I love station wagon meth labs...

Four years after spending over $300,000 on plastic surgery to look young, Demi Moore says she still can’t get big movie roles and she is ready to blow the whistle on ageism in Hollywood.

“There aren’t that many good roles for women over 40. A lot of them don’t have much substance, other than being someone’s mother or wife.”

Well Demi...despite your 14 year old boyfriend, you can always play a struggling meth addict on the verge of suicide. Babe, here's a secret. When you're pining for a role of "substance" whatever that is, don't get loaded on nitrous and pull out your meth tooth and post it on twitter. Besides, substance is what burst out of your white dress shirt in Striptease. Stop being so melodramatic. You're over 40. If you don't wanna play a mom, you shouldn't date your son. I swear, Hollywood is getting ridiculuous.

Jennifer Connelly gets Meth Makeover...

This is what remains of Jennifer Connelly, the once timeless, hour-glass voluptuous, brunette beauty. This is all that's left of her. You could almost just go ahead and put her in the urn. Women should take note. Losing weight doesn't always make things better. There reaches an age where the female body doesn't respond well to drastic changes in weight. I think the skin just loses it's ability to regain it's intended and disired shape. In cases like Madonna and now Jennifer Connelly, they both bare a striking resemblance to Skeletor. You could take one look at this chick in a bar and be like, "Hey, Where's your hot friend?" It almost pains me to say that considering how hot she was like 15 pounds and three movies ago. It's like someone keeps playing cruel jokes on my privates. One minute she's a sex symbol in a hollywood blockbuster, the next minute next she's playing Tammy in a Lifetime movie about meth addiction and eating disorders called, Double Whammy Tammy.

Pam Anderson is a natural, stunning beauty.

The average human is made of 75 trillion cells. In 5 seconds, you lose 50,000 cells. I'm guessing Pam is losing them at a much more alarming rate. She looks like a cross between a Duck-billed platypus, Herpes, and Sloth from Goonies. If this opened the door to a little boy for Halloween, I'm pretty sure the he would ask her who she's dressed as...because he loves her costume. You could put her picture on a meth makeover billboard and you would never second guess its validity.