Hey Will Ferrell, Screw You.

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

This is the epitome of arrogance and and ignorance in Hollywood. Since when do we apologize for being capitalists? Since when is, God forbid, making a profit something we should be embarrassed about? The irony of this son-of-a-bitch is that he made 31 million dollars last year standing on blue taped x's on the floor and reciting some lines in movies that perpetuate your stupidity. The video should say, "Why does Columbia Pictures want to lower actors salaries when they're doing just fine making millions of dollars in profits?" By the way, good job, Will, Step Brothers was amazing. That movie was pure cinematic wizardry. The reason these people always leave you scratching your head because of the stupid things they've said is because they are stupid. Most Hollywood entertainers are famous in their early 20's, if they make it big time. They may claim to have struggled, but who didn't at that age? Who didn't work as a bartender or a server in some restaurant? By the time these people are late 20's their paychecks are more than most CEO's. When things come that easily for you, it becomes easy to feel a little guilt. These people have no concept of reality. ZERO. They don't know the struggles of socialized health care, financial strife, or just trying to make a living in middle America. Their problems are paying their way out of legal woes stemming from Cocaine possession and DUI's, multiple divorces, having people from other countries raise their kids, and rubbing their wealth in the faces of working people in videos like this. It certainly isn't health care. Trust me, they get health care negotiated through the Screen Actors Guild and it's much better than Government Health Care our veterans receive. Will Ferrell, you're a dick. Shut your stupid mouth. No one with a clue is laughing.

Megan Fox proves being arrogant, stupid, and talentless is more important than being hot

Megan Fox flexed her Hollywood muscles over the weekend to bring up the rear rear at the box office. Jennifer's Body finishing 5th at the box office with a wretched 6.8 million in ticket sales is the biggest surprise since Jessica Simpson failed at country music or since when my restraining order against the Victoria's Secret Angels was issued. Finally America has held Hollywood idiots accountable. I'm more sick of Megan Fox than a Britney/Lindsay sandwich. Anyone with a Marilyn Monroe tattoo on their forearm that looks like it was drawn by a third grader has to be crazier than hell. Someone please close the book on this chick. She's like a dollar tree version of Angelina Jolie. If you're one that's paid money to see Jennifer's Body, you couldn't be more dead to me.


1. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs $30,100,000
2. The Informant! $10,545,000
3. Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself $10,060,000
4. Love Happens $8,456,000
5. Jennifer's Body $6,800,000

This is the open letter written by the crew of Transformers 1 and 2 defending Michael Bay after Megan Fox blasted him: It's long, but truly reveals what kind of insufferable pain in the ass this dumb ass girl can actually be to people that "made" her.

