Jennifer Anniston is an effortless beauty

Jennifer Anniston should wake up every day and thank her lucky stars that Brad Pitt got drunk one night and decided to love her. If it weren't for him, she would be David Schwimmer or Matt LeBlanc. It's no wonder she can't get over him and orchestrates herself to cover magazines that he might read like, Architectural Digest. Remove her rhinoplasty and she's this: (UH OH).

Angie, your timing for being gorgeous is perfect.

Angelina Jolie is the arch nemesis of every girl in the world. If you notice, girls always hate her. Girls hate her because she's ridiculously hot, but mostly because they all think she's responsible for stalking Brad Pitt and breaking up him and Jennifer Plainiston. While the girls hate her, the men secretly fantasize about this sex pot. If you don't, look down your pants and make sure your penis hasn't run away from your gay ass. Even 23 kids later, Angelina Jolie still makes my penis want to hump itself. I would wade through a pool of Hepatitis C and Swine Flu just to see her in line at McDonalds. Women this hot simply aren't human. There's no possible way.

Manic Depression will ensue...

If you've ever owned a dog, especially a stubborn, vivacious, loving, insanely hungry, protective, head strong, bark-when-your-boss-calls-when-you-should-be-at-work, ruin-your-furniture, chew-the-fake-ficus-tree-knock-it-over-and-urinate-on-it, eat-sago-palm-seeds-and-poison-your-liver-3,000 dollars in blood transfusions later, consume-a-complete-bag-of-energy-bars-while-we're-at-work, expert swimming, has-more-personality-than-its-owners, beautiful, perfect one, like I do, then you owe it yourself to watch this movie. For those of you that know me and know my dog, this sums up my my wife's and my life. Based on the epic, tearful, sadness that followed this movie, you might have to commit me when the time comes to make "that" decision.