sadly, I have seen both installments of Twilight. I couldn't follow the plot, mainly because I was the only person in the theater over 14 and not giggling and texting, but also because of my heavy laborious breathing every time they showed Ashley Greene's face. This girl is so pretty it's not even fair. I loathe Starbucks' 9.00 coffees more than anyone, but if that was the way into Ashley Greene's pants, I would become a master barista. I'm embarrassed to say, but I'm actually super duper excited to see the third Twilight movie. If Ashley Greene was promised to appear naked, I would camp out for days like those girls did in the 80's for New Kids Tickets. I can't think of anything I wouldn't do to be her boyfriend. It may seem like a stretch, but I think I would even sleep with that giant obese girl from Precious if that got me one step closer to Ashley Greene's underpants.

Ashley Greene owns Kristin Stewart

Ashley Greene showed up to the Twiglight premiere in this and I am very thankful. For a year all I've heard about is this and this, both of which are pale and heinous enough to be real vampires. Kristin Stewart makes Lindsay Lohan still seem relevant. I just don't get it. This is the main reason I hate Hollywood so much. It's not about being pretty (Kirstin Dunst), or talented (Megan Fox), it's simply a junior high popularity contest. If you're the new hot thing, nothing can slow your fame train down. Well, if Hollywood executives have any flippin clue, they'll put Ashley Greene in every movie made in 2010. This is a prime example of how premieres should be done. If I am the director of Twilight 3, I'm killing off that lip biting moron, Kristin Stewart, in the first 2 minutes, and the rest of the movie would filled gratuitous nude shower scenes with soapy breasts, self groping, and vampire/human copulation.

Ashley Greene is a rocket.

I'm not joking when I say this, but I have no clue who Ashley Greene is. In fact, until like two weeks ago, I had never heard her name. Now it doesn't bother me that someone slipped under my Who's Who in Hollywood Radar. What bothers me is she's a smokeshow and I haven't seen her covered by paparazzi idiots stalking stars and taking pictures. Are they telling me that I have to have be inundated Jon and Kate, Britney, and Lindsay, but I can't get a little of this? This chick is 91 times hotter than anyone I just named yet I've never heard of her. This just pisses me off. Well, here is Ashley Greene primarily because you're not gonna get her anywhere else. Thank me later.