Full time asshole, part time murderer having trouble with the ladies...

I was reading Foxnews.com and this was the top headline:

"Former Chicago-area police officer Drew Peterson, a suspect in the disappearance of his fourth wife and the death of his third, is finding his love life in shambles."

Why on earth would detective Peterson's love life be in shambles? Isn't every girl looking for a scumbag cop with Brian Bosworth gas station sunglasses and a history of abusing/murdering his wives? Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is every little girl's Cinderella story, is it not?

**Attention All Girls**

If your boyfriend/fiance/Husband/Lover/Pet etc...has the last name Peterson, run!!! Run for your life!!!

8th grader makes all-state football team in Florida...guess who's son?

Not just makes all-state, but 1st team all state in the state of Florida. Fred Taylor, soon to be ex-Jags running back, has a son and he's a genetic freak and an awesome running back...shocker. Can you imagine being in 8th grade and being 5'11" 205?

1ST TEAM
Offense
QB Nick Bracewell, Mayo Lafayette, 6-2/190, Jr.
RB Tamorris Grace, Fort Meade, 5-9/175, Sr.
RB David Pittman, Hawthorne, 5-9/190, Sr.
RB Kelvin Taylor, Glades Day, 5-11/205, 8th
OL Joey Mroczkowski, Mayo Lafayette, 6-3/285, Sr.
OL Jonathan Inoa, Miami Dade Chr., 6-2/285, Sr.
OL Spencer White, Branford, 6-1/250, Sr.
OL Nahum St. Fort, Naples St. John Neumann, 6-3/310, Sr.
OL Josh Cuthbert, Glades Day, 5-10/260, Sr.
WR Xavier Fagan, Moore Haven, 6-0/170, Sr.
WR Jamal Reid, Mayo Lafayette, 6-1/190, Sr.
PK Luke Cherry, Jacksonville Providence, 6-3/195, Sr.
UT Clint Trickett, Tallahassee North Florida Christian, 6-2/170, Jr.



Jeaga didn't have a middle-school football program, so at this time last year, Taylor was playing in a recreational league – the Western Communities Football League in Palm Beach County.

Glades Day appealed to Taylor because of its academic reputation and because it offered a chance for Taylor to play varsity football as a middle-schooler for a program that two years ago won the Class 1A title. The Florida High School Athletic Association allows junior high students to participate in varsity sports when they attend school in the same building as the high-schoolers, which is the setup at Glades Day.

Why is every President infinitely cooler after their term?

Two funny things about this video.

1). The joke itself.

2). The fact that Bush 41 said he would never forget, but then immediately forgot and had to look down at the paper to remind him.

Regardless, this is funny stuff.

Self asphyxiation: Chemical warfare style.

The only possible way this story could get weirder would be if it involved Gargamel, Papa Smurf and a talking porpoise.

Ralph Santiago, 31, was found dead in the men’s toilets of the building he worked wearing Wellington boots, a wetsuit and gas mask.

His body was found by a colleague at about 7am on Tuesday, July 22, last year, lying on the floor with a gas canister nearby.

Further rubber/latex outfits were found in Mr Santiago’s car and in the ladies’ toilets of his workplace at Aquis House in Blagrave Street, Reading.

The evening before he died Mr Santiago printed off information from the internet explaining how inhaling “poppers” (legal chemicals used to stimulate a sexual high) via a gas mask can cause arousal.

When you hear stories like this, you really begin to realize the importance of Natural Selection and gene pool cleansing. I vote posthumous Darwin Award for this cat.

"If I can't have them, no one will" - said a Hard core Psycho.

VICTORVILLE, Calif. — Prosecutors say a spurned lover ambushed his ex-girlfriend and tried to cut out the breast implants he paid for by stabbing her.

San Bernardino County prosecutor David Foy says 28-year-old Thomas Rowley attacked his ex in July 2006 outside her mother’s home in Hesperia, northeast of Los Angeles.

Rowley is on trial in Superior Court in Victorville for attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon, stalking, burglary, and false imprisonment.

The 26-year-old woman survived six stab wounds and the punctured breast implants were repaired.

Rowley’s former roommate Dennis McGill testified this week that the defendant wanted to reclaim what was rightfully his.

In the most sadistic way possible, I can sympathize with this guy. It's like dating a girl in high school, but just before prom you break up and she loses her virginity to someone else. You made the investment. It's simply not fair. The fact that this guy actually used a knife to retrieve the implants seems more than a little ambitious. No one has manners anymore.

Ladies...just a bit of advice. If you're going to get breast implants, please please please get the new silicon like the "Natrelle." Like the picture above they don't leak if they rupture unlike saline and the old silicon. They look and feel natural. Oh, also, before your husband pays for them, make sure he's not a psychotic killer.

I hate people.

I haven't been secretive about my disdain for Beyonce, but my loathing extends far beyond that talentless wonder. "The 12th annual Famed Hottest Looks" list came out today and it seems 5'11" Brazilian tranny was knocked off as the most desirable female figure. That makes me giggle like a school girl, but then I kept reading and I saw who knocked her off. Jennifer Plainniston. Are they kidding? Seriously, cause if that's a joke, I get it and it's damn funny. If not, either a group of homosexual plastic surgeons or scorned women (including Anniston) got together to make this list up. She's not even the prettiest girl on Friends for the love of God. I am so tired of the pity party this broad gets. Who cares. Get over yourself. Your legs are nice, but you remind us everyday by wearing shorts on talk shows that barely cover your ass with 17" stripper pumps. You see girls prettier than this everyday. Face it, Jolie is like three million times prettier than you. It's like the media and everyone that watches the View and Oprah want to hand this girl a career. She sucks. She can't carry a movie without an ensemble cast or a dying dog. I wish the Academy of Motion Pictures would change the rules and let her give out the award for Best Actress in Leading Role and then have Jolie win. I bet Anniston would self immolate right there on stage.

