Screw you, Glenn Beck.

Glenn Beck, who is nothing more than a political conspiracy theorist/satirist and recovering booze hound, made some incendiary comments on his radio show yesterday regarding Senator elect, Scott Brown. For me, it's people like Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity that make me absolutely loathe the Republican party. Fox has built the foundation for their programming on obvious right leaning commentators. Are the majority of main stream media members leftist bed wetters? Yes. Does America identify with Foxnews? Well, I guess, according to the ratings. For people like me, and statistically, the majority of this country, that consider themselves moderates and or third party/independents, it's people like this, programs like these, and comments like this, that make people on the right no different than the antics we cry about from the left and leave us essentially zero representation in Washington. I just don't understand the hype with Glenn Beck. I've tried to watch his show, but the gloom and doom left me loading a gun with feelings of eminent collapse and destruction. Granted, America isn't heading in the right direction, but people like Beck preach about the importance of this Brown election, yet when he wins a huge upset in a historically liberal state, he like a moth to the flame, must find something else to criticize, depress, and hyperbolize. Beck goes from supporter to opposer in < 24 hours. Luckily for Beck, positivity doesn't sell TV. Without further adieu, yesterday Glenn Beck was commenting on the awkward, head-scratching comments said by Sen Brown as he announced his daughters as, "Available."

“I want a chastity belt on this man,” he said, while his producer tried to justify Brown’s comments. “I want his every move watched in Washington. I don’t trust this guy…This one could end with a dead intern. I’m just saying, it could end with a dead intern.”

Look, any reasonable person can agree these comments were stewpid, but to say that an awkward comment spoken during a time of sheer elation and excitement about his adult daughters being single and available, is hardly indicative of him being a murderer or untrustworthy. Well, we know he's not trustworthy, he's in Washington. I get so tired of hyperbole. I'm more tired of Glenn Beck. If you tune into this clown, thanks for the voluntary litmus test, but it wasn't necessary. I already knew I was smarter than you.

Change you can believe in...oops.

As I suspected, America spoke. They don't want health care reform. They don't want Socialism. In fact, they want their House and Senate back. They want to save our Republic. At the cost of the most democratic Senate seat in the country, America spoke loudly. If Ted Kennedy, a pioneer of health care reform, can't secure the victory, it's gonna be a an extremely awkward time for all Democrats looking to be reelected in the mid term elections. This will most certainly change the tune of the Obama presidency. I think you'll see a more interested, compassionate, and bi-partisan Barack Obama. It's funny, we'll finally see the person he pretended to be during the campaign and promised to be in his victory speech. Nothing is more scary than either party having a filibuster proof majority. The country's welfare has been spared. A robust and bankrupting health care reform might as well be started over from scratch because there's no way this legislation will pass now. Thank God for Massachusetts...never thought I'd say that when it comes to politics. I breathe an enormous sigh of relief.

Signed,

America

Albert Hanyesworth wins Golden Globe

Just when I thought Precious couldn't be more inappropriately named, Mo'Nique walked the red carpet with a pack of mongoose attacking her legs. If this acting thing goes south after this movie, she could try her luck at the NFL combine. Is it too much to ask you to shave your barrel legs. I know you would've had to start 2 weeks ago, but you could show some respect to both people battling nausea and PETA. I would rather battle boils on my anus that be subjected to this defensive lineman recite lines for two hours.

Ed Shultz is first class D-BAG

If the socialist party can't hold on to Teddy's seat on Tuesday, the show is over for Obama and he knows it. This is an excerpt from Ed Shultz on MSNBC. This audio is a prime example of just how ridiculous this party has become. For shoving unwanted socialist agendas down the throat of Americans, I hope they get what they deserve.

Lose some weight.

Look, I've heard precious is a good movie or whatever, but the chances of me sitting in a crowded movie theater for two hours watching this tub of lard recite lines while making tons of money doing it, is almost nill. Wtf is wrong with our country? We're so politically correct that we lie to ourselves and others by saying things like this sea donkey is beautiful. Let's be honest, nothing is beautiful about a 44 BMI. Nothing. If bedding this monster was imminent, I would do a cyanide whippet and if that didn't do the trick, I'd just cut my penis off because anything would be better than waking up next to this.

Dear Lord I love Brazil.

