Ch...Ch...Ch...Chia

Socialite, make-believe actor, and notorious butter-face, Audrina Patridge, has finally realized her stock should be shorted and has settled for a relationship with her male unfamous counterpart, Ryan Cabrerra. At least she knows her place on the evolutionary ladder of reproductive fitness. Every single time she leaves her house, I bet she refers to her Post-It note attached to her fridge: Accentuate expensive drips of golden silicone honey to divert attention from Chia Pet boyfriend. Hollywood has become a complete joke. Imagine Clark Gable, Katharine Hepburn, Marlon Brando, Ingrid Bergman, Humphrey Bogart, Grace Kelly, Carey Grant, or Mae West hanging out at a Hollywood Party with the cast from the The Hills or Jersey Shore. I hate Hollywood more than Whitney Houston.

Blake Lively is kinda pretty...and by kinda...I mean VERY.

If you wake up everyday and stare into the mirror and looking back at you is someone on the Hills, pretending to be famous, your life sucks. It sucks mainly because you're on minute 14.8 of 15. Aside from that though, it sucks because you're a twenty something trying your best to exploit your 9 body and 6 face while hiding lack of talent, which by the way, isn't working...we can see you have no talent. I bet 100 dollars every one of those chicks, Audrina Cavallari, Heidi Port, Brody Conrad, or whatever their stupid names are, spend their nights sticking pins into voodoo dolls that look like Blake Lively. Honestly, she makes looking hot so simple. I would move 30 lbs of hot coals with my mouth for one chance to see her underpants. If your face and legs are this complimentary there's nothing you can be besides be the object of sexual starved men's fantasies. Not since Cindy Crawford has a mole on the face been more desirable. In the most creepy way imaginable, I look at it and wanna eat it like an M&M.