I'd rather have the Swine Flu

I haven't been subtle about how much I loathe this stupid broad. Mark my words, her career won't last more than 3 years. There's no way. Tara Reid has infinitely more talent than this chick. What's so ridiculous is how she never fails to tell you how amazing she is and how you can't resist her web of sexual desire. In the the latest issue of Cosmo this useless bimbo reminds me how much I can actually hate a human being.

Megan on commitment: "I have no problem with commitment — you can't have a real relationship without it. I can flip on a switch in my brain, and even if the next Brad Pitt is standing next to me, I won't look at him. But I can also turn that switch off, and then I collect attractive boys."

Megan on boys: "I never call them guys. I always called them boys. Maybe it's a superiority complex — my needing to keep them down."

Megan on being hit on by famous dudes: "It's fun when someone intends to put you in his back pocket, but instead, he walks away wounded. I make it a mind game, so they don't know if I'm hitting on them or mocking them. Male actors drop lines about their private jets, trying to seem powerful, but I don't give a shit. I don't need someone else's power. I'm obtaining my own."

Megan, babe, you're not obtaining power. The only thing you're obtaining is a ahort list of shitty movies on IMDB.COM. You're starring (cough) being cast as a hot body with minimal dialogue, thank God, in horrific movies. You made both Transformers almost unwatchable and they're both filled with Transformers and explosions which happen to be two of my favorite things ever. Your acting talent, or lack thereof, is beyond words. You make Ben Affleck look like Marlon Brando. Telling people you're awesome doesn't make you awesome. It makes you stupid. Jennifer's Body will be a winner opening weekend because kids are stupid and love stupid movies, but after week two, crash and burn. The reason I hate Hollywood is because people like this are famous. If you disagree with me on who's hotter, Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox, consider this...

Angelina Jolie is married to Brad Pitt.

Megan Fox dates Brian Austin Green.


Case closed. I win.

OMG...please stop with your nonsense

Megan, despite your best efforts to be sexy, bisexual, and Angelina Jolie, you really have fooled Hollywood enough by now so that you don't have to act so effing stupid by trying to be the center of attention everywhere you go. First of all, the chick to your left, that's Cate Blanchett. While you spend your time collecting tattoos and trying to be mysterious like Angelina Jolie circa 1998, she spends her time collecting Oscars, class, spokesmodel contracts and faces of Chanel, Gucci, and Givenchy contracts. What I'm trying to say without being rude or insensitive is you're stupid. When you do things like this it makes me want to punch your dumb ass. Please stop. You're like nails on a chalk board. You're famous because some plastic surgeon sliced and diced your imperfections and then you fell on Michael Bay's grenade (literally and figuratively) for a role in Bad Boys 2 and then Transformers. There are literally 20 girls in Hollywood right now hotter and more talented than you...including this girl.

Enough is enough...stop with the humility

Here's Megan Fox at a Lakers game several years back. She's really not that hot people. Seriously...look again.

It seems like everytime I read something Megan Fox has said, it's something along the lines of, "Oh God, I hate being this hot and desirable, or "God I wish I weren't this pretty because then people would take me serious." To be honest, I'm getting sick of it. Being the "IT" girl is a funny thing. Many times, you're not quite sure why someone is popular, but they are. I think it's that way with this girl. She has no acting skill. She's got a great body, but she's hardly the hottest girl on the planet. She kind of favors that girl you see in the trendy area of a metropolitan city leaving a tattoo parlor or an incense store. You think she's hot and really sexy, but then you remember you're in an incense store and no one showers with soap or ambition in incense stores. I don't know what it is, I've just grown tired of the act she puts on as if she's not trying harder than anyone on the planet to be sexy. Here's a few examples of her being completely shocked at how awesome she is and how hot the person is that is staring back at her in the mirror:

"It pisses me when people fucking complain that I'm too beautiful to get a part. That's bullshit. You wouldn't be working if you weren't attractive. Hollywood is the most superficial thing you could possibly be a part of. And if I weren't attractive I wouldn't be working at all.”

“I don’t want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson — who I have nothing against, but I don’t want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I’ve every learned to prove, like, ‘Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.’ I don’t want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I’m not a retard — but I do. And part of it is my own fault. I’m just really confident sexually, and I think that sort of oozes out of my pores. It’s just there. It’s something I don’t have to turn on.”

"I have the libido of a 15-year-old boy. My sex drive is so high. I'd rather have sex with Brian all the time than leave the house. He doesn't mind."

"I could see myself in a relationship with a girl; Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She's mesmerizing. And lately I've been obsessed with Jenna Jameson."

"I really enjoy having sex. I’m young and have a lot of hormones. I’m always in the mood."

This chick is playing the Jedi mind trick on every guy in the world. If you keep talking about how much you like sex, how you're bisexual, how you desire other women we desire, how sexuality just oozes from you, we can't help but think you're perfect. You see it's so far from the reality most guys live in, that this chick is almost like something that you would watch in an adult entertainment video you rent for 11.99 at the Hampton Inn...not that I've done that or know that's exactly how much they cost when other "real" movies are 4.99, or know that they don't print the movie title on your receipt so you can turn it in on your expense report without losing your job. Newflash though Megan, you've basically done one movie and you sucked in that one unless you were sweaty or sticking your ass out prentending to be an auto mechanic. Walking around telling everyone how pretty you are seems to have worked thus far, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time. Your career ending countdown is on. I'm on to you.