These are two test pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio. What's so damn inspiring about these pics is that she isn't trying at all, she has not one ounce of makeup on, and she still succeeded to ignite my underpants. If you're girlfriend is this hot, close your comic book, turn off Warcraft, because this isn't your girlfriend. This chick has no career path except modeling. In fact, in gradeschool, if she ever took one of those tests that predict what you'll be when you grow up, I bet hers said,
"(1)Supermodel,(2)Female Arch Nemesis,(3)Potential Marriage Assassin,(4)Cause for blindness in teenage boys." I honestly wouldn't care if she could hardly speak, much less balance a checkbook. I would steal from the Vatican to keep her showering in my bathroom. If she's not the most beautiful person in the world, you better kill me now because my heart can't take anymore.

Just give me some space...

Abigail Clancy is a 5'9" British goddess. Being a girl this hot in a world full of guys as obsessively sex starved ad thirsty as we must be better than being born a princess in a Disney movie. I bet she hasn't heard the word no in like 15 years, except for last Tuesday when she called on the blower feeling randy and wanted a wee bit of "how's your father." I'm tired of being used as a sex object. It's getting quite old in fact. I've gotten my leg over so many times with Abbey, it's becoming to be like an old dog. You still enjoy it from time to time and you don't want it to go away, although it sure doesn't do any of the fun stuff that it used to do. Anyway, these days it seems Abbey, that slapper, is fancying some daft footballer that looks like he's from Sudan. Don't cry for me Argentina, I'll be home riding some Brazilian or German consolation prize...it's my curse.

Miep Gies 1909-2010

Miep Gies, who ensured the diary of Anne Frank did not fall into the hands of Nazis after the teen's arrest, has died. She was 100.

Gies was among a team of Dutch citizens who hid the Frank family of four and four others in a secret annex in Amsterdam, Netherlands, during World War II, according to her official Web site, which announced her death Monday. She worked as a secretary for Anne Frank's father, Otto, in the front side of the same Prinsengracht building.

The family stayed in the secret room from July 1942 until August 4, 1944, when they were arrested by Gestapo and Dutch police after being betrayed by an informant. Two of Gies' team were arrested that day, but she and her friend, Bep Voskuijl, were left behind -- and found 14-year-old Anne's papers.

"And there Bep and I saw Anne's diary papers lying on the floor. I said, 'Pick them up!' Bep stood there staring, frozen. I said, 'Pick them up! Pick them up!' We were afraid, but we did out best to collect all the papers," Gies said in a 1998 interview with The Anne Frank House in Amsterdam.

"Then we went downstairs. And there we stood, Bep and I. I asked, 'What now, Bep?' She answered, 'You're the oldest. You hold on to them. So I did."

"I didn't read Anne's diary papers. ... It's a good thing I didn't because if I had read them I would have had to burn them," she said in the 1998 interview. "Some of the information in them was dangerous."

The diary was sheltered in Gies' desk drawer and later turned over to Otto Frank when he returned after the war as the only surviving resident of the annex. Anne died at northern Germany's Bergen-Belsen concentration camp in 1945.

Despite the legendary hardship she endured during the German occupation, Gies never embraced the label of a hero.

"More than 20,000 Dutch people helped to hide Jews and others in need of hiding during those years. I willingly did what I could to help. My husband did as well. It was not enough," she says in the prologue of her memoirs, "Anne Frank Remembered: The Story of the Woman Who Helped to Hide the Frank Family."

"There is nothing special about me. I have never wanted special attention. I was only willing to do what was asked of me and what seemed necessary at the time."

Gies' husband, Jan, whom she married in 1941, died in 1993. The couple had a son together.

Miep Gies, is a hero despite how she wanted to be remembered. This is one of the most inspiring women you will ever encounter. This story is the epitome of heroism and goodness during a time when the world was being blanketed with a miasma of evil and genocide. Miep Gies' human spirit shines as a beacon for the others lost or trapped in hopelessness and tragedy. It's a shame that this amazing woman's life wasn't celebrated by the news media. Instead, I got an update on Tiger's penis spelunking and Harry Reid's incendiary comments regarding our President and his degree of melanin concentration. That's the problem with our world. Selfishness has created a portal to a world swept clean of any moral compass. To think a family or a group of familes, risking certain death, would conspire to hide Jewish families in their own homes during the Holocaust is beyond comprehension. A thousand lifetimes of courage and morality died with Miep Gies. She will forever be known as a hero.

Nothing surprises me anymore.