Just an old sweet song....

Billy Powell, keyboardist for Lynyrd Skynyrd, passed away today due a suspected heart attack. If anyone is curious why I'm moving away from this hell hole, just check out this flowing mullet and excessive adipose tissue. What's really bad, is this is one of the people with money. Imagine the average Joe's. Orange Park is like the Mecca for 10-90's(10% in the front, 90% in the back) and toothless banjo players. I bet the average BMI is equal to the systolic hypertension number. No joke. It's so bad, the song that made Lynyrd Skynyrd famous had to be about Alabama.

I've heard of fiscal irresponsibility, but give me a break.

According to a story by Drudgereport.com, the economic stimulus aka (Economic ream us) package contains 330,000,000 in STD prevention. 330 million? I've never heard anything more ridiculous. STD prevention? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? I couldn't care less about rotting genitals. STD's will be the least of our worries if the credit crisis isn't addressed and inflation/deflation is controlled. Furthermore, the only group of people that need STD awareness programs are the bathroom stall foot tapping members of Congress. It's funny, if you look up the origin of the word, Congress, you'll find it's Latin for "Coming Together." I couldn't think of a more appropriate term. No wonder they feel the need for STD prevention. Democrats will find a way to waste your money. In the worst financial crisis in nearly 90 years, democrats make HPV and Herpes relavent. That's truly amazing.


Democrats may have eliminated provisions on birth control and sod for the National Mall in the "job stimulus" -- but buried on page 147 of the bill is stimulation for prevention of sexually transmitted diseases!

The House Democrats' bill includes $335 million for sexually transmitted disease education and prevention programs at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned.

Jackson Pollock would've been 97 today...

Google thought enough of Mr Pollock to have him as the search image today. To be honest, I knew he was post-modern, but I couldn't tell you one thing about this guy, so I looked him up on Wikipedia. Guess what? I still can't tell you one thing about him. Every painting I saw looked like it had been painted at a Parkinson's support group. I know this guy is a "genius" or whatever, but seriously, give me a strobe light and an epileptic and I'll give you a Jackson Pollock.

Jessica Simpson Won America's Next Top Model

The most ironic thing ever typed is as follows: Jessica Simpson performs at a chili cookoff in Pembroke Pines Florida. The problem with that is, I'm not convinced it's Jessica Simpson. Instead of Jessica, it could be Whitney, the Plus Sized season 10 winner of America's Next Top Model. I'm seriously not sure because there's no way in thirty-one hells the Dallas Cowboy quarterback beds this land beast. Afterall, Romo could have anyone...like the Daisy Duke wearing Jessica Simpson from Dukes of Hazzard. There's no way Romo would waste his time with Whitney, the plus size winner of America's Next Top Model. Whitney actually might be hotter than this Chili connoisseur, crisco smoothie drinking, hot dog eating champion.

Can you even pick out Whitney?

Tacos, fettucini, Linguini, martini, bikini...just stop having a boring life.

I've haven't wanted to order something off television so bad since 1999, when I liquidated all my stock in order to talk to Miss Cleo.

College of the Holy Cross Delivers...

This 2003 valedictorian of the College of the Holy Cross is President Barack Obama's head speechwriter. He's 27 years old and yet already has a Presidential Inaugural Address under his proverbial belt. He apparently snaps his fingers and girls come running. He's currently dating the girl below, Alejandra Campoverdi, who is a former Maxim model, former reality show contestant(For Love or Money), actress(Aviator), Harvard graduate, and aid to the White House Cheif of Staff. So, in synopsis, Jon Boy is making a mockery of average 27 year old dudes, by crushing everything he puts his hands on. I'm not going to go so far as to say I have a man crush on this guy, but if he were sitting below me in the mall, I would totally pour my Icee on his head ala Gary and Wyatt in Weird Science.

Native Americans grabbed their ankles in 1626

This is a split photo of the island of Manhattan now and in 1609. In 1626, Peter Minuit acquired Manhattan from native people in exchange for trade goods worth 60 guilders, often mistakenly said to be worth $24: 60 guilders back then had the approximate value of $1000 now.

So basically, Peter Minuit was the 1609 equivalent of Bernie Madoff.

Ive got 99 problems and Jay-Z is one.

In order for viable role models to rise up from the African-American community, behavior exhibited by artists like Young Jeezy, Jay Z, etc must be castigated. This has no place in American society and should be deplorable to all the strong African-American men and women that endured racism and slavery and fought for Civil Rights in this country.

I, too, sing America.

I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.

Tomorrow,
I'll be at the table
When company comes.
Nobody'll dare
Say to me,
"Eat in the kitchen,"
Then.

Besides,
They'll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed--

I, too, am America.
Langston Hughes

Well Mr Hughes, you're right more than you know. Indeed, tomorrow has come. The darker brother doesn't eat in the kitchen anymore, but instead, the White House and we all admire the beauty and fortitude. Sadly though, you're right, I am ashamed. I'm ashamed that through social progression and therefore equality, many have refused to relinquish their bigotry and self entitlement. Langston Hughes, Fredrick Douglass, MLK, Harriet Tubman, among others would be ashamed at the behavior and so-called leadership exhibited by modern-day black (pa)role models in the entertainment industry. Until divergent culture stops becoming a podium for perpetuating racism and starts becoming an instrument for social integration or at worst expressive diversity as it was in the Harlem Renaissance, Hughes singing America will be lost in translation. Jay-Z and Young Jeezy are ignorant imbiciles. They're an embarrassment to America. As a strong leader and great example to everyone, I wish President Obama would put on record that these two people couldn't score high enough to clip the roses in the rose garden of the White House. Ignorance never ceases to amaze me.

