I love jorts...

If you watched last week's games, you know that refs are ready to suck off Florida.

Granted, I hate them worse than herpes breakouts and they beat us (UGA) like a drum (so does everyone), but more than that, I'm tired of referees handing them the games. The fact remains, that UF misses Harvin like crazy. Their offense isn't that good anymore. Their defense keeps them in games. UGA is awful, but I'll tell you this...UGA getting a week rest and UF being inept on offense could bode very for the Dawgs. We'll see next Saturday when all those white trash mullet sporting, jort wearing, Gator fans show up ready to rumble...

Dear Timmy,

I conceed you're an amazing talent. I conceed you have a remarkable moral compass. But dude, WTF is this? Are you seriously shirtless in the clouds in Ben Hill Griffin? Looking at this picture makes me think I've jumped into Sigfreid and Roy's wet dreams. Gimme a G-A-Y-T-O-R-S!!!

Like our Government, let's reward mediocrity

Unless you're a total "reTard" then you have to put your money on the Florida Gators for another national championship...as well as winning yet another "Denim Cup" on the north bank of the St John's River. The layperson wouldn't realize that UF can't lose a game if they tried; afterall, when your schedule reads like this, how could you lose?
9/5 – Charleston Southern
9/12 – Troy
9/19 – Tennessee
9/26 – @ Kentucky
10/10 – @ LSU
10/17 – Arkansas (Homecoming)
10/24 – @ Mississippi State
10/31 – Georgia (Jacksonville)
11/7 – Vanderbilt
11/14 – @ South Carolina
11/21 – FIU
11/28 – FSU

There are essentially five games that are practice walkthroughs. If UF doesn't run the table, this will be the worst performance in the history of college football. They're stacked. They have everyone back. They play Charleston Southern, Troy, FIU(seriously, I barely have a clue who that is), and FSU. Georgia Southern would beat the brakes off at least two of those teams. If Drew Weatherford could come back, they'd beat them too. I'm just so sick of Florida scheduling no out of conference challenges. I guess, in a way, I'm a little jealous because if UGA did that we'd probably have at least one national championship out of the two SEC titles we've won. If you're a Florida fan, you're only dreading one game and that's the night game in Baton Rouge that will star about 90,000 of the drunkest cajun assholes you've ever seen. If you're me, then you're going to be waiting on baited breath for the slim chance the Gators don't come prepared to play. Regardless, we've all got to look forward to yet another season of every network blowing Tim Tebow and highlighting his offseason circumcisions, his on the field accomplishments, and his God-like moral compass. Seriously, I cannot wait for next year's NFL draft. It's not that I wish ill will against Tebow because I don't. I truly think he's probably a good guy. It's the total D BAG gator fans that I can't stand. They think Tebow will be the next Favre, Starr, Brady...well he won't be. Just as David Greene, NCAA's most winning QB, talents didn't translate, neither will Tebow's parabola barbie arm. Newsflash Gators...winning NFL QB's don't run, they don't weigh 250, and they play in the pocket with rocket arms. Sorry to break the news.

Tim Teblow strikes again...

The white trash of Florida never ceases to amaze me. I cannot think of two colors more hideously paired than blue and orange. I sympathize with them in the sense that there's no real way to dress up and look like you have class when you wear blue and orange. Then again though, even if their colors were different, the guys would still rock jorts and jerseys and the girls, skank skirts and tank tops with bikini tan lines. Pssst...those lines make you look cheap not pretty. Anyway, Tim Tebow took time off from curing world hunger, circumcizing his god children, healing the blind, turning water to wine, teaching them to fish instead of catching all the earth's fish, and from struggling to find a way into the NFL, to devinely inspire someone to come up with TEEBOWS. If you know Floridians and or the Gator Nation, this shouldn't at all surprise you. Conversely, if you don't, trust me when I say that it's in your best interest to stay as far away from Ben Hill Griffin Stadium as you can, if you have any self respect and or fashion sense. God bless Athens and our women.

Tebow, stick to winning national championships and circumcizing.