The women who belong to Atlanta’s Gamma Gamma Chi sorority volunteer and participate in fund-raising activities across the metro area. They hang out and go to restaurants, movies, museums and cultural exhibits in town.

But the sisters won’t participate in some stereotypical components of Greek life — no drinking, partying or hooking up with men.

That’s because Gamma Gamma Chi Sorority Inc. is the country’s first Islamic-based sorority.

So let me see if I get this...

Sex-------->NO
Drinking--->NO
Partying--->NO

Bombs in Underwear------------------------------------>YES
Flying planes into building and killing thousands--------->YES
Behead US Military on video and post on Al Jazeera----->YES

This makes perfect sense...where do I sign up?

Los Angeles Jaguars?

Maybe I'm alone in this, but this weekend captivated me in regard to the NFL. Dallas puts a second smackdown on the overrated Eagles. A team that only beat one team with a winning record (Falcons without Ryan). Romo's monkey is off his back... for now at least. Also, Kurt Warner put on a clinic at the QB position. He had more touchdowns than incomplete passes and near perfect QB rating and he still almost lost. Green Bay have themselves a franchise QB that is young and great. Of all the teams left in the NFC, there are a list of superstar QB's left:

Romo
Warner
Brees
Farve

If that list bad asses can't sell TV ads, nothing can. Speaking of selling things...Jacksonville can't. They can't sell tickets because it's simply not an NFL town. They also have a horrendous product on the field. The front office have consistently taken the draft picks, covered their eyes with blindfolds, and picked wildly. They have a huge stadium they can't fill despite covering seats, except for the last Saturday in October, then it's standing room only with all seats open(GA/FL NCAA). It has been known by everyone with a clue that Jax cannot keep that team. Los Angeles is building a huge stadium, and with absolute certainty, will steal this team away from the apathetic Jaguar fans. It's so sad, most fans people of Jacksonville won't even realize. This is where the story gets ironic though. Since the resignation of Pete Carroll, there seems to be an open position in Southern California. Since Jack Del Rio probably won't keep his job and even if he does, he will almost certainly jump at the chance to coach his Alma mater in his home state. After all, I'd rather be homeless in Southern California than be the head coach for the Jacksonville Jaguars. USC has fielded at least two teams in the last decade that had more talent than the teams the JAGS front office has drafted. Del Rio would be a fool to pass this up and trust me, he won't.

Marlboros, Meth, and Michelob anyone?

Flights out of Jacksonville deliver such dramatic and unforseen entertainment. Seeing indigenous Floridians in their natural light habitat can be so rewarding. Just sit back and enjoy your flight.


Old Lady Goes Crazy During Landing - Watch more Funny Videos

Lies Lies Lies

If someone told me in one year I would look back and see how far this country's governing body had done to move us toward socialism, I wouldn't have believed them. Sadly though, Obama and his goons have done just that. He's broken nearly every campaign promise that he uttered. I simply refuse to believe that the populous share the same ideologies as Barack Obama and Karl Marx. We're better than that. Big Government is not the remedy. Higher taxes do not stimulate economies. Here are some clips where Barack Obama promises to open the door to healthcare negotiations. He claims in this video he wants a bipartisan, open door effort. Well, the American people have gotten the direct opposite of that throughout your short tenure. I'm couldn't be more disappointed in Commander-in-Chief.

Mr. President, I thought you said something about no finger pointing...??

President Barack Obama told his security chiefs on Tuesday that the botched Christmas Day plane bombing was the result of a screw up by U.S. intelligence and that the country had barely dodged disaster, according to a quotation released by the White House.

"This was a screw up that could have been disastrous," the president said during a meeting in the White House situation room, according to the White House media office. "We dodged a bullet but just barely. It was averted by brave individuals not because the system worked and that is not acceptable. While there will be a tendency for finger pointing, I will not tolerate it."