"You wanna know what really gets to me? Jan's a vegetarian. You see the hypocrisy? Jan's a vegetarian, he's a meat cutter."

If you haven't seen this gem directed by the late Ted Demme, who also directed Blow, then I hate you. This is one of the single greatest, most quotable movies ever. The unpretentious lean and poignant dialogue is beautifully written and even better performed. The Lolita aka "Dateline: To Catch a Predator" subplot with the precocious young Marty, played by Natalie Portman even works, despite the feeling that I'm watching something I shouldn't. There are so many reasons you need to watch this film if you haven't. Like most Cameron Crowe movies, the soundtrack is obscure and great, but unlike Crowe, Demme's Beautiful Girls actually delivers the entertainment that it promises. Trust me on this one.

I'm going to leave you staring at your fingers all afternoon...

So it goes that I'm reading this book, The Score: How The Quest For Sex Has Shaped The Modern Man, and boy have I been enlightened. In the book, and through subsequent additional reading, I've discovered a theory based on the relative length of the ring and index fingers and in utero exposure to testosterone and how they both develop the mind and body.

The hormone ‘testosterone’ is linked with many traits traditionally seen as masculine, such as aggression, becoming frustrated when you don’t get your way, and, most important of all, social dominance. Those in highly competitive occupations, such as actors and footballers, tend to have much higher levels than those in more caring jobs, such as nurses and the clergy. Men have much greater levels of testosterone in their bodies and brains than women.

Scientists believe that the amount of testosterone we were exposed to in the womb affects the ratio of index finger length to ring finger length. The higher the testosterone exposure, the longer the ring finger. Most women's index and ring fingers are almost equal because they have been exposed to less testosterone. If women have longer ring fingers, then they have more masculine tendencies. In most men, the ring finger is longer because they have higher testosterone levels. If men have ring fingers equal in length to their index fingers, or shorter, they have less masculine tendencies because they have been exposed to slightly less testosterone.

"Prenatal development is a black box," says John Manning of the University of Liverpool. He is one of a small number of scientist&: beginning to wonder if fingers could be used as a way of peering into that box.
In a paper just published in the journal Medical Hypotheses (vol. 54, p 855), Manning highlights conditions such as heart disease, breast cancer, autism and dyslexia. Both heart disease (in men) and breast cancer have been linked with high -levels of the female hormones oestrogen and progesterone. Most of the studies of this link have looked at circulating levels in the adult, but evidence is mounting that too much of the wrong hormone in the womb may be the real culprit.

This may or may not interest you, but I bet $2,000 you look at your hand.

Forrest Button...

I've seen this movie and I actually liked it a lot, but you can't deny the unsublte parallels between the two screenplays written by Eric Roth. It also further proves the theory that if you want to win awards you have to play a character afflicted.

The Curious Case of Forrest Gump - watch more funny videos

Studies show that being a pretty girl and standing next to Cheryl Cole can lead to suicide...

The bad part of being the girl beside Cheryl Cole is that she's really attractive...and she has huge legs. Don't you just inherently know that standing beside a "12" on a scale of 1-10, makes your measely "8.5" pale in comparison? For lack of a better metaphor, it's essentially like bringing a knife to a gunfight. Someone should make sure this girl dosn't have a brain tumor because this just isn't logical behavior.

Here Government, take more of my money. You invest it so much better than I do.

So, Bank of America acquires Merrill Lynch, absorbs bad Countrywide loans, and then gets nearly 140 billion in Gov't aid and guarantees against bad assets. I'm not an economist. I'm no Ben Graham. I don't even use my checkbook register, but I can tell this with absolute certainty: Spending 140 billion to bail out a company worth 20 billion is idiotic. The money we've paid into this corperate bail out won't be repaid to our children's children. How is this a good investment? People on Wall Street would laugh if this deal were introduced to them, but yet we're expected to absorb superfluous debt and greed with our hard earned money and not question where or to whom it goes. If you're not angry, you're not only not paying attention, you're an idiot.

President Barack H Obama

Like most newly inaugurated Presidents, I'm sure President Obama will sit in the Oval Office for the first time tonight and think to himself, "What do I do now?" He's got a tremendous amount of hurdles to clear and an American people that are thirsty for a promising tomorrow and the change they were promised. As an American and proud patriot, I wish for President Obama the best four years this nation has ever seen. God speed.

Historic Benediction

Despite the oratory skills of Obama, his honest, lean and sobering speech wasn't my favorite of the inauguration. That prize belonged to 87 year old, Joseph Lowery, and his benediction. This pioneer of the Civil Right's Movement captivated America with these beautifully written and spoken words.

Katie Couric Quits CBS to join Indigo Girls and Melissa Etheridge World Tours...

Katie,

Your new lettuce is just wretched. Did I mention it's awful. Seriously, terrible.

Who Could've Seen This Coming...???

TMZ reports,

Four Men Down at "Notorious" After Party
Posted Jan 18th 2009 10:38AM by TMZ Staff

By the time the MTV Movie Awards come around, there won't be any one left alive who's actually seen the film "Notorious."

Just one day after a guy was gunned down at a premiere of the film about Notorious B.I.G., four men were stabbed at a NY nightclub following an unofficial after party for the flick.

During the stab-fest at the Djumbala Club, a 21-year-old man sustained multiple stab wounds and is listed in critical condition, while the three others remain stable.

Fox Searchlight denies any connection to the party.


Honestly, there couldn't be a more predictable end to this premiere after party unless you made a movie called Palestinians and Israelis (We're Not Friends) Part 6,506. When a very disguised drink sipping Tupac was approached on an unchartered island for comment he pointed in the opposite direction and yelled, "Look there's Elvis. Picture me rollin..." Then he ran away.

