Playboy is on the pulse of the American male.

Drug makeover 2.0




Playboy has announced, typically for them, about four years after no one cares anymore, that Lindsay Lohan will pose nude for the dying, decrepid magazine. I'm not sure what guy would want to see Lindsay Lohan nude because that guy is most certainly not this guy. The rumor is, "She has spent three days posing for photgraphers and will leave nothing to the imagination." No shit. She's been doing that for anyone that has booze or cocaine for about four years now. She would get naked for a pack of Fun Dip or a Pixie Stick at this point. If you're some weirdo that would want to look at a vagina that resembled ground turkey with leprosy wounds, this issue of Playboy will be a consumer staple for you. I think I'll pass.

Lindsay Lohan is a natural beauty.

It's funny, but during times of economic expansion, zombie movies boom while conversely, in times of economic peril, world or government unrest and conflict vampire movies have a resurgence. This isn't my theory, this is factual. I think Lindsay is lost in meth land somewhere between the two because she's pale enough to be a vampire, yet scary enough to be a zombie. Irrespective of how hot this chick once was, she's one more stupid judge letting her off from OD'ing. I mean, it's almost inevitable at this point. She's like a walking Meth Makeover billboard. This chick was one of the hottest redheads in years and now she looks like a less sober Amy Winehouse. I'm not one for hyperbole, but honestly, I'd rather put my penis inside an electric pencil sharpener than Lindsay Lohan. I you're anything like me, you're one with the entertainment industry and are asked to screen culturally important films like, Teeth. If you don't know, which you probably don't, Teeth is about a young woman with a flesh eating vagina. It's as good as you would expect---translation---AMAZING! But that's not the point. The point is that Lindsay Lohan's vagina probably doesn't have teeth, but what it does have will make you wish your penis would get chewed off.