No, Mr. President, the only "screw up" was putting our confidence in you to protect this great nation. I know you won't Hussein, but please acknowledge the real issue here. This is not about political strategy. This isn't a civil liberties issue. This isn't racism nor is it religious persecution. It's quite simple. It's called saving lives. It's about saving innocent, hard-working, law abiding, human lives of every country and faith. Muslim extremists are at war against the United States. It's time to start using a brain. It's time to stop sending my 80 year old grandmother through full body searches. It's time to stop searching a 5 year old girl's pajamas and her Dora the Explorer bookbag. A full body scan showing a family of four and their genitals isn't the answer. I know this sucks for honest people people of Islamic faith, but if the last 30 terrorists were Swedish with pale, pasty-white skin and blond hair, I would be more than happy to stand in a special line and be searched. In fact, I think it should be your moral and religious obligation, because unless you either have something to hide, or condone these abhorrent acts of cowardice and murder, separating these monsters from your faith is the only answer. Something has to change. We have to put our insensitivities aside and demand logical and competent safety measures. Mr President, if you had instituted racial profiling, the incident on Christmas day would've never happened. Instead, we get full body scanners, more radiation exposure, more stupid, thoughtless government TSA workers, yet ironically, less safety. Great Job Mr President. I can't wait to see what you do with health care. That should be a doozie.

P.S. Mr President, when you open your explanation about the incident on Dec 25 by saying it was the result of a screw up by US Intelligence...I'm not saying, I'm just saying...that's a perfect example of finger pointing, which I thought you weren't going to tolerate. You must have strayed from the teleprompter. Remember...stay on task. Just reed wut thay rite.

If the NBA shuts down would anyone really care?

A day after the Washington Wizards guard was photographed before a game in Philadelphia pointing his index fingers, as if they were guns, at his teammates, Stern warned the former All-Star that his conduct will "ultimately result in a substantial suspension, and perhaps worse."

With each game he misses, Arenas will lose about $147,200 of the $16.2 million he will earn this season in the second of a six-year, $111 million contract. The punishment came on his 28th birthday.

Arenas is under investigation by federal and local authorities after admittedly bringing guns to the locker room. Stern originally planned to wait to take action, but he tired of Arenas' behavior.

Tired of his behavior? How could that be? After allegedly pulling a real gun on his teammate, Arenas thinks it would be funny to point his fingers like guns at his teammates? What a self-entitled dipsh!t. I couldn't hate celebrities more if they gave me herpes. I honestly can't name one celebrity that seems genuine or thankful. If they weren't so good at being alters to display my sexual desires, Hollywood would be as insignificant as white crayons. My hope and dream is that David Stern would force Gilbert Arenas to clean the arenas where his team plays for the rest of the season. Don't be an ungrateful dick. You have a gift that allows to play a game. People that work hard everyday and probably can't afford tickets spend their hard earned money in order to take their kids to see you play because some punk ass like you is their favorite player. Kids line up to buy your jersey at the stadium because you're what the NBA markets as a superstar. Gilbert Arenas, you're a joke. Not to mention a dumbass.

Haley Joel Osmond I love Christmas!!!!

Since the holidays are over, I wanted to take a moment to share some of my Christmas spirit with you all. Not many people know this, but Phipps Plaza, in Atlanta, has the real Santa. As you can imagine, due to this unique opportunity to meet the "real Santa", tickets are very very hot commodities. So hot in fact, I spent nearly four hours ignoring level 31 of Warcraft so I could win the bidding war for tickets on Ebay for 78.50. My mom captured the moment and I couldn't wait to share it with you.

Im in love with a seven foot blue monster

Avatar has been out like thirty minutes and has already made like a trillion dollars, but if you ask me, which you didn't, I think it sucks. It's simply the Liberal's mantra. If you don't hate America yet, three hours of 3-D with James Cameron will make you. If you refuse to see the anti-american sentiment, you'd be blind to miss the cliched "white guilt" that's been portrayed so effectively in movies throughout cinema i.e. Dances with Wolves, Amistad, Roots, etc. I know one thing that Avatar brought to my attention and for that, I am ever thankful. Zoe Saldana makes my heart go pitty pat. Even as a seven foot blue creature with a tail, I secretly wanted to make babies with her. This will be the break out star of 2010 and I couldn't be happier. In a time where Hollywood tries to force feed talentless, annoying, self indulgent pieces of uselessness, Zoe flies in to suspend my disbelief. I can't name many redeeming qualities of Avatar, but I can name her. (Whispering) Zoe (making phone gesture) call me.

Dubai, UAE...that didn't take long.

Dubai is set to open the world's tallest building Monday as the city seeks to revitalize its economy after a debt crisis in 2009 that forced the once-hot financial center to turn to neighboring Abu Dhabi for help.

The government hopes the unveiling of the 160-plus-story structure, Burj Dubai, will pierce the cloud that has lingered over Dubai since mid-December, when it received a second $10 billon bailout loan from Abu Dhabi, after unpaid bills prompted some creditors to abandon Dubai.

