Lindsay Lohan is doing awesome.

As you can plainly tell by this photo, Lindsay Lohan has it all together. She is the epitome of a timeless Hollywood starlet. In fact, when I think of Hollywood, I think Kathrine Hepburn then Lindsay Lohan. Everything about her is a wreck--her sad father blogging about his life, her SaMANtha boyfriend...all of it. Dude, just like your daughter, you're not a star and no one cares about you. It's such a funny place, fame. Gone are the days of talent giving rise to your star power. Acting, singing, dancing--who cares about silly things like that? When you make yourself horizontally mattress accessible and put it on film, have it "stolen," well then, you're on your way to the top. That's new fame. Lindsay Lohan hasn't done a successful movie in like 5 or more years. In fact, the last time she had a successful box office showing, she was still involved with Disney. Things aren't getting any better for her it appears. Her latest movie not only will forego its appearance in the theaters, but this piece of total garbage won't even be released on video. It's going straight to TV. Eric Roberts movies don't even do that. This is actually Lindsay's greatest accomplishment. This will almost certainly solidify her the honor of not just her first Razzie, but her second. (I Know Who Killed Me).

US Magazine reports:
The film's production company, Nu Image/Millennium Films, has confirmed that the comedy will premiere on ABC Family in July 2009. It will be released on DVD a month later. In the film -- which wrapped last August -- Lohan plays a woman who fakes being pregnant to save herself from being fired. She must then keep the lie going for nine months. It is the latest film dud for the star, whose last movie efforts include the critically-panned indie Chapter 27 and I Know Who Killed Me. She briefly appeared on ABC's Ugly Betty.

Despite being broke and out of work, Lindsay, known for making amazingly solid decisions, recently bought a brand new Maserati, which she's already wrecked, and a Presidential Rolex.

I'm not trying to be presumptuous, but I'm almost sure my sexually explicit role in Prince of Tides has more reputable Hollywood significance than anything Lindsay Lohan has done.