Beyonce robs my soul...

Announcing my hatred for that thunder thighed water buffalo known as Crisco Knowles would be futile at this point. Moreover, if you haven't come around to my way of thinking, not only are you dead to me, but you're dumber than your third grade teacher told your parents you were. The latest comment to come from this out-of-touch, ungrateful mocha skinned walrus only further ignites the fury flame for this no talent weaved-up Medusa.

She told Britain's Glamour magazine:

"I probably get about 15 bags sent to me a month. Armani gave me this croc bag, which was huge - I could only imagine how much that thing cost. It would be so expensive that even I wouldn't buy it."

Even you...The Beyonce, The Diva, Sasha Fierce, couldn't afford it? (Hands on cheeks) Oh my stars!! If you wouldn't buy it, then I have to deduce no one in the world would buy it. I can honestly say I wouldn't swerve to miss this broad if she were crossing the street...that is unless I had a loved one in the car with me because hitting her big ass would be like hitting a terrestrial manatee mixed with a brontosaurus...because when you hit dinosaurs mixed with terrestrial manatees, you usually die.

My Hero, Etta James, bout to serve up her some Beyonce.

At a recent concert, Etta James said this about Fatonce:


"You guys know your president, right? You know the one with the big ears?" began her rant, a recording of which was obtained by TMZ. "Wait a minute, he ain't my president. He might be yours; he ain't my president. But I tell you that woman he had singing for him, singing my song — she's going to get her a-- whipped.

"The great Beyoncé," James went on. "Like I said, she ain't mine. ... I can't stand Beyoncé. She has no business up there, singing up there on a big ol' president day, gonna be singing my song that I've been singing forever."

Finally someone doesn't kiss Fatty's ass. I wish Etta would tear off Beyonce's weave and smother her with it.

Fatonce will sing for the President.

It seems that either the Obama's hearing are almost completely shot, or their taste in music is horrendous. Etta James' At Last, one of the most timeless, romantic, classy songs of all time will be performed by Beyonce "Crisco" Knowles at the inauguration celebration. She also performed this number at the Kennedy Center a few months back and boy was the audience treated to an epic performance. And by epic, I mean similar to hearing a wounded wildabeest fighting on the Serengeti for his life against a pride of lions epic. This pitiful excuse for entertainment is the worst singer on earth. She sings like she's attached to one of those belts from the 1970's that were supposed to help you lose weight. All they really did was vibrate and shake you into a sweat. I would almost bet 250.00 that she wouldn't even get to Hollywood on American Idol. She was by a mile the worst singer in Destiny's Child. If it weren't for her 38" extensions, mile wide ass, and decent face, she would be taking orders at Burger King. Instead, she sings for our President. I'm embarrassed for our country. I would rather hear Wiliam Hung sing Ricky Martin.

It's so tight in there anaerobic bacteria could grow.

Beyonce, I know J-zzzzz aka Jesus aka H 2 the Izzo likes your fat ass, but we don't. When you go to a classy awards show, please go for the 10 instead of squeezing into the 6 and using three rolls of duct tape to keep your mammary folds inside. I haven't seen anything so eager for freedom since Shawshank Redemption.

Beyonce is Humble...

I wanted to include this on the last post, but I was afraid people would miss it.

This is old, but impossible to ignore. When Beyonce was accused of being jealous of her costar, Jennifer Hudson's, performance and critical acclaim in the movie Dreamgirls, Beyonce said this,

"I knew that the character that I played wasn't the star ... I'm already a star. I already have nine Grammys. Everyone knows I can sing. "I wish I could have gained 20 pounds and played Effie."

Did she say she wishes she could've gained 20 lbs? Beyonce could gain 20 lbs eating lettuce and ice smoothies while running on a treadmill uphill while wearing a weight vest. This is not hyperbole: I would rather die a slow painful death involving jellyfish stings, Amazonian piranha, and killer bees, get buried alive, or have my testes ripped off by locomotive than spend three minutes with this heinous medusa-like creature.

Beyonce aka "Crisco" aka "Fat Legs" aka "No Talent" Knowles is Healthiest Person on Earth...

Studies show that having a gigantic ass and excessive fat around the hips is actually a sign of good health.

New research, published in the journal Cell Metabolism, suggests the fat responsible for producing the pear shape flaunted by celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce may be active in protecting women from diseases by releasing certain hormones.

Buttock and hip fat may protect women against type 2 diabetes, researchers from Harvard Medical School found.

When buttocks and hip fat from mice was injected into other mice, their bodies easily used the blood sugar-regulating hormone insulin and lost weight.

They were also able to make better use of insulin, the main hormone linked to diabetes.

People with the apple shape, where fat is stored around the tummy, can be more prone to type 2 diabetes and heart disease. Those with pear-shaped bodies, where fat is collected in the buttocks, are less likely to have these disorders.