Hey Ya'll...I wanna teach and stuff like that.

In a recent interview, everyone's favorite trailer park millionaire sex symbol, Britney Spears, talked about the things she would've done with her life had she not sold her soul to the devil for fame and fortune:

“Career-wise I’d probably be a teacher,” Britney, 29, tells PopJustice.com. “I love kids and even in what I do now one of my favorite parts of my day is getting to meet my fans before the show. Especially the little ones. They are always so cute.”

Either that, or a stay-at-home mom: “I’d be raising my family. Being a mom. I’m very strong in the way I raise my kids and stuff.”

Yeah Britney, of course. You're form rural Louisiana, what else could you do besides be a stay at home mom? I guess there's always operating a successful meth lab in your trailer. You know, when I think of teachers influencing the lives of our youth, I think of character, stability and intelligence...ya'll!

What she's really saying is, "Thank Jesus I hit the lottery of all lotterys and since I was 8 I've grown increasingly out of touch with reality, but if that weren't enough to piss you off, if I couldn't do this for millions and millions, I guess I would be someone normal and poor like a teacher."

In a related story, if Jeffrey Dahmer weren't caught with severed penises and human heads in his apartment in Milwaukee, he would've been the best scout leader the world has ever seen (Not a true story).

Trick or Treat

Forget that it's Nov 5, because Britney threw tradition to the wind and decided to keep on rocking her nursing mother from the cover of National Geograpic Magazine Halloween costume in Australia. Her nipples look like those glasses you wear with the eyes on springs and they just spring left and right and up and down. I'm pretty sure she could breast feed one child in the front seat while she feeds the other in the back. If I weren't so immature and childishly intrigued with breast's form and fucntion, I probably wouldn't take a second look at this pic; instead, however, like most, I mean ALL men, I maunder on about the shape, orientation, individuality, and rougueness of Ms. Spears' unfortunate and victimized fun bags. Although, despite the gratutious logorrhea of exposedandnaked bloggers, not everything here is based around objectifying women, bronzing breasts, celebrating herion chic, and a judgemental list of sundry items and other meritless balderdash. Trust me, being me isn't easy. Try being awesome for an afternoon...it's exhausting.

Damn you Britney...Damn You!

It is with the most regret ever recorded that I write these words---Britney Spears in a bikini piques my Willy's interest. I don't really want it to, but it's a primal thing I can't control. From 1998-2003 this girl occupied roughly 78% of every fantasy I had that didn't involve Laetitia Casta or Heidi Klum. You know, even now, as sad as her life is, if you could take off that dead squirrel weave, remove just a couple hundred white trash dudes off her "list", and I'd give her a good inbred Louisiana pounding. I guess it just goes to show you that men control the world. I know this is sexist, but if you think about a girl like Britney Spears being worth 100 million dollars, to what else could you attribute that? It's certainly not her intelligence, her wit, or her philanthropies. Actually I can only think of one thing she offers and that one thing is something that most women aren't interested in. Sex sells and it's sold to men because we want it. It's sold to women because they know we want it. Regardless, If You Seek Amy.

Britney imitates frozen grandparents from Weird Science..

This poor redneck just can't help but shine her white trash Mississippi/Louisiana roots. It's often said, you can take the girl out of the trailer, but you can't take the trailer out of the girl. 10 years ago Britney Spears was making pop music history, making teengae boy's penises explode, and making life in general, her bitch. Now...now she looks like the crazy promiscuous sister that your parents were ashamed of. I could walk past this chick in Wal-mart and not even think for one second that this could be a celebrity sex symbol. She would fit right in with the obese women with diabetic lesions working the clothes department and dressing rooms with thinning greasy hair and a banana clip. Honestly, being a child star of her magnitude and fame is like the kiss of death. Other than Ron Howard, I can't think of one child star that has actually maintained his/her sanity. Despite being an advocate for Darwinism, I hate to prey on the weak. That said though, I loved this picture more than Bud Light Lime. It basically screams, "Extra Extra...Read about me...I'm a nut job!" She looks like she's staring at a huge Starbuck's Frappicino shaped chocolate bar floating 20 feet in the air. The last time I saw someone this focused was when Heidi Klum collapsed and stared into my eyes after 23.6 straight hours of tantric lovemaking. I apologized for the .4 hours, I told her, "Hey, no one's perfect."

F%@$ da Police...

MCMINNVILLE, Ore. (AP) — Police said a man was stopped and cited with driving under the influence of intoxicants charges twice in one day. In both instances, police say, the 52-year-old man was driving the same pickup and stopped near the same state liquor store.

Police said they first stopped the man at 11:05 a.m. Friday after he ran a red light. He was released into the custody of his grandmother and his vehicle was impounded.

A while later, authorities released the pickup to another party on condition the man not drive it. But he did. A tow company employee saw Reeves take the wheel and called police.

Police spotted the pickup and followed it back to the state liquor store, where he was cited again.

The second time around, the man was booked in jail on $6,250 bail.

This is the most blatant disregard for authority and responsibility since Clarence Thomas left pubes on Anita Hill's Coca-Cola can. It's one thing when you're pathetic 50 something year old man, but you take pathetic to a whole new level when you you're forced to call your grandmother for bail after getting not one, but two DUI's in the same day. I have been racking my brain, just trying to think of another instance where someone could've failed worse at life, but after realizing he's surpassed Lohan and Spears on the worst life choices scale, I simply threw my hands up and said uncle.

Please God, hopefully her pet cat just fell out of her Chanel Bag.

I don't know what else this could mean(32 second mark), except for what she said..and holy effing crap is that disturbing. Imagine this girl joining the Junior League or the Garden Club. I mean, she's a pop star with almost no career repercussions or legal ramifications for her actions and she's still a raging sh!t show. She's, at all times, one long check out line at Wal-mart away from soaring her weight back to 150, covering her face with comedones, and forgetting her kids exist or need food and water. If this really happened, someone that sat on the front row in Tampa is wondering how Britney Spears opened her show by actually allowing real life people dressed as circus directors to run out of her vagina unscathed. That really happened. It's been documented.

Im convinced anyone can be famous...

Nothing points out the magic of Disney computer animation, airbrushing, and Hollywood makeovers more than these photos. If you were a toothless, smelly, inbred from Kentwood Louisiana, you wouldn't even take a second look at this chick in the local Wal-Mart while you were refilling your Valtrex and Aldara prescription. I know every girl in Hollywood doesn't wake up beautiful, but boy does this make think twice when you see a pretty girl. Say what you want about this redneck skank...she just might be back.

God continues hating successful teens from Louisiana...

One would think that it would be impossible to be more inept at life than Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears, but as life always does, it throws you gems like this to remind you that watching 4 straight hours of infomercials doesn't make you the dumbest person in the southeastern United States.

According to a report from Fox News and the AP, the 18-year-old Miss Teen Louisiana, Lindsey Evans, and three friends were arrested and charged with theft on Saturday after walking out of a Bossier City, La., restaurant without paying the bill.

The only problem with her dine and dash was her leaving her purse behind with her driver's license and bag of weed. When dipshit returned to the restaurant after realizing her goof, the police were gathered around admiring the quality of her laughing grass....oh and waiting to arrest her on theft and possession of marijuana (admiring the weed part, I made up).

Say what you will about her status as a role model, but look at that hot ass mug shot. This whole story is almost too good to be true.