Early Inaugural Warning

I want to remind everyone to be safe on Tuesday as the streets will be lined with gold and gold can be pretty slippery.

Yeah cause Social Security and Medicare work great...

Obama team weighs government bank to ease crisis

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The incoming Obama administration is considering setting up a government-run bank to acquire bad assets clogging the financial system, a person familiar with the Obama team's thinking said on Saturday.

The U.S. Federal Reserve, Treasury and Federal Deposit Insurance Corp have been in talks about ways to ease a banking crisis that is once again deepening -- and a government-run "aggregator bank" is among the options.

Outgoing Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and FDIC Chairman Sheila Bair both said on Friday a government bank was one of a number of ideas U.S. regulators had been discussing.

The source said advisers to President-elect Barack Obama, who takes office on Tuesday, were also considering the idea of an aggregator bank among a range of options that could be pursued.

David Axelrod, a top adviser to Obama, told Reuters the new administration would have something to say about a fresh approach to the financial crisis in "the next few days."

"I'm not going to get into the structure of how we're going to approach the revamped financial rescue package," Axelrod said after speaking to a conference of mayors in Washington.

"What we have to do is approach this with a lot more transparency on the front end."

In addition to steps to bolster banks, Obama officials want to aggressively attack the underlying causes of the credit crisis: the sharp downturn in the U.S. housing market and the related deterioration in mortgage-related assets.

"There are a range of things we're going to have to do to stabilize the financial community and part of it is going to involve housing, and part of it is going to involve how we approach this issue generally," Axelrod said.

If you know anything about the horrible efficiency with which the Government operates, you know that nationalized banking is a horrible idea. Thomas Jefferson knew this about centralized banking like a million years ago. Why don't people know this now.

"The central bank is an institution of the most deadly hostility existing against the Principles and form of our Constitution. I am an Enemy to all banks discounting bills or notes for anything but Coin. If the American People allow private banks to control the issuance of their currency, first by inflation and then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around them will deprive the People of all their Property until their Children will wake up homeless on the continent their Fathers conquered" (Jefferson).

World's most non-virgin virgin to auction off her first...err..3,197,231st time.

I'm not one judge, but the poor schmuck that wins the bid on Ebay for this gal's supposed virginity, which is north of 3.6 million dollars, is paying for for nothing other than a night with an experienced hooker pretending to be a virgin. You don't usually see pictures like the one above unless it's in a magazine that cost more than seven dollars and comes in private black wrapping so no one can tell which porn magazine you bought.

Do you really want to hurt me??...at least that's what he said.

Boy George (Real name: George O'Dowd) was sentenced to 15 months in jail today for falsely imprisoning a male escort in April 2007, according to the AP:

The singer had been convicted in December of handcuffing Norwegian escort Audun Carlsen to a wall hook at his East London apartment. During the trial, prosecutors said Carlsen was held by O'Dowd for under an hour.
The singer denied the charge, saying he had restrained Carlsen with handcuffs while trying to figure out if a computer had been tampered with. Carlsen, 29, said O'Dowd swung at him with a metal chain as he ran from the apartment after a naked photo shoot.

It seems that being a Karma Chameleon doesn't prevent you from tying up male prostitutes and beating them with chains. In fact, if anyone is laughing, it's Karma himself. What is it with washed up British pop singers with George in their names. Between George Michael and Boy George, the Mirror UK doesnt even have to look for gossip.

Fatonce will sing for the President.

It seems that either the Obama's hearing are almost completely shot, or their taste in music is horrendous. Etta James' At Last, one of the most timeless, romantic, classy songs of all time will be performed by Beyonce "Crisco" Knowles at the inauguration celebration. She also performed this number at the Kennedy Center a few months back and boy was the audience treated to an epic performance. And by epic, I mean similar to hearing a wounded wildabeest fighting on the Serengeti for his life against a pride of lions epic. This pitiful excuse for entertainment is the worst singer on earth. She sings like she's attached to one of those belts from the 1970's that were supposed to help you lose weight. All they really did was vibrate and shake you into a sweat. I would almost bet 250.00 that she wouldn't even get to Hollywood on American Idol. She was by a mile the worst singer in Destiny's Child. If it weren't for her 38" extensions, mile wide ass, and decent face, she would be taking orders at Burger King. Instead, she sings for our President. I'm embarrassed for our country. I would rather hear Wiliam Hung sing Ricky Martin.

Speak for yourselves, quitters.

SABMiller PLC, the London-based brewer of Grolsch, Miller Genuine Draft and Peroni Nastro Azzurro lagers, said on Thursday its beer shipments fell unexpectedly in the third quarter as consumers pulled back on their demand.

Carlsberg A/S, the Copenhagen-based maker of Carlsberg beer, said it was cutting 274 jobs to save on costs due to a future "where we face more uncertainties and risks," the company said in a statement.

Beer usually holds up better than other categories during tough economic times, said Benj Steinman, editor of trade publication Beer Marketer's Insights, and that trend had been holding true during this recession for some segments of the industry. But the latest figures show the market is trending downward, perhaps accelerating as global economies continue to sputter, and relief seems uncertain.

Beer is "recession-resistant, not recession-proof," Steinman said.

SABMiller said lager volumes fell 1 percent in the three-month period that ended Dec. 31, compared with the same period a year earlier, because of the economy.

I don't know about you all, but I can't think of a better time to be a booze hound than right now.

This pilot needs the Congressional Medal of Honor...and sexy time with anyone he chooses.