This is an open letter to all Michael Bay fans. We are three crew members that have worked with Michael for the past ten years. Last week we read the terrible article with inflammatory, truly trashing quotes by the Ms. Fox about Michael Bay. This letter is to set a few things straight.
Yes, Megan has great eyes, a tight stomach we spray with glycerin, and an awful silly Marilyn Monroe tattoo plastered on her arm that we cover up to keep the moms happy.
Michael found this shy, inexperienced girl, plucked her out of total obscurity thus giving her the biggest shot of any young actresses' life. He told everyone around to just trust him on his choice. He granted her the starring role in Transformers, a franchise that forever changed her life; she became one of the most googled and oogled women on earth. She was famous! She was the next Angelina Jolie, hooray! Wait a minute, two of us worked with Angelina – second thought – she’s no Angelina. You see, Angelia is a professional.
We know this quite intimately because we’ve had the tedious experience of working with the dumb-as-a-rock Megan Fox on both Transformers movies. We've spent a total of 12 months on set making these two movies.
We are in different departments; we can’t give our names because sadly doing so in Hollywood could lead to being banished from future Paramount work. One of us touches Megan’s panties, the other has the often shitty job of pulling Ms. Sourpants out of her trailer, while another is near the Panaflex camera that helps to memorialize the valley girl on film.
Megan has the press fooled. When we read those magazines we wish we worked with that woman. Megan knows how to work her smile for the press. Those writers should try being on set for two movies, sadly she never smiles. The cast, crew and director make Transformers a really fun and energetic set. We’ve traveled around the world together, so we have never understood why Megan was always such the grump of the set?
When facing the press, Megan is the queen of talking trailer trash and posing like a porn star. And yes we’ve had the unbearable time of watching her try to act on set, and yes, it's very cringe-able. So maybe, being a porn star in the future might be a good career option. But make-up beware, she has a paragraph tattooed to her backside (probably due her rotten childhood) — easily another 45 minutes in the chair!
So when the three of us caught wind of Ms Fox, pontificating yet again in some publication (like she actually has something interesting to say) blabbing her trash mouth about a director whom we three have grown to really like. She compared working with Michael, to “working with Hitler”. We actually don’t think she knows who Hitler is by the way. But we wondered how she doesn’t realize what a disgusting, fully uneducated comment this was? Well, here let’s get some facts straight.
Say what you want about Michael – yes at times he can be hard, but he's also fun, and he challenges everyone for a reason – he simply wants people to bring their ‘A’ game. He comes very prepared, knows exactly what he wants, involves the crew and expects everyone to follow through with his or her best, and that includes the actors. He’s one of the hardest working directors out there.
He gets the best from his crews, many of whom have worked with him for 15 years. And yes, he’s loyal, one of the few directors we’ve encountered who lowered his fee by millions to keep Transformers in the United States and California, so he could work with his own crew.
Megan says that Transformers was an unsafe set? Come on Megan, we know it is a bit more strenuous then the playground at the trailer park, but you don’t insult one of the very best stunt and physical effects teams in the business! Not one person got hurt!
And who is the real Megan Fox? She is very different than the academy nominee and winning actors we’ve all worked around. She’s as about ungracious a person as you can ever fathom. She shows little interest in the crew members around her. We work to make her look good in every way, but she's absolutely never appreciative of anyone’s hard work. Never a thank you. All the crewmembers have stopped saying hi to Ms. Princess because she never says hello back. It gets tiring. Many think she just really hates the process of being an actress.
Megan has been late to the sets many times. She goes through the motions that make her exude this sense of misery. We’ve heard the A.D’s piped over the radio that Megan won’t walk from her trailer until John Turturro walks first! John’s done seventy-five movies and she’s made two!
Never expect Megan to attend any of the 15 or so crew parties like all the other actors have. And then there's the classless night she blew off The Royal Prince of Jordan who made a special dinner for all the actors. She doesn’t know that one of the grips' daughters wanted to visit their daddy’s work to meet Megan, but he wouldn’t let them come because he told them “she is not nice."
The press certainly doesn’t know her most famous line. On our first day in Egypt, the Egyptian government wouldn’t let us shoot because of a permit problem as the actors got ready in make up at the Four Seasons Hotel. Michael tried to make the best of it; he wanted to take the cast and crew on a private tour of the famous Giza pyramids. God hold us witness, Megan said, "I can’t believe Michael is fucking forcing us to go to the fucking pyramids!" I guess this is the “Hitler guy” she is referring to.
So this is the Megan Fox you don’t get to see. Maybe she will learn, but we figure if she can sling insults, then she can take them too. Megan really is a thankless, classless, graceless, and shall we say unfriendly bitch. It's sad how fame can twist people, and even sadder that young girls look up to her. If only they knew who they're really looking up to.
But ‘fame’ is fleeting. We, being behind the scenes, seen em’ come and go. Hopefully Michael will have Megatron squish her character in the first ten minutes of Transformers 3. We can tell you that will make the crew happy!
-Loyal Transformers Crew

I guess they think we're stupid...

While the House passed a sweeping climate change bill this year, it has stalled in the Senate as health care reform dominates the domestic agenda.

Yet Obama asserted Tuesday that, while the United States was slow to respond to the global warming threat, his administration is doing more to combat climate change than any in history.