As projected, Stafford was taken number one overall and signs a deal worth 14 gazillion dollars on Saturday to lead a winless Detroit team into mediocrity. Meanwhile, Tebow was tweeting to Mel Kiper Jr about how strong his arm had gotten over the off season. For those Florida homers that talk about how Tebow will be a great NFL QB because look at what he's done at Florida and...blah blah blah, here are a few points:

1. Florida lines up 5 wide and Tebow works from the shotgun.
2. He throws parabolas to gifted athletes that simply run under them.
3. Their offense relies on superior athletes to make moves off slants, picks and misdirection.
4. He never throws to spots on timing routes.
5. He never throws 15-20 yard outs because his arm strength doesn't support them.

What most average college football fans see is Tebow being a gifted athlete and a gifted leader...which he is. They see him going 11-14 with 330 yards passing in a 40point blow out victory. What they don't see is Chase Daniel and Graham Harrell not even being drafted. They were BIG-12 gunslingers. They have the ability to throw the ball 40 times a game with uncanny accuracy, but still, not one team took a chance on them. What does this say for Tim Tebow? Well, I think it means he better start playing defense or tight end if he wants a career in the NFL. I'm not saying I think Stafford will be the end-all-be-all, because he won't. He plays for the Lions, but I am saying that NFL teams have spent years identifying the skill set that promotes success in the NFL. If Stafford is considered a number 1 pick overall and Harrell and Daniel are undrafted, then I have to believe Tebow's dream of becoming an NFL QB is about as promising as Percy Harvin passing his drug tests during his rookie season.

Old Florida Rednecks Never Surprise Me

Chainsaw artist Sam Knowles works on his latest creation — a seven-and-one-half-foot tall Tim Tebow sculpture carved from a dead oak tree…

When asked about the sculpture’s weight, Knowles said that it weighs about one ton, but the roots are still in the ground “so I guess he weighs as much as the Earth.”

Of course Tim Teblow...I'm sorry I mean Tebow tried to talk Percy Harvin into staying at Florida. I bet it went something like this:

"Perce...you know I've won you two national championships. I won't be drafted in the first or second round despite my enormous muscles, Heisman trophy and big breasted girlfriend. Mel Kiper says I throw like a girl and can't hit the NFL 20 yeard outs, so why don't you and the guys stay around for one more run at this?"

Referees and announcers are a complete joke.

This is a little late because Ive been stewing over this for days. Nonetheless, it's arguable whether UF was the best team as OU played with them pretty much the whole game. Moreover, OU kept points off the board by two terrible calls under the helm of BIG GAME BOB just before the half by going for it on two straight 4th downs. No doubt great goaline defense, but no doubt awful play call. They shouldve been up by six. Also, this pass was the most blatant pass interference I've ever seen as the ball intended for Manny Johnson hits Major Wright in the back after he decapitates him. No one says a word...the announcers, refs, no one. If you couldn't see that, youre a complete imbicile and don't deserve to ever watch sports again...ever. To my few Gator friends that aren't complete Jort wearing White Trash, don't fret, Tebow will return because being drafted 4th or 5th round and learning a new position usually doesn't pay well.



Also, I've never seen a network so biased in my entire life. It was obvious the announcers want to make sweet man love to Tim Tebow. I'll admit, I hate them and I am usually subjective regarding Tebow or the Gators, but in this case, I'm not the only one. Articles all over the internet have commented on the biased love fest. It's so over-the-top, it's sickening. If this is considered journalism, Tim Tebow will be an NFL first round pick and hall of fame QB.

Despite It Being Halloween, They're Not Wearing Jort Costumes...

Just a late minute addition to prep for the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. I honestly googled UGA fans several times hoping to find some that would balance the trashiness and jort donning. I found one. I know they exist, but they're elusive. Nonetheless, this should be an amazing game full of incredible offenses, hard hitting, very very fast athletes, and at least one NFL QB (sorry Tebow). Can't wait.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DAWGS!

Apparently There's a Game This Weekend...

I just returned from Baton Rouge Louisiana, which surprisingly, I found to be quite beautiful. The fans were nothing like their hostile reputation. I found everyone to be charming and benevolent...well, looking back, maybe it was just the drunk Cajun girls.

After traveling all day, I decided to put some pics up that might get you in the mood to tackle Tim Teblow and the rest of the Gaytors. I apologize to my friends, Brian, Liz, Scot, Ronda, Keith, and Miranda. They are unquestionably misguided and know not what they do. I look at it as my civic duty. Being friends with them is like dancing with someone in a wheelchair. They can dance, but it's really weird and hurts when they step on your toes.

Go Dawgs!!!!