Imagine being at work in Midtown Manhattan and out of the corner of your eye you see a commercial airliner barely clear the George Washington Bridge on its way to plunging into the icy cold waters of the Hudson River. People in New York, especially since 9-11, have seen the most unbelievable instances that could easily resemble domestic terrorism. First the the blackout, then the baseball player, Cory Lidle, crashes his plane into the apartment building. Then you get a plane filled with 150 people crashing into the 34 degree water and everyone lives. I basically live my life on hyperbole. It's the basis for every joke I tell. In all seriousness though, everytime a plane takes off, I feel with absolute certainty that the plane is going to crash. I'm not kidding. It's true. I breathe heavy, my heart races, and I sweat profusely. I have such anxiety over take offs. If I were in this plane there would've been one fatality because there is absolutely no chance I could've crash landed in milk chocolate flavored river without having an aneurysm or a massive heart attack. I heard on the news that the pilot usually gets sued when planes crash because of some sort of pilot error. If this guy gets sued, I'll dedicate the rest of my life to making sure that person regrets litigation.

Get outta town...No way!!!

Time heals some wounds, so Ronald Goldman’s dad, Fred, might be interested in this. I ran into O.J. Simpson’s former criminal attorney, Robert Shapiro, night before last at a party celebrating Mickey Rourke’s Golden Globe win. I asked Shapiro, who led the Simpson “Dream Team” in 1994-95 that got Simpson acquitted of double murder, what he thought of his former client in retrospect.

Shapiro was quick to respond. “He’s a sociopath,” Shapiro said, surprisingly. This was just after I told him of seeing F. Lee Bailey last fall, and that Bailey was still defending Simpson.

Did Shapiro always think Simpson was a sociopath, I wondered? Shapiro smiled. “What do you think?” he answered rhetorically.

If someone relates this anecdote to Simpson, now at last in prison but not for the murders, he may well surmise that his staunchest former defender is finally ‘fessing up about his feelings. Too late, but still, it’s nice to know.

You mean OJ is crazy! Then why did all those people in my classes in high school wear paper signs that said OJ is NOT GUILTY? Im really confused. You say he butchered his wife and an innocent bystander in cold blood? He stabbed her how many times? He had been beating her for years? Are we talking about Orenthal James Simpson. This man is a stand up citizen. He played Officer Norberg in Naked Gun with such an assuming brilliance. I just can't believe this. A sociapath? That's a bold statement Mr. Shapiro.

Just for kicks, I looked up the profile of a sociopath. You know, just maybe, this Shapiro guy could be on to something...

Profile of the Sociopath
This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.

Glibness and Superficial Charm

Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

Incapacity for Love

Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

Irresponsibility/Unreliability
Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

Let me get this straight...

SYDNEY (AFP) – An Australian state is offering internationally what it calls "the best job in the world" -- earning a top salary for lazing around a beautiful tropical island for six months.

The job pays 150,000 Australian dollars (105,000 US dollars) and includes free airfares from the winner's home country to Hamilton Island on the Great Barrier Reef, Queensland's state government announced on Tuesday.

In return, the "island caretaker" will be expected to stroll the white sands, snorkel the reef, take care of "a few minor tasks" -- and report to a global audience via weekly blogs, photo diaries and video updates.

The successful applicant, who will stay rent-free in a three-bedroom beach home complete with plunge pool and golf buggy, must be a good swimmer, excellent communicator and be able to speak and write English.

"They'll also have to talk to media from time to time about what they're doing so they can't be too shy and they'll have to love the sea, the sun, the outdoors," said acting state Premier Paul Lucas.

"The fact that they will be paid to explore the islands of the Great Barrier Reef, swim, snorkel and generally live the Queensland lifestyle makes this undoubtedly the best job in the world."

Ok. I'm going be presumptuous and say that if there was ever a job that I was born for, this is the one. Let's recap the qualifications:

Be expected to stroll the white sands, snorkel the reef, take care of "a few minor tasks" -- and report to a global audience via weekly blogs, photo diaries and video updates.The successful applicant, who will stay rent-free in a three-bedroom beach home complete with plunge pool and golf buggy, must be a good swimmer, excellent communicator and be able to speak and write English.

Basically, you need to be awesome, articulate and good on camera? Why wouldn't you choose me? I've got experience. I could care for this island, swim, drink beer, create a "Wilson" that I could talk to during the lonely nights, and Blog/Vlog in my sleep. This job to me is like Chess for Bobby Fischer.

Thanks Brad...this is like divine intervention.

Sphere denied MRI

When a 5-foot, 275-pound woman found out she had a tumor on her spine, she was told by her local hospital to go the zoo to have a MRI because a regular MRI machine could not hold her weight, myfoxkc.com reported.

Carolyn Ragan told the television station she discovered the tumor two years ago and, after the hospital told her she could not use their MRI machine, a medical assistant said he would help her find a solution.

“So he suggested the Kansas City Zoo,” Ragan said. “I thought, I know I’m big, but I’m not as big as an elephant. And my husband got mad.”

The University of Kansas Hospital would not comment on Ragan’s claim, but said its MRI department does not know of any animal MRI in the Kansas City area that would scan a human.

Ragan’s problem was two-fold: She was too heavy for the table and too wide to slide through the opening.

OMG!! 5'0" 275lbs? Is that really humanly possible? With all puns and cliches aside, she's as wide as she is tall. I bet her weight problem started with her thyroid or pituitary imbalance. Wait, I bet it's genetic. Actually, I think it started when she began two fisting Cold Stone Creamery with Supreme Pizza toppings. I wonder what she sees when she goes into the funhouse at the carnival and stands in front of the mirror that turns you into a midget? Does the opposite happen for her? Does she become tall and skinny. Hmmmm...doubt it.

Jen, stop sending me these. I'm serious.

Braves give Derek Lowe 2 years too many...oh...and 15 mill a year.

They’ve agreed to terms with veteran pitcher Derek Lowe on a four-year, $60 million contract, a person familiar with negotiations said this morning. The deal will be finalized after Lowe takes a physical Wednesday.

Lowe would join a potentially strong new-look Braves rotation that will include Jair Jurrjens and offseason additions Javier Vazquez and Kenshin Kawakami, a Japanesse star who’ll be introduced to Atlanta at a news conference this afternoon to announce his free-agent signing.

Lowe, 35, has been among baseball’s most reliable starting pitchers since moving to Boston’s rotation in 2002, averaging 15 wins, 208 innings and nearly 34 starts over the past seven seasons.

In 2008 with the Los Angeles Dodgers, he was 14-11 with a 3.24 ERA in 211 innings, including 6-1 with a 1.27 ERA in his last 10 starts.


Look I know this was a good move, but four years? He's 36 years old. He's got two years in him...tops. When the Mets organization passes on him, there's a problem. The Mets would only go 3 years. I, personally, wouldve only gone two. The Braves needed pitching which they addressed this offseason, but man, I'm a little skeptical of this. Time will tell.

It's so tight in there anaerobic bacteria could grow.

Beyonce, I know J-zzzzz aka Jesus aka H 2 the Izzo likes your fat ass, but we don't. When you go to a classy awards show, please go for the 10 instead of squeezing into the 6 and using three rolls of duct tape to keep your mammary folds inside. I haven't seen anything so eager for freedom since Shawshank Redemption.

I dont get it...seriously, I don't.

Am I the only guy in the world that doesn't buy into the hoopla surrounding Megan Fox? Sure, I agree she has an amazing body. She's like 23. What 23 year old doesn't have an amazing body? She's basically become famous for being famous. She gives roughly two terrible performances a year in some movie where she runs around screaming or bends over a car in tight jeans, and then the rest of the year she solidifies her stardom by stripping down for Maxim, Gear, FHM, or some other pointless magazine that only dorks subscribe. Everytime I see this chick, I'm less impressed than the time before. I just wish people would formulate their own opinions of stars and quit letting the media decide who's hot for them. The fact that this chick has a SAG card makes about as much sense as Paul Walker having one.

Meanwhile, Jennifer Anniston drinks Drano smoothie.

It's almost like interviewers try to create a scenario that would create the most gutwrenching heartache for Jennifer Anniston.

"So Brad, when you said in GQ that you hadn't started living until you met Angelina and that you regret ever marrying that Plain Jane Jennifer Anniston, do you still feel that way?"

"You also said that you thank God everyday for Nicole Kidman and Cathrine Zeta Jones backing out of the lead for Mr and Mrs Smith because you found the love of your life, the mother of your children, the sexiest and most fertile woman on the planet..." Tell me about that?

I would feel sorry for her, but it's been like a decade or something and every chance she gets, she spills her guts about her hatred for Angelina Jolie. It must be tough to be the equivalent of Molly Ringwold, but when your ex husband marries (ANGEL)ina Jolie, it's understandable that you're self confidence could be utterly decimated. I bet Anniston played tick-tac-toe with the butcher knife on the inside of her leg last night. Look on the bright side, Marley and Me is #2 at the box office and Owen Wilson has the only nose on Earth that resembles a question mark. I love you Brad! (cut to Jennifer kissing television).

Finally some discrimination I can get behind...

A married couple has spoken of its shock after being turned down to adopt on the grounds that one of them is too fat.

Damien and Charlotte Hall approached Leeds City Council in West Yorkshire, England, about adoption after discovering that they were unable to have children of their own.

They were told that Hall’s size, at 6-foot-1, 343 pounds, made him morbidly obese, with a body mass index (BMI) of more than 42.

In a letter, the council told the couple his BMI must be below 40 before the couple could be considered as potential parents because of a risk he could become ill or even die.

The couple, who have been married for 11 years, said they felt the ruling was harsh.

“The bottom line is I’m too fat. I just feel as though we were only judged on my weight and not all the other good things about us," said Hall, 37, who works in a call center.

“We don’t drink or smoke and we could give a child a happy and safe home.”

Well Damien, 343 lbs is ridiculous. How can you teach anything about self respect and the importance of having a healthy body image when your heart is surrounded by fat and you make that gurgling sound when you breathe. You pay extra on Southwest Airlines because I hate sitting next you. I hate sharing a seat, but not halfing the price. I hate the fetid odor of your smegma wafting into my nostrils unvited. Exercise, lose some weight, and then just maybe you can adopt a child you will be able to see graduate from high school. Damien, listen, this isn't rocket science. In fact, you can spend hours going through special stupid cookie, Atkins, Sugar diets, but if you burn off more calories than you consume, eureka! You lose weight. How that simple formula baffles people is mind boggling.


Thanks Jen...although you shouldn't instigate.

Referees and announcers are a complete joke.

This is a little late because Ive been stewing over this for days. Nonetheless, it's arguable whether UF was the best team as OU played with them pretty much the whole game. Moreover, OU kept points off the board by two terrible calls under the helm of BIG GAME BOB just before the half by going for it on two straight 4th downs. No doubt great goaline defense, but no doubt awful play call. They shouldve been up by six. Also, this pass was the most blatant pass interference I've ever seen as the ball intended for Manny Johnson hits Major Wright in the back after he decapitates him. No one says a word...the announcers, refs, no one. If you couldn't see that, youre a complete imbicile and don't deserve to ever watch sports again...ever. To my few Gator friends that aren't complete Jort wearing White Trash, don't fret, Tebow will return because being drafted 4th or 5th round and learning a new position usually doesn't pay well.