About 90 percent of units have been sold in Burj Dubai, which will welcome the first occupants of the Giorgio Armani residences in February and will open the world's first Armani Hotel in March.

Last month's bailout loan eased default concerns, but Dubai's reputation as a global financial center remains tarnished after the sloppy restructuring of Dubai World, the government-owned investment company, which was $22 billion in debt when it went bankrupt last year.

Economists say Dubai has fallen into a painful recession after years of 15 percent growth came to a halt as the real estate bubble burst. But some sectors of the economy continue to grow, and Dubai remains attractive as a services hub for the affluent Persian Gulf region.

-- Financial Times

As I've said before, I'm no economist, but if you couldn't see this coming, you're not very smart. Granted, this is coming from a person that's trying to sell a house in hell Florida, the worst real estate market in the Milky Way galaxy. When the world turns its back on oil for an alternative energy, Dubai will be no different than ancient ghost towns like Pompei and Atlantis. Other than my desire to spend New Years Eve 2010 in Dubai, I can't think of one reason a person as white as me would want to spend one night in a country that has a ban on sex and 130 degree heat. That would be the only hell I could conjure up that could be worse than the state of Florida.

There's Blood in my alcohol stream...no seriously.

Marguerite Engle simply must have lost her focus. This South Dakota woman recorded a mind-boggling .708 blood alcohol content after being arrested earlier this month when a state trooper found her passed out behind the wheel of a stolen truck. Unfortunately since her life will soon be over, she could've at least taken solice in the fact that she had the US record, but she passed out too soon and missed it by only a fraction of a percent. You see, despite being nearly nine times over the state's .08 legal limit, she fell just short of the U.S intoxication record. That mark was set last year by an Oregon woman, also found passed out behind the wheel, who registered a .72 BAC. Engle's whopping BAC was measured by a Rapid City Police Department chemist who tested a blood sample drawn from Engle. This isn't Engle's first run in with the law, if the mug shot didn't tell you that. She was arrested earlier this year for assaulting a government employee and being intoxicated and disruptive. Engle was named in a two-count South Dakota Magistrate Court indictment charging her with driving under the influence and driving with a BAC beyond the .08 limit. A traffic ticket issued to Engle notes that she "bonded out-hospitalized". Holy crap! Bonded out-hospitalized? That's bad ass. Considering the body is normally .6 water and her BAC was .708, that creates a physiology problem that I can't even comprehend. These are Wikipedia's symptoms of BAC over .4:

>0.40
Unconsciousness
Death
Breathing
Heart Rate

I'm not a doctor, but i know breathing, death, and heart rate are pretty serious problems. If I ever start competing in drinking contests again like college, Engle's on my team. She's like Frank the Tank.

Diora Baird is .0002% from Perfect

When I look at Diora Baird, first of all, I can't look away. She's so hot it gives me chest pains. Hotness like this in Hollywood confuses the hell out of me. There's absolutely no reason she's not every movie made with hot chicks. Can you imagine how bad of an actor you must be to be this hot, yet you're only known as the GUESS GIRL, or the girl that falls naked on the bed in Wedding Crashers with 2 seconds of screen time? In Hollywood, where beautiful bad actors are as plentiful as adopted African children and speed balls, it must be hard to make yourself unfamous when you look this good. Take Megan Fox for instance. She makes me embarrassed for her every time she opens her mouth, yet she headlines major blockbuster films, so where does that leave Diora? Diora's in a tough spot. It must be an incredible burden to bear. She should call me tonight. After I take off all this make up and fish net stockings, I could really show her a good time.

Olivia Wilde puts on a model clinic...

If you're a guy and you're chasing a girl with facial features this perfect, your bank account better be very very large with a helluva lot if 0's; otherwise, like Jackson Browne's "Rosie", you're gonna be going home with someone very familiar tonight. You see, Olivia Wilde is married to some Italian prince. So unless you have a crown in your family line, you lose. It's kind of obvious though. Look at this chick. If I had a one night stand with this girl, I'd bronze my penis like baby shoes.

Thank you Kiev, Ukraine

Forgetting Sarah Marshall is proving to be impossible when Mila Kunis keeps doing photo shoots like this. Honest to God, I can't say enough about how happy I am that the communism collapse caused an exodus of smoking hot Eastern Europeans to the United States in search of fame and fortune; although sadly, or not, most of them end up in Van Nuys starring in films like Chitty Chitty Gang Bang. Regardless, we have to thank Reagan for girls like Mila Kunis. Without him outspending the USSR in the Cold War, we'd be left with boring run-of-the-mill American girls that do nothing to pique my interest. If you're more than 2nd generation American, you're invisible to me.