He touted progress that has been made during his term, including new standards for fuel efficiency in automobiles and the House version of the so-called cap-and-trade bill -- which he called the most important part of U.S. efforts.

"We understand the gravity of the climate threat. We are determined to act. And we will meet our responsibility to future generations," he said.

Obama warned that a failure to address the problem could create an "irreversible catastrophe." Obama said time is "running out" to fix the problem but that, "we can reverse it."

Despite years of shoving "Global warming down out throats, coupled with a ridiculous and undeserved Nobel Prize, the democrats are finding, with the help of an overwhelming amount of supportive scientific evidence, that Global Warming is preposterous. The Democrats have lost so much steam, (PUN INTENDED), they've decided to change the name of Global Warming, to Global Climate change. You see, the problem with this stupid hypothesis of global warming is that the globe is seeing consistent cooling in the atmosphere, the oceans as well as shrinking holes in the Ozone. In stupid people terms, Democrats and liberals throughout the world were hoping to use Global warming as an instrument to implement global income/wealth redistribution. It could be responsible for trillions of dollars changing hands. Their plan is failing. Government officials around the world think so little of their constituents that just by changing the name and hyperbolizing the potential dangers, we'll agree to this nonsense. Why do you think our President is appearing on late night television? Could it be because his approval rating is falling like a rock? Could it be that young Americans, which is responsible for his election victory, are even turning their backs on him? It's been years since a President has agreed to appear on late night shows, yet this is Obama's second appearance of the year. He needs to appear likable again. He needs to appear confident. He needs his young uninformed voters to forget all the stupid policies and just like him because he's attractive, calm, articulate, young and cool. I predict right now you will see a double digit loss in the Presidential election In 2012. He has proven to the American public, just as Bush did, that it's hard as hell to be President and not everyone, despite how great their speech writers are, can do it.

1977-2009 (My Liver)

Ive been celebrating the union of my dear friends in Annapolis. Couple that with my crapulous antics, and you understand why name has been moved to the top of the liver transplant list and I havent made any posts lately. To to wrap things up, see you Monday, if I sweat out this perpetual hangover.

Kanye needs a surprise meeting with Biggie and Tupac

Kanye West sucks more than AIDS. To me, Kanye West might as well be the Taliban or Scott Peterson. I know all about guys like Kanye. He's the guy always picked last in kick ball. He never got laid by hot girls. He plays in the band, goes to art school, and struggles with friendships. Well Kanye, nothing has changed because you still epically suck. You're an absolute awful, deplorable human being. You're impossible to like. When you're outclassed by Beyonce Knowles, you know you're worse than cancer. Act like you've been there before, Kanye. Even Beyonce ddid the right thing. I saw your SNL performance after your voice correction software went bad. The whole performance presented like a wolfpack in unison with the rhythm of a 7th grade white boy. You might be a gifted producer, but you're a talentless singer and performer. Not to mention, it took you mere hours to convince your attorneys to pull the video from the internet. I despise myself for wasting yet another post on this douche. Kanye, my life would be complete if I woke up Tuesday morning with the headline,

"Kanye West dies of Swine flu and herpes blisters."

1952-2009

Patrick Swayze lost his heroic battle with pancreatic cancer today at 57 years of age. Patrick Swayze will certainly be missed as his spirit is kept alive by several of the best, most bad ass roles of the 80's and 90's. According to almost everything you read about Swayze, you couldn't find a better guy. He was a gentleman and a consummate professional. Because of the ladies, I have to mention Dirty Dancing, but you can't think of Swayze without thinking of his role as Bohdi in Point Break, Red Dawn, Ghost, and of course, Dalton the bad ass in Road House. Patrick, you're the best. Rest in Peace.


EMBED-Road House - Watch more free videos

For your Saturday viewing pleasure...

There's not much you can add to pictures like these. This chick literally tilts over and pours out sexuality. When we dated back in 2004, she was really into me, like psycho into me, but I was going through a rough patch and I just wasn't ready to be tied down. You see, I'm elusive like a wild mustang running free on the plains. Was she a conquest, just another notch on my belt, you ask. I say no, but really, who am I say what motivates this fiery untameable libido of mine.