Also, I've never seen a network so biased in my entire life. It was obvious the announcers want to make sweet man love to Tim Tebow. I'll admit, I hate them and I am usually subjective regarding Tebow or the Gators, but in this case, I'm not the only one. Articles all over the internet have commented on the biased love fest. It's so over-the-top, it's sickening. If this is considered journalism, Tim Tebow will be an NFL first round pick and hall of fame QB.

YES.....Two More Down.

According to Fox News, a Predator drone flown by a joystick held by some PS3 dork hundreds of miles away, successfully whacked two "rising stars" of Al Quaeda. The fact that they're referred to as "rising stars" makes me curious what kind of organization they're running. These dorks couldn't get dates to the prom from the special education department. Nothing makes me happier than celebrating Christmas, ringing in the New Year, and killing nut job murdering terrorists. Cheers to having more missiles being flown into their nostrils. God Bless America.

Democrats can't find their asses with both hands and a flashlight...

President-elect Barack Obama's proposed tax cuts ran into opposition Thursday from senators in his own party who said they wouldn't do much to stimulate the economy or create jobs.

Senators from both parties agreed that Congress should do something to stimulate the economy. But Democratic senators emerging from a private meeting of the Senate Finance Committee criticized business and individual tax cuts in Obama's stimulus plan.

They were especially critical of a proposed $3,000 tax credit for companies that hire or retrain workers.

"If I'm a business person, it's unlikely if you give me a several-thousand-dollar credit that I'm going to hire people if I can't sell the products they're producing," said Sen. Kent Conrad, D-N.D., a member of the committee.

"That to me is just misdirected," Conrad said.

Sen John Kerry, D-Mass., said, "I'd rather spend the money on the infrastructure, on direct investment, on energy conversion, on other kinds of things that much more directly, much more rapidly and much more certainly create a real job."

The cost of the economic rescue package Obama wants is expected to swell to $800 billion or more. About $300 billion of Obama's package would be for tax cuts or refunds for individuals and businesses.

One tax provision would provide a $500 tax cut for most workers and $1,000 for couples, at a cost of about $140 billion to $150 billion over two years. The individual tax cuts may be awarded through withholding less from worker paychecks, effectively making them about $10 to $20 larger each week.

Sen. Ron Wyden, D-Ore., said he doubted that a modest tax cut would change consumers' spending habits.

Democrats on Capitol Hill can't see the forest for the trees. This exhibits the fundamental differences in ideologies. It's not their money to spend. It's your money! Giving you the choice to spend it on credit card bills, mortgages, utilities, clothes, private school, crack, whatever, is the point of a tax cut. How is building infrastructure i.e. bridges, road repair, etc. going to stimulate the economy? Creating a job in an economy where no goods are exchanged doesn't help anyone. This is the beginning of the war against the individual. Since FDR's new deal, and perhaps before, the Government has been confident they can spend your money through tax revenue more effectively and effeciently than you can. Anyone with a brain should be insulted. The fact remains until the housing and mortgage crisis can be ameliorated, most efforts are futile. Aside from a 2 or 3 month tax break, where no income (state or federal) is withheld, no FICA, no nothing, this is the best option to get this economy boosted. Money needs to be exchanged for goods and services or more people will be losing jobs. Job creation in a shrinking economy is like leaving your inherited diamonds to Winona Ryder for safe keeping. Kiss them and your new job goodbye.

This is the Sarah that isn't a deer in headlights...

This is the lady everyone after her acceptance speech, everyone on the right fell in love with and everyone on the left pooped in their pants with fear. Afterall, here she was not only a woman with intelligence and potential, but unlike Hillary, charisma and beauty. If the McCain campaign hadn't spent so much time guiding and confusing her, they would've gotten this brilliant performance everytime she opened her mouth.

Hey!! Steve Jobs...Slow Your Roll.

Apple has essentially reinvented themselves and consequently saved their entire company with a simple MP3 player. Sure, the programming and wheel design is perfect for selecting among thousands of songs, but this, this is just ridiculous. This just seems like technological arrogance. In fact, I've never seen something more grossly ill designed and less convenient than this rubbish, especially coming from a supposed innovator like Apple. The guy in the video says, "Look it couldn't be easier." Well Steve, let me step in. Yes. Actually, yes it could. It could be much easier. It's called a keyboard. Until you can think your letters and words to the screen, this is pretty much the way I wanna go. So keep your easy wheel in Silicon Valley because this has FAIL written all over it. Just a thought...doesn't having the computer suggest your sentence completion infer I'm not smarter than the next guy? Well, I am and I swear a lot...where are those suggestions. Like Apple...Go #%@* yourself.


Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

Wynonna Judd and Jessica Alba Go Shopping...Wait, No They Don't.

Every man knows that the best way to gauge how a woman will age is by looking at her mother. Well let's put it this way. If choosing a life partner is like playing the stock market, my recommendation is you don't go long Jessica Alba. That's one commodity that you can bet your ass will lose its qualitative differentiation. I saw this today and actually breathed a sigh of relief that she's not a cyborg of perfection sent here from the Scientology planet of XENU to eradicate the world of men.

13 is my favorite number...

House M.D., resident hottie, Olivia Wilde, reminds me again why I watch the show. Why isn't she a Hollywood leading lady? Are they really trying to convince me that Midgett Johansson, Jennifer Plainniston, Renee Zellwhatever, and Cameron Diaz are better looking than this girl? Please.

Beyonce is Humble...

I wanted to include this on the last post, but I was afraid people would miss it.

This is old, but impossible to ignore. When Beyonce was accused of being jealous of her costar, Jennifer Hudson's, performance and critical acclaim in the movie Dreamgirls, Beyonce said this,

"I knew that the character that I played wasn't the star ... I'm already a star. I already have nine Grammys. Everyone knows I can sing. "I wish I could have gained 20 pounds and played Effie."

