Thursday, May 16, 2013

Note to self: Malaysia is an effing nightmare.



While doing my daily run through the blues news, I noticed a story that stuck out to me.  Upon clicking on said story, I noticed that another story stuck out.  When I read that story, I saw yet another story.  Then I thought to myself, "Holy hell Toto, we're not in Kansas, anymore." 

In a fit of anger following a quarrel with his girlfriend, a drunken man cut off his penis and testicles with a pair of scissors. The 46-year-old man from Jilong city in Taiwan then flushed his severed organ down the toilet bowl, Kwong Wah Yit Poh reported. His girlfriend, whose name and age was not known, could only watch him commit the act in horror. She rushed the man, who was bleeding profusely by then, to a hospital. The report said that after the cut, there was only 3cm of the man's penis that remained. However, he could still urinate. After regaining consciousness, the man could not believe what he did. He freaked out and screamed while his girlfriend was seen praying with her hands clasped outside.

I'm not one to play on racial stereotypes; however, I love it when comedians do because it's funny as shit.  That said, the one thing that I couldn't help but notice was after severing his penis and flushing it down the toilet, there was only three cm left.  Wait.  He couldn't have started with much more than that right?  Scientific evidence shows Asians have the smallest penises.  I'm just a man quoting science.  I mean I understand trying to be a Billy Badass in front of your girlfriend, but I gotta be honest bro, there are certainly more strategic ways of being a boss than cutting off your junk and sending it on a water slide ride through the sewers of Malaysia.  Imagine the dudes working the water treatment plant.  That made for a weird Tuesday.

The daily also reported that a 59-year-old mother took her own life after giving money for the last time to her jobless son. It said that her unemployed 37-year-old son, a drug addict, had been asking money from her often. On Wednesday night, he threatened to kill himself if he was not given NT$80,000 (RM8,000) from his mother, a factory janitor. She gave him NT$40,000 (RM4,000) and then stabbed herself. The son, after learning of his mother's death, sobbed uncontrollably at the police station.

I'm sinking deeper into a dark cloud of depression...

Guang Ming Daily reported that a 15-year-old boy was molested by a man who posed as a police officer. The 5.30pm incident on Tuesday took place in Rawang when the teenager was stopped by the man after withdrawing money at a bank. The man claimed that the teenager had behaved suspiciously and asked to examine his backpack. He then ordered the teenager to follow him on his motorcycle to the police station for a urine test. However, the man took the boy to a secluded area and told him to take off his pants, threatening to arrest him if he did not oblige. Afraid and helpless, the teenager pulled down his pants and the man fondled his private parts for several minutes before abandoning him by the roadside. Ashamed and angry, the teenager lodged a police report, accompanied by his family members, at the Gombak police station.


Holy shit...this is like Dante's 9th layer of hell.  I'd rather walk through Harlem dressed as a white supremacist than be anywhere near the border of Malaysia.  If movies existed in real life, Malaysia would be like Biff's alternate 1985 from Back to the Future II.  There's just sex crimes, hookers, drugs, violence, bad hair and Marty's mom's ridiculous fake rack everywhere in this seedy country.  To think, it's so bad in Cuba that people get on life rafts and fight the ocