Burn in hell. I hope you get raped everyday in prison.

Popular pediatrician Dr. Earl Bradley has been charged with sexually molesting 103 children at an office he had decked out with a merry-go-round and a ferris wheel, in Delaware, US. Evidence seized from the community medic's practice and home has led state officials to believe he has carried out sickening attacks on scores of small children since 1998. Bradley, 56, has been charged by a grand jury with the molestation of 103 children. He is held at Vaughn Correction Center on $3 million bond. The disturbing accusations stem from incidents which allegedly took place at his Lewes, Delaware, practice called BayBees Pediatrics. He is accused of videotaping sex acts while the children's parents were waiting in another room.

The only true justice would be for this guy to slide down a banister of razor blades into a pool of alcohol while all of the 103 children he molested shoots at him with BB guns. If the government were capable of doing something right, they would either execute this dickhead or cut off his penis with a butter knife.

What we had is dead, as I am dead. Marry another.

Dear Alessandra,

Let me first say, I'm sorry. I know that I have caused you a great deal of pain and suffering through this whole ordeal surrounding me "finding myself". Just last night, I was going through some of our Maui vacation pics and I stumbled across these. I want to remember you like this. Playful, happy and fresh, not spiteful, vendictive and psychotic. I tried to explain to you that I can't have a serious relationship right now. With my job, my responsibilities, I just can't give you what you demand deserve. You're such a scary special person to me. I'll always sleep with one eye open hold a special place in my heart for you, but now it seems, just isn't the right time for our lives to become one. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry that you don't understand right now. In time though, you will. You will thank me. Someday, you will look back on this raw, explicit, spontaneous, animalistic, love affair and realize that we weren't right for one another. I hope that one day you can forgive me for all the pain I've caused you.

With sorrow and regret,

Always,

Trey-

Biel prepares for the combine...

The NFL Combine starts Wednesday and Jessica Biel got her lineback number and it's 44. In a rarity, Todd McShay and Mel Kiper both agree that if Biel performs well in the 3 cone drill and the 20 yard shuttle, she could sneak into the first round. Some say they've never seen game speed like she exhibits from such a natural hitter. She could be the next Ray Lewis. Go Jessica!

I never saw this coming...

Crystal Magnum, famous for falsely accusing several Duke lacrosse players of rape, is now facing multiple charges for assaulting her boyfriend.
And of course, by assaulting, we mean she threatened to stab him and burned his clothes.

Her bond was set at $1 million. Mangum has been appointed a public defender and is scheduled to appear in court on Feb. 22.

Police charged her with attempted first-degree murder, five counts of arson, assault and battery, communicating threats, three counts of misdemeanor child abuse, injury to personal property, identity theft and resisting a public officer.

To begin, I blame Duke lacrosse players for hiring a stripper this hideous. I was in college. Even in the worst places, even the most hole-in-the-wall strip clubs have one decent stripper. Next, I blame a multitude of people that were looking to ruin the lives of some priviledged educated silver spooned kids based on the fraudulent accusations of a skanky gold-digging stripper. Some people believe in fate...I'm not sure I believe in that, but I am sure someone that shows repeated propensities for illegal behavior, finally got what she deserves. Fulfilling the most ironic story of 2010, it seems as if the book is being thrown at her. In a related story, I couldn't be happier.

Darrell Green

Darrell Green was a speedster corner in the NFL for 20 years. The video below shows him running a 4.2 40 yard dash at 40 years old.



Well, not to be outdone by his former self, Green ran a 4.43 40 on his 50th birthday. I coulnd't run a 4.4 to the refridgerator. Here is the article from the Redskins Insider:

Darrell Green turns 50 with a burst of speed

What's the best way to celebrate turning 50? Stuffing your face full of cake and washing it down with a microbrew? Warning your loved ones not to hug your brittle bones too tightly? Making out a will?

Not if you're Darrell Green, the Redskins' Pro Football Hall of Famer who was known for his energy and age-defying speed (he won the NFL's Fastest Man competition four times) when he played. He turned 50 Monday and, apparently, hasn't lost much of a step since his retirement after the 2002 season.

He told the story of his celebration on Twitter (@darrellgreen28):

Quick update from the Birthday Boy :) I think today I became the fastest 50 year old in the world! @9AM today, I celebrated my 50th BDay.....