Did she say she wishes she could've gained 20 lbs? Beyonce could gain 20 lbs eating lettuce and ice smoothies while running on a treadmill uphill while wearing a weight vest. This is not hyperbole: I would rather die a slow painful death involving jellyfish stings, Amazonian piranha, and killer bees, get buried alive, or have my testes ripped off by locomotive than spend three minutes with this heinous medusa-like creature.

Beyonce aka "Crisco" aka "Fat Legs" aka "No Talent" Knowles is Healthiest Person on Earth...

Studies show that having a gigantic ass and excessive fat around the hips is actually a sign of good health.

New research, published in the journal Cell Metabolism, suggests the fat responsible for producing the pear shape flaunted by celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce may be active in protecting women from diseases by releasing certain hormones.

Buttock and hip fat may protect women against type 2 diabetes, researchers from Harvard Medical School found.

When buttocks and hip fat from mice was injected into other mice, their bodies easily used the blood sugar-regulating hormone insulin and lost weight.

They were also able to make better use of insulin, the main hormone linked to diabetes.

People with the apple shape, where fat is stored around the tummy, can be more prone to type 2 diabetes and heart disease. Those with pear-shaped bodies, where fat is collected in the buttocks, are less likely to have these disorders.

Snow Skiing Is Really Dangerous...

Imagine being a little overweight, you're on your first romantic weekend ski trip with your new girlfriend and she's never seen the peen. Well, I'm guessing getting your ski caught in the chair lift, flipping upside down, and having your pants jerked down to below your knees as you hang there helpless, revealing a very cold, very small one, isn't the way you had planned the weekend to go. Just a hunch.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't...

At the Capital One Bowl, UGA fans remind Stafford what's waiting for him when he gets drafted to the Lions, mass graves of Quarterbacks. The conundrum is this, if he goes, his career lasts maybe 2-3 years. If he stays, well ask Matt Leinart if he's glad he stayed. The answer would be hell no. He lost at least 15-20 million. So Stafford, stay and finish third in the SEC...again, potentially lose millions in cash, or enter the draft and go to the worst team ever in the history of NFL football with only one receiver to throw to and run for your life with no protection. Easy decisions. Just flip a coin. Look on the brightside, your options are better than Tebow's for once.

Not that I'm a fan either, but come on Hippocrites...

Drudge is reporting from sources inside NBC, that the network is banning Ann Coulter from any further appearances on their network. In fact she was replaced at the last minute on the Today Show with Perez Hilton, who recently offered $1,000 to anyone that throws a pie and hits Coulter. The funny thing about NBC is the quote they issued that followed her dismissal from the show and subsequent ban.

"We are just not interested in anyone so highly critical of President-elect Obama, right now," a TODAY insider reveals. "It's such a downer. It's just not the time, and it's not what our audience wants, either."

That's the single most ignorant, hippocritical remark ever spoken. Haven't we been saying this to the same idiotic network(s) for at least 4 years? You're right Today Show, that's not what we want, but it didn't stop you with President Bush. All the American people have gotten is Bush Bashing with or without merit. I'm not a fan of Coulter or Bush necessarily, but kudos to her and her new book, Guilty, which accuses liberal media sources of biased journalism, among them NBC, and obviously MSNBC. Doesn't seem like such a far fetched accusation now, huh? This is a time where I truly wish boycotts worked. I would love to NBC to sink in the ratings...even more than they have with their stupid news outlets no one watches and their God-awful attempts at comedy like 30 Rock and (S)till (N)not (L)aughing. This network has truly jumped the shark in every way imaginable. I can't believe they had the nerve to release this quote to the American people in an attempt to be honorable. Your I.Q. is below 50 if you don't find the irony.

I'm really not surprised...ok...maybe a little.

Fox News, along with Matt Drudge, are reporting that President Elect Obama is headed to Capitol Hill to meet with members including House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi. The purpose of this meeting is reportedly to build some steam for his economic stimulus package which contains nearly a 300 Billion dollar tax cut (Nearly 40% of the total package).

There is one deadly Socialistic problem with this package though. With 157 million tax returns filed every year, only 100 million of those actually pay taxes. Obama plans to rebate everyone. Yes, it may stiumlate the economy, assumming people that make consistently poor decisions with money actually spend it on something that will assist them through the financial turmoil...but I'm not holding my breath. If you don't pay taxes, then you shouldn't get money back. It's simply not right. It's equally stupid for CEO's of underperforming companies to get huge bonuses. It just doesn't compute. I find that most of his moves thus far, with a few exceptions in the Cabinet, have been Centrist. I feel the strong sensation that I'm being lured closer and closer to the water, only for the lurking Crocodile to snatch me under, drown me, and stick me under some log and save me for later.

Neopolitan Ice Cream...Human Style

People Magazine reports,

A mixed-race couple has wowed Britain with a set of twins, one black and one white – for the second time.

Dean Durrant, who is black, and his wife, Alison Spooner, who is white, welcomed twin girls in November, one of them dark-toned, the other very fair, The Sun reports. It was a miraculous repeat of 2001, when the couple had their first children, also twin girls, and also of opposite skin tones.

The elder twins' differences are more than skin deep, too. While Lauren, who is very fair, is a tomboy who adores Hannah Montana and is full of pep, twin Hayleigh, who is darker, likes dressing up and curling up with a book when she's not belting out High School Musical tunes.

There's really nothing clever I can say about this. God actually beat me to the punch. It's like playing Yahtzee, but with people, DNA and melanocytes.

Momma's Boys Never Disappoints...

Not only did she, "Not get a date," but she'll Never, Ever, Ever get one again. In fact, every guy that meets this broad would rather send his penis into a burning house than ask her out on a date.

Must be Key West Police...

One of the major problems with wearing your pants too low.


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