jacksonville's single greatest accomplishment...

Sadly, I have seen both installments of Twilight. I couldn't follow the plot, mainly because I was the only person in the theater over 14 and not giggling and texting, but also because of my heavy laborious breathing every time they showed Ashley Greene's face. This girl is so pretty it's not even fair. I loathe Starbucks' 9.00 coffees more than anyone, but if that was the way into Ashley Greene's pants, I would become a master barista. I'm embarrassed to say, but I'm actually super duper excited to see the third Twilight movie. If Ashley Greene was promised to appear naked, I would camp out for days like those girls did in the 80's for New Kids Tickets. I can't think of anything I wouldn't do to be her boyfriend. It may seem like a stretch, but I think I would even sleep with that giant obese girl from Precious if that got me one step closer to Ashley Greene's underpants.

Ashley Greene owns Kristin Stewart

Ashley Greene showed up to the Twiglight premiere in this and I am very thankful. For a year all I've heard about is this and this, both of which are pale and heinous enough to be real vampires. Kristin Stewart makes Lindsay Lohan still seem relevant. I just don't get it. This is the main reason I hate Hollywood so much. It's not about being pretty (Kirstin Dunst), or talented (Megan Fox), it's simply a junior high popularity contest. If you're the new hot thing, nothing can slow your fame train down. Well, if Hollywood executives have any flippin clue, they'll put Ashley Greene in every movie made in 2010. This is a prime example of how premieres should be done. If I am the director of Twilight 3, I'm killing off that lip biting moron, Kristin Stewart, in the first 2 minutes, and the rest of the movie would filled gratuitous nude shower scenes with soapy breasts, self groping, and vampire/human copulation.