By running the 40 yard dash in Orlando, Florida in a time of 4.43! FYI, all born between 1946 -1964 are baby boomers...

I'm guessing that makes me the fastest baby boomer! I would say, thats really booming. Are you?

Lindsay Lohan should be shot for wasting this...

About seven years ago, Lindsay Lohan was tracking to be a superstar. Fast forward through 1000 kilos of blow, three thousand penises, countless miasmas of drunken morning afters and at least 8 cases of, "owww my pee pee burns," and you're left with the weathered, withering shell of a once voluptuous and beautiful sex symbol. After all the shit she's put her body through, the girl can still sell sex when duty calls. Granted, it's been calling for quite some time to no avail, but boy, did she deliver here. When you have natural gifts like these, your career is six feet under, and you are a walking herpes blister, exposing your breasts as often as possible is about your only hope for staying out of financial turmoil and DJ booths. Lindsay, I know a great agent. He gives great career advice. His name is me.

Checkmate.

Im sure that Verizon didn't find this little stunt as funny as I do, but you have to applaud a man's creativity. These are the kind of things that make me wish I were smarter/more clever. Leaving, "What now Bitches?" is probably the funniest thing I've ever seen. If I worked in accounts receivable and I opened this check, it's with absolute certainty that this guy gets his month of phone service for free. Randall, you win.

Damn you magic photos...

There's many reasons why I like supermodels. Namely, because they're sexy and tall. That being said, if I say Hayden Peniterroo Penateirree is sexy, would go against everything I stand for. This is one reason Hollywoo sucks so bad. No matter what you look like, these tricky photographers can use clever angles, flattering lighting, and geeky photoshopping, to make otherwise average looking girls, make me want them. This troll can't be more than 3 feet tall. Regardless, these pics are the best she's ever been and probably ever will be...

Puff Puff Give...

Mischa Barton, took some much needed time off from being chronically unemployed and painfully unsexy, to blaze some spliffs around Hollywood in some 34' Caddy. For Mischa, I guess it's kind of smart to smoke this much pot because when she sobers up, she's gonna be faced with the grim reality that only Lohan is less hireable.

Eyes like the azure sky...

This is exactly why Andy Roddick couldn't give two sh!ts about winning grand slam tennis titles. This is also why he absolutely owns Roger Federer in every possible way that really matters. Much to my delight, Roddick's wife, Brooklyn Decker, is the cover model for this year's SI Swim Suit issue. In a related story, 100 million women just opened another carton of ice cream. Girls this pretty actually cause me physical pain. For instance, today, I spent 9 hours working out Punnet Squares on my computer in an attempt to recreate eyes this blue. The closest I could come was this. If you're looking at this and saying, "That's gross. She's too skinny." I would say to you...actually, I wouldn't say anything to you, but you already knew that.

My head just exploded.

Every estrogen ridden female in the world will celebrate their favorite holiday this week as Valentine's Day rears its ugly head. While all you morons are paying double, even triple the normal price for roses, chocolate, lame ass stuffed animals and stupid strawberries, I'll be boycotting this shit out of this stupid commercially construed celebration of women's desire to be doted on and men's insatiable desire to get laid. To me, February 14 is two things: An indication of how stupid you are is directly proportional to how much overpriced goods you buy and send to your girlfriend's work so she can display to everyone how much she's truly loved. The other thing, is the release of the annual Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. This part of the holiday is so deep and rewarding. It goes beyond just superficial metaphors of love and admiration. It's a selfless, benevolent, exposed, and forgiving depiction of devotion and partnership. It's love's synergy with mother nature, personified. As you can see, not unlike most issues, this year delivered big time. Ladies, if you want to make your spouse happy, take a picture of yourself and airbrush it until it looks like this. Trust me, he'll be happy.

Abbey Clancy, a photographed coke head, WAG, model, full time rocket, did every guy in the world a favor and sat nude for the ever-rewarding bikini painting/paint-on session. Honestly, if she asked, I would steal 20 kilos of cocaine from Pablo Escobar himself, smuggle it to the United States in my colon, and sell it in PEZ dispensers on the White House lawn for one chance with this chick. If Abbey filled out a US tax form, her W-2 should simply read: Relationship Assassin. She's so pretty, I just conceived.

Im Back!

I lived...barely. I can honestly say that race was the most physically and mentally challenging thing I've ever done. Nothing can prepare you for 34 degree water for over three hours. You shiver so violently that at one point I thought I chipped my teeth. Instead, it was mud and rock in my mouth. If you want to challenge yourself to the extremes the human body can endure, I guess I'll see you next in Wolverhampton.

Wish me luck!!!

I will be on hiatus from exposedandnaked for a week or so, unless those crazy Europeans have Wifi spots all around the countryside. I leave tomorrow night on Delta for England, and they better have a crap load of whiskey airplane bottles on board or I'm gonna get unruly. Sunday morning I'll be competing in the 2010 Toughguy Competition in 30-something degree weather. I'll be cold, wet, tired, muddy, thirsty, angry and did I mention cold, all the while sporting a Superman costume. I, of course, won't win, but no one will have a Superman jumpsuit on that creates a "situation" around the private area that no one wants to see...trust me on that. If I don't get arrested, it's gonna be really funny. Wish me luck!

Yeah Mr President, I agree, this is basically your only hope.

There's been some speculation that President Obama will suggest a spending freeze during his State of the Union speech tomorrow night. Seems pretty convenient to me, Mr President. Wasn't it you that was responsible for the largest expansion of government since Wold War II? Wasn't it you that tried to force a robust and grossly irresponsible health care plan down our throats? All you've done since taking office is force tax payers into a constant ATM withdrawal. You've insisted that the only people contributing to the economy bear the burden of those that don't. Let's be honest Mr. President, that's been your position since your undergraduate years at Columbia. Your connections to Communism supporters are too strong to ignore. Your voting record speaks for itself. Expand government. Create dependence. Redistribute the wealth. Punish success. Reward mediocrity. That's not my America, Mr President. What's so funny to me is, not your actions prior to Scott Brown's election results because I knew what to expect. After all, I knew your voting record and knew you were a Socialist. What I find despicable is your actions since Scott Brown's election. For someone that says, "The one thing I am clear about is that I'd rather be a really good one-term President than a mediocre two-term President, and I believe that," I don't see a President continuing his unfavorable course of action. I don't see an elected offical dedicated to his course of action and his ideologies. Conversely, I see a President doing an "oh sh!t 180" and trying to gain some favorability. I see a President trying to throw a life preserver. In just two short weeks since that catastrophe in Mass, you changed from a bankrupting, money printing, ignore the populous Socialist, to someone planning a spending freeze. I'm not an expert on the Socialist mantra, but I'm pretty sure spending freezes aren't a part of the plan. The fact is Mr President, is that your Presidency, your legacy, your reputation, and your party are in grave danger. You doubted the power of a charged and focused voting democracy. You were too arrogant to think Independents would turn their backs on you. You refused to listen to the American people when they were screaming to the top of their lungs. Now, on the eve of your State of the Union speech, which can't contain anything besides promises of bipartisanship, you're left on the outside looking in at the American people. You're promises of Hope and Change haven't delivered. You're Utopian dreams of single payer health care was adamantly rejected. You're once omnipotent star power has faded like a shooting star over a bleak horizon. At least one dream will come true. You will be a one term President and you will be good...good at destroying the Democratic party.

You're gorgeous. I'm speechless.

The Screen Actors Guild Awards were last night. Basically the SAG Awards are just an opportunity for a large group of grossly overpaid, largely uneducated, narcissists to get together and tell each one another how awesome they are. "They" say that the SAG awards are more indicative of the Oscars and I say, they better be. Inglorious Basterds did well last night and was also the best film I saw made last year. Christoph Waltz, as a disparaging and insufferable member of the SS Guard, was flawless. Tarantino, again penned a masterpiece of witty and brilliantly laborous dialogue that left you begging for more. Ironically, the one shortfall was Pitt. His character was forced and unintentionally comical. To me, he was the one flaw of the whole film. I hope Tarantino gets one for Best Direction. He's long overdue and much deserving. Despite all the talk of Tarantino's baby, I couldn't care less. When Kate Hudson brings to the red carpet a dress like this, I can't think of anything except copulation and massive amounts of it. I've said before, she's one of the hottest in Hollywood. When she arrives at awards shows, other girls shoot daggers at her. She's an absolute rocket. This white dress makes me want to commit a crime. Seriously, thank you Kate. You made my day.

Yeah, you're creepy.

If you want to know what sexual predators look like...look no further. Andy Dick, comedian(self-proclaimed)/douchebag/addict/sexual assaulter, is one of the most irrelevant people on earth. When VH1 Celebrity Rehab is considered a career boost, you're a loser. Andy, nice job groping men. You're actually quite lucky...it could've been me you groped and trust me, you'd be much safer in jail.

You're welcome, Daniel.

Look, I know love is blind, but the kid from Home Alone? Come on, Mila. You simply must do better. Like me for instance. Are muscle bound superheroes with a gift of love poetry not your thing? Obviously. Growing up in Ukraine must have been very taxing. I can see that it has clouded your vision and your ability to appreciate the finer things in life. It's ok, Mila. You're allowed to love. I know it's hard to understand how someone like me could love you, but I've realized, you can't run from love. The surreptitious advances, the cards signed with cut out newspaper letters, the singing telegrams, the life size build-a-bears, they have to stop. I'm so confused amidst all of the mixed signals. You either have to face your fears and jump, or you let me go. I just can't continue to put myself out there for you anymore. I'll wait to hear from you (Crying with hand telephone gesture to ear while mouthing the words, "Call me").

Screw you, Glenn Beck.

Glenn Beck, who is nothing more than a political conspiracy theorist/satirist and recovering booze hound, made some incendiary comments on his radio show yesterday regarding Senator elect, Scott Brown. For me, it's people like Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity that make me absolutely loathe the Republican party. Fox has built the foundation for their programming on obvious right leaning commentators. Are the majority of main stream media members leftist bed wetters? Yes. Does America identify with Foxnews? Well, I guess, according to the ratings. For people like me, and statistically, the majority of this country, that consider themselves moderates and or third party/independents, it's people like this, programs like these, and comments like this, that make people on the right no different than the antics we cry about from the left and leave us essentially zero representation in Washington. I just don't understand the hype with Glenn Beck. I've tried to watch his show, but the gloom and doom left me loading a gun with feelings of eminent collapse and destruction. Granted, America isn't heading in the right direction, but people like Beck preach about the importance of this Brown election, yet when he wins a huge upset in a historically liberal state, he like a moth to the flame, must find something else to criticize, depress, and hyperbolize. Beck goes from supporter to opposer in < 24 hours. Luckily for Beck, positivity doesn't sell TV. Without further adieu, yesterday Glenn Beck was commenting on the awkward, head-scratching comments said by Sen Brown as he announced his daughters as, "Available."

“I want a chastity belt on this man,” he said, while his producer tried to justify Brown’s comments. “I want his every move watched in Washington. I don’t trust this guy…This one could end with a dead intern. I’m just saying, it could end with a dead intern.”

Look, any reasonable person can agree these comments were stewpid, but to say that an awkward comment spoken during a time of sheer elation and excitement about his adult daughters being single and available, is hardly indicative of him being a murderer or untrustworthy. Well, we know he's not trustworthy, he's in Washington. I get so tired of hyperbole. I'm more tired of Glenn Beck. If you tune into this clown, thanks for the voluntary litmus test, but it wasn't necessary. I already knew I was smarter than you.

Change you can believe in...oops.

As I suspected, America spoke. They don't want health care reform. They don't want Socialism. In fact, they want their House and Senate back. They want to save our Republic. At the cost of the most democratic Senate seat in the country, America spoke loudly. If Ted Kennedy, a pioneer of health care reform, can't secure the victory, it's gonna be a an extremely awkward time for all Democrats looking to be reelected in the mid term elections. This will most certainly change the tune of the Obama presidency. I think you'll see a more interested, compassionate, and bi-partisan Barack Obama. It's funny, we'll finally see the person he pretended to be during the campaign and promised to be in his victory speech. Nothing is more scary than either party having a filibuster proof majority. The country's welfare has been spared. A robust and bankrupting health care reform might as well be started over from scratch because there's no way this legislation will pass now. Thank God for Massachusetts...never thought I'd say that when it comes to politics. I breathe an enormous sigh of relief.

Signed,

America

Albert Hanyesworth wins Golden Globe

Just when I thought Precious couldn't be more inappropriately named, Mo'Nique walked the red carpet with a pack of mongoose attacking her legs. If this acting thing goes south after this movie, she could try her luck at the NFL combine. Is it too much to ask you to shave your barrel legs. I know you would've had to start 2 weeks ago, but you could show some respect to both people battling nausea and PETA. I would rather battle boils on my anus that be subjected to this defensive lineman recite lines for two hours.