This sux

A city hospital nearly destroyed a New Jersey woman's life and wrecked her marriage after misdiagnosing her with terminal HIV, hepatitis and herpes, according to a bombshell lawsuit.

Maria Osorio, 54, of Passaic, said she saw an ad on TV offering a $15 mammogram at Harlem Hospital over Valentine's Day last February and decided to take advantage of the screening.

When a nurse offered her a free instant cheek swab and blood test, too, she accepted. That's when she was told she had HIV.

"It was horrible. I wanted to throw myself on the subway tracks," she said.

Subway tracks? If I get news that I have hepatitis, late stage AIDS, and Herpes and I don't know how I got it, I'm gonna be pissed off. That had to be one hell of a party. I wouldn't even know where to go to get all those afflictions in one stop. Lohan maybe? Pam Anderson? Liberace? This woman should get like 10 centillion dollars for this torture. She spent six weeks thinking she had a death sentence. Her marriage was ruined as she logically thought her husband had bed every prostitute in Atlantic City without a condom. In a related story, I remember once as a kid my Nintendo was taken away for six weeks. That was hell.

If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son...

Amidst all of the adversity Tiger Woods has faced over the past several weeks, some clever computer dork encapsulated all of his problems in one simple JPEG and then cleverly compared them to Jay-Z. As you can see, his problems are quite different.


*If you don't understand this, I don't have the time to explain it to your white ass.

Just one night 6 seconds is all i ask...

It's been a while since I've written about all of the midevil torturing devices I would subject my penis to in order to spend one night with some random hot model, but here goes. Alassandra Ambrosio is so perfect I can't look directly at her in pictures. In fact, I had to hold the computer up to the mirror and look at her through a reflection because I kept having seizures and soiling myself. It's with almost certainty I say, she's Aphrodite. These pictures were taken on her recent trip to Miami and after staring intently at them for 3.25 hours without blinking, I seriously can't pick out one flaw. She's like a hypnotist. You see, I've been riding the German rocket-train called Heidi for over a decade, but I gotta tell you, if Ally (that's what I call her)keeps sending me these coy cues of flirtatious prurience, I'm on the fast track to switching teams. I'm fighting this urge from deep down. I don't want to give up on Heidi, but I think it's some sexual evolutionary thing I can't explain. Subconsciously, I view her womb as compromised. How could my reproductive fitness ameliorate? She's become damaged goods. Despite my furious loyalty to German supermodels named Heidi, I can't help but feel as if I'm caught in Alassandra's Brazilian Tractor Beam of seduction and desire. The guy that awakens and rolls over to realize he's lying next to this naked mocha skinned Goddess in South Beach of all places needs to tell me where he met Lucipher and the address where I can find the soul he sold...that son-of-a-bitch.

If you've ever wondered why you like blondes with big breasts...look no further

In a book I read recently, Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters, I've come to understand more about being a human man than ever before. Several of the chapters are mind blowing, but one in particular reached out to me.

Women's Attractiveness and Why Men Prefer Barbies (Long Blonde Hair, Big Breasts)

One accurate indicator of health is physical attractiveness, and this is the reason why men like beautiful women. Another good indicator of health is hair. Healthy people (men and women) have lustrous, shiny hair, whereas the hair of sickly people loses its luster. During illness, a body needs to sequester all available nutrients (like iron and protein) to fight the illness. Since hair is not essential to survival (compared to, say, bone marrow), hair is the first place to which a body turns to collect the necessary nutrients. Thus, a person’s poor health first shows up in the condition of the hair.

The author also makes the simple observation that larger, and hence heavier, breasts sag more conspicuously with age than do smaller breasts. Thus, it is much easier for men to judge a woman’s age (and her reproductive value) by sight if she has larger breasts than if she has smaller breasts, which do not change as much with age.

It turns out that men prefer blonde hair for exactly the same reason that they prefer large breasts: both are accurate indicators of a woman’s age and thus reproductive value.

Men in cold climates did not have this option, because women (and men) bundled up in such environments. This is probably why blonde hair evolved in cold climates as an alternative means for women to advertise their youth.