Rihanna rivals Beyonce for most nutritious leg...and not in a good way.

I'm kind of tired of Rihanna. I'm not sure how you can get the beat down from Chris Brown and somehow you're the one that's judged and viewed unfavorably, but that's exactly what's happened. Everytime I see her lately, she looks like she's in dress rehersal for Total Recall. It's so annoying. Someone needs to tell her that her shoes are stupid. They're always stupid. In every picture. She also has some anatomic leg variant that is difficult to describe. It's like cankles, but not, because the ankle is the same size as the thigh. Would that be thankles? It's just gross...and those idiotic glasses! They're like the glasses sold at Urban Outfitters that people with no clue how to dress buy because that's what they think people with a clue would buy. Well, excuse me, but it's not. I hate people sometimes...ok...a lot of times.

Oedipus Rex was from Michigan?

Michigan police say a 35-year-old mother used the Internet to track down the son she gave up for adoption a decade ago, seducing and raping the teenage boy when she found him after an online search.

Aimee Louise Sword of Waterford Township, near Detroit, was arraigned this week on three charges of criminal sexual conduct for the alleged rape of her biological son, whom she put up for adoption more than 10 years ago, MyFOXDetroit reported.

Prosecutors say the boy is still a minor, but won't disclose whether he knew the woman was his mother — a situation that has horrified mental health experts who are calling the case "an abomination."

"I don't think I've heard of another case like this in my career," said Dr. Gerald Shiener, chief of Consultation and Liaison Psychiatry at Sinai Grace Hospital in Detroit.

Really? Never heard of this? Must not read classical literature Dr Gerald. From what I recall, the oracle was eerily accurate...seems applicable in this case too. As sick and twisted as this is...if the kid was 15 and he scored a woman like this not knowing it was his mother...you gotta think he's getting high fives for weeks. Just weird how life really hates you sometimes because it could've played out so differently for this kid if it simply hadn't been his mother.

Lindsay Lohan strikes again...(insert) out

I know this looks like a photoshop, but it's not. It's actually the REAL boogeyman. I took this with a motion detecting camera at 4:01 am just as it was leaving my closet last night.

The Hills are a lock for an Emmy sweep.

For all I know, the Hills could be a show on Discovery HD about the dangers of breastfeeding, but let me say if this is what you get by tuning in, I'm a fan. I would follow her "Tweets" into Dante's 9 levels of Hell. I actually hate myself for liking her because she adheres to everything I despise in "so-called" stars. She's essentially been famous for being famous. Now, however, she's famous because she turns what would be a "6" bikini picture, into a rocket "10" Annie Lebowitz. I know she's got a fake rack...let's don't get lost in the details ladies. TomAto, Tomahto.

You didn't miss a thing...oh, except for the prologue of Socialism

Shockingly, I can sum up Obama's last ditch effort to save his failing Presidency with just a few points:

1. Having a half private, half government health care plan will do nothing but quickly bankrupt the private sector insurance companies. In turn, the Government will be "forced" (aka follow their master plan) to come in and "rescue" (aka cripple) our health care system and force us deeper into a dependent country only as capable as our Government allows.

2. This is probably a better translation of my thoughts.

Oops...I murdered someone. Dammit. I hate it when I do that.

Way to go Buckeyes. Not only is your fan base one SEC loss from hanging themselves from a coat rack, but you offer this to America as your star? Come on guys.

"Not everybody's the perfect person in the world. I mean everyone kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me, whatever."

Whatever? No Terrelle. Not whatever. Murder isn't run-of-the-mill like meeting for a beer with your friend or walking through the park with your dog. Terrelle, you're a dipshit. When in doubt, shut your mouth. You're a 20 year year old gifted athlete. Not Mahatma Ghandi. Your talents stop with running, throwing, and being Quarterback"y". Actually though, for the sake of my sheer cynicism, I hope that he gets a post game interview every game this year. Especially this week when USC makes them look like a JV team.

