Speaking of skinny chicks...oh wait nevermind.

Scarlett Johansson went jogging with her walking cadaver of a boyfriend, Sean Penn, and many of the blogs erupted with rumors she was preggers. Well, it turns out, she's just fat. According to her publicist (read: damage controller), she has been training for six months for her new movie and is in the best shape of her life. I truly don't even know how to respond to that except by saying, "either fire your trainer or fire your publicist." It's amazing how fast a girl can go downhill. One day you're married to the People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive, Ryan Reynolds, and starring in the Iron Man franchise, and the next minute you're disguising your stomach as a human growing inside you by being a competitive eating champion. Couple that with dating an unwrapped mummy from Ancient Egypt and that's probably evidence enough that things are coming off the rails for Scarlett. For the record, if I were a girl, I'd rather marry chlamydia than marry Sean Penn.

Is it possible for everyone to hate you?

This is Gwyneth Paltrow, whom I had an unhealthy obession with about 10 years ago. I'm actually embarassed to say that. The Paltrow of 10 years ago was edgy, sexy, and well, fammous. Now she just can't open her mouth without reminding me how much I despise her. She posted this on her blog:

"The summer before last, a mutual friend brought the lovely Katie Lee Joel and her husband William over for dinner. Much to my delight, she brought a fresh batch of these cookies with her. I adore the contrast of the dark chocolate and the cherries -heaven."

Gwyneth, you are not British Roalty. You're a self indulgent asshole, but not royalty. Everyone in this universe knows Billy Joel as Billy Joel, but because what, you're obsessed with yourself and your own fame, you call him William to insist that you know him better than we do. William. I swear to God, I would punch you in the face. Billy Joel is Billy. Not William. That's stupid and so are you. Here's another newsflash Gwennie...you star as a secretary in Iron Man, your only successful movie in like a thousand years, and even that role could be played by a limbless deaf mute. "Here Mr Iron..Mr Man...Mr Iron...Man, here's your morning coffee and your make believe paper." That's a wrap Gwyneth. What a day! You're amazing! Everyone give a round of applause for Ms Paltrow's hard work. Applause ensues. (Puke) Actresses like Gwyneth Paltrow make me want to burn down the Hollywood sign. These people are worth millions and perpetuate make believe ideologies, encourage mediocrity, and force their ignorant platforms on misguided, confused, influenceable idiots.