Mila Kunis reminds me how much I loved Black Swan

Mila Kunis was cast in Black Swan without an audition. Instead, she and the director, Darren Aronofsky, Skyped for ten minutes and that was it. He said he had fallen for Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and knew instantly she would be a perfect fit. Yeah, no kidding. Mila Kunis is gorgeous. You could cast Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman in a movie where they both read the phone book for two hours while wearing Snuggies and it would be a hit. I'm not sure Darren Aronofsky is as much a genius as he is normal sexually charged heterosexual male with great taste in women. Wait, I think I can direct. Hollyweird, here I come!

Why is God so cruel?

Not only is Mila Kunis single handedly responsible for the success of Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but she's about to absolutely blow up as a leading lady in young Hollywood. Mike Judge's new movie, Extract, looks originally funny, but most importantly, exposes Mila at her very best. To top that off though, news sources released reports that Mila will star along with Natalie Portman in a movie about two rival ballet students. Now that sentence about ballet would normally make my penis pack its clothes and find another home, but in this movie, there is reportedly a scene in which the two actresses engage in, "ecstasy-induced hungry aggressive angry sex." Now I'm not one to exaggerate anything, but if this movie delivers on its promises, there is no chance I can go to the theaters to watch this without being arrested and having lewd and lascivious somewhere in my sundry list of predatory and sexually explicit charges. I would share needles with Magic Johnson in exchange for one day holding the microphone during the filming of this scene. Macaulay Culkin landing this Ukrainian goddess is simply cruelty poured on my sinking testosterone and lit on fire.