Toastmasters public speaking really paid off...

This guy getting drafted in the 7th round is a miracle that rivals Jesus bringing back Lazarus from the dead. I bet when the reporter asked this guy this question and he started having an "like um" seizure, the reporter hit his recorder then his head to make sure there wasn't a glitch in the matrix.

It's time to wake up and educate yourself

U.S. Sen. Jim Inhofe said at a town hall in Grove Wednesday,

“I never dreamed I would see an administration try to disavow all the things that have made this country different from all others,” Inhofe told more than 300 people at a town hall meeting in the Grove Community Center.

“I have never seen so many things happening at one time so disheartening to America. Every institution that has made this country the greatest nation in the world is under attack,” he said at the end of the 75-minute session.

This is not rocket science. For over 300 years, America has been the leader of the world. America has stood for, fought for, and defended freedoms both here and abroad. We have led humanitarian aid, been looked to for advancements in science and medicine, and lit the way for the world's economic, indsutrial, and technological charge. Since when have those things become something for which we should be ashamed? Why do we need to apologize for success from hard work? Why is it that we're criticized for being unlike Europe and not "vacationing" enough? Why should health care be a right of every citizen, but not a right every citizen should have to pay for? Why does an erratically and irresponsibly spending Government collect from only the people that sacrifice "their" family time for hard work and labor? Since when did our armed forces become evil maniacal torturers and not defenders of freedom, humanity and democracy? Since when did the White House decide how much a private company's Chief Executive Officer can make? Since when did Government learn how to run the automotive industry?

If you lived in any other time and were told all these things were happening, you wouldn't believe in a million years it was the United States of America. This is not what has made us great. Congressman Inhofe is right, these are the things that have separated us from the rest of the world and made us envied by all. These are the things that allowed us to prosper as a nation for centuries. One thing's for sure, President Obama, we need change alright. Just not your style. Not socialism. You can't muiltiply wealth by dividing it. We need a change that takes us back to the way we used to be...I sure as hell was a lot happier back then. How bout you?

Punk ass sucker punch

There's two things to comment on about this video.

1. Oregon's coach is dunzo, whether now or later, his appointment will be short lived. Here's opening game points for the Ducks the last several years:

2009 8 Boise State
2008 44 Washington
2007 48 Houston
2006 48 Stanford
2005 38 Houston

Can you say offensive ineptitude?

2. Unless Oregon wants to be known as the Miami of the Northwest, you kick this little sucker punching bitch off the team indefinitely. I hope the guy presses charges.

This guy's days are numbered.

TOKYO - Japan's next prime minister might be nicknamed "the alien," but it's his wife who claims to have had a close encounter with another world.

"While my body was asleep, I think my soul rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus," Miyuki Hatoyama, the wife of premier-in-waiting Yukio Hatoyama, wrote in a book published last year.

"It was a very beautiful place and it was really green."

Miyuki, 66, described the extraterrestrial experience, which she said took place some 20 years ago, in a book entitled "Very Strange Things I've Encountered."

When she awoke, Japan's next first lady wrote, she told her now ex-husband that she had just been to Venus. He advised her that it was probably just a dream.

"My current husband has a different way of thinking," she wrote. "He would surely say 'Oh, that's great'."

A strong believer in spiritualism, Hatoyama said in a TV appearance earlier this year she met U.S. actor Tom Cruise — in a previous life.

"I have a dream that I still believe will come true, which is to make a film in Hollywood," she told a TV talk show in May. "The lead actor is Tom Cruise, of course. Why? Because I know he was Japanese in a previous life.

"I also eat the sun," Hatoyama said on the program, looking up with her eyes closed, raising her arms high as if she was tearing pieces off an imaginary sun. "Like this, hum, hum, hum. It gives me enormous energy."