To claim that girls and women want to look like blonde bombshells because of the billboards, movies, TV shows, music videos, and magazine advertisements makes as little sense as to claim that people become hungry because they are bombarded with images of food in the media. If only the media would stop inundating people with images of food, they would never be hungry! Women’s desire to be blonde preceded the media by centuries, if not millennia.

I always knew blondes with big breasts made sense to me. I just didn't know it was scientific. I love books like this, primarily because it makes me feel like my attraction to German girls is more due to how I was made, as opposed to labeling me as a supermodel stalker.

Oh! Snatched Away In Beauty's Bloom

Last week, Sherlock Holmes premiered and Blake Lively owned the red carpet. It's so smart to show up at movies you're not in and look better than everyone. You might be tired of these posts, but trust me on this one, I'm not. I could write for days on this chick. If Lord Byron didn't love touching dudes, I bet he would've written She Walks in Beauty about Blake.

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

James Cameron metaphorically hates America

Today, while wearing dorky 3-D glasses, I watched three hours of the best CGI animation ever created. Aside from that though, there's not too much to report about Avatar. The plot essentially parallels James Cameron's contempt for America's foreign policy. The audience is coerced into cheering for the demise and destruction of US troops as they're portrayed as attacking innocent indigenous people. This movie will set records, but only because it's uniquely delivered. The screenplay is anything but, while character development is weak. If you like movies that send political messages, this is your film. If you're too stupid to know when movies send political messages, this is also your film. Because Hollywood idolizes liberalism and anti-American messages, you're gonna see rave reviews of this movie, but trust me, you're not missing much.

Brittany Murphy is Dead

The New York Daily News reports,

She went into full cardiac arrest early Sunday and could not be revived.
The Los Angeles City Fire Department got a call from the home of Murphy’s husband Simon Monjack about 8 a.m.
She was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, where she was pronounced dead on arrival.

If anyone has seen this chicks erratic behavior, you understand how something like this could happen. I know that I'll be 32 in 10 days and I don't see a heart attack in my near future. When you make movies like Spun, get interviewed with make believe accents when you're under the obvious influence of something, this shouldn't surprise you. She was a sexy talented actress and an obvious sad, lost soul. RIP.


Fast Forward to the 4:00 mark

At 41 Years, HGH and Juice does this, not swimming laps.

Yesterday, just when you thought Tiger's seemingly horrific last few weeks couldn't get any worse, the New York Times reported that a sports medicine doctor linked to Tiger Woods, Olympic freak Dana Torres, and Anthony Galea, is under investigation by the Federal Bureau of Investigation for allegedly distributing human growth hormone and the drug Actovegin to professional athletes. Torres said that Dr. Galea's work was limited to draining fluid from her knee and diagnosing a muscle tear. I'm no doctor, but I'm also not stupid. Has anyone seen a woman look like this without performance enhancing drugs? Has anyone seen a woman not only look this good with a child that young, but win the Nationals 15 months after giving birth. It's not possible. I would believe Barry Bonds is clean before I could believe this female body at 41 years old is clean. In fact, I work out every day at 32 and I know how hard it is to build muscle and I'm a man. This chick has more testosterone than Lyle Alzado. I bet she's grown a penis she's had so much human growth hormone. Athletes like this just piss me off because unless you played 3rd chair woodwind, you know the human body just can't stay at this level of athletic competition without assistance; however, during the last Olympics, Dana "The Hulk" Torres was furious over suspicion that she was doping. Take a peak at these pics and you'll know she's a cheater, but in case you don't, the NYT finally does something right and lets the cat outta the bag.

Jason Mraz is awesome.

If you were like me as a child, you often imitated other languages, albeit most of the time offensively and involving pots and pans being thrown down the stairs jokes. Conversely though, I always wondered how little kids from Asia would imitate and joke about English...well now I know.

Sticks like this should be ticketed

As I said last week, Blake Lively hosted SNL Saturday night, and just as I suspected, she blew my socks off. This chick is the most naturally beautiful girl in Hollywood. I bet when she wakes up, she looks even better. Her legs alone are enough to make me ignore my restraining order. I can't help but get a closer smell look because I can't see anything from 200 yards. I guess the judge didn't find me dressed as a topiary on her front porch as "funny" as I did. People of power can never take a joke. Anyway...Blake Lively, like me, makes being sexy seem effortless. I hope, for her sake, she can manage the arduous tasks and burdening responsibilities. It's a bear, trust me.