OMG. I don't know what to say. You couldn't reach this chick dialing long distance. There's so much in this article, it's like it was a combination of every insane person in the world homogenized into one. Triangle spaceships, Tom Cruise, visiting Venus, and last but certainly not least, eating the sun accompanied by her charade's demonstration of her actually eating it. If this is your wife, you sleep with one eye open, maybe two, because it's just a matter of time before he wakes up and she's staring down at him smiling with a bloody knife in one hand and a Tom Cruise Crucifix in the other while he frantically searches to find out which body part has been severed. If I were this cat, the Premiere of japan or whatever, I would fake my death. You could make up any story and she's believe it.

Madam, I'm sorry, but your husband has been killed and eaten by the monsters living inside your refridgerator. There is no evidence except for a half empty glass of milk, his wedding ring, and this note saying, Please don't look for me(crossed out)him. I'm (crossed out) he's really dead. I (crossed out) he tasted good. I'm sorry.

Love,

Premiere (crossed out) The Monster.

Are you sorry yet?

I said last night that Obama and his administration were planning to control energy (Cap and Trade), Health Care (Socialized Medicine), and Education. Although last night I said through the Teacher's Union...I was painfully wrong. He's going straight to the source...the students themselves. According to the Department of Education's website, ED.GOV, Obama plans to address your children in the most vulnerable of places, their schools. People, this is blatant indoctrination. This is something I would expect from Castro. I'm not being hyperbolic or dramatic. This is not the place of the President of the United States, no matter who it is, to give instruction and push ideologies onto our children. This is so arrogant and unacceptable. If I were a parent, there is no way in hell I send my child to school that day.

Here is the memo sent from the White Hose Press Secretary:


THE WHITE HOUSE
Office of the Press Secretary
President Obama to Speak Directly to Students in National Address on Educational Success
WASHINGTON, D.C. – As children across America go back to school, President Obama will deliver a national address directly to students on the importance of taking responsibility for their success in school on Tuesday, September 8th at 12:00 PM EDT at Wakefield High School in Arlington. In advance of this address, the Department of Education is providing resources developed by and for teachers to help engage students and stimulate discussion about persisting and succeeding in school. The speech will be broadcast live on www.WhiteHouse.gov and C-SPAN. The speech is open to pre-credentialed media. The deadline to request credentials is 6:00PM EDT tomorrow, Thursday, September 3rd.

September 8, 2009

College Football (Update)

CUT ME A BREAK. IM TOO EXCITED. I THOUGHT IT WAS THURSDAY.



Starting tomorrow tonight, college football kicks off, officially making me the happiest person in North America. If you're wondering, there's a game Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I don't know who's resposnsible for the Thursday, Friday and Sunday games, but they should win an Edward R Murrow Award or something. Three things about this weekend.

1. College girls are rockets.
A. Especially college girls in SEC school color dresses.
B. Especially college girls in jerseys without the name Tebow.

2. Bourbon and the SEC is like church and the offering plate. You can't have one without the other.

3. I wish my name was Matthew Stafford.


Below is my fun chart plotted out for this weekend, assuming the Bulldogs pull off a victory against a formidable opponent. Afterall, it's not like we're playing Charleston Southern.

Where are they now?

Jeff McMahon, better known as "Chunk" from Goonies, took the stage name Jeff Cohen from his mother's maiden name. This really has no relevance, other than the movie is flipping awesome, despite its dismal box office performance. If you're born anywhere from 1972-1979, you pretty much know every character from Goonies, wish secretly that you were from the "Goon Docks," and that you could've found One-Eyed Willie's treasures after playing the skeleton organ. The point of this story, if there is one to this awful mess, is that after Goonies and a short film career, Chunk went to UC Berkeley and ran for Student Body President. Wikipedia said that he would perform the Truffle Shuffle at football games to incite the crowd. Can you imagine having that kind of power at your disposal? His campaign slogan was, "Chunk for President." That's hard to beat. So hard in fact, he won. After school, your boy Chunk went to UCLA Law School and is now an entertainment lawyer in Beverly Hills. Btw, Chunk has changed a little, but I bet he's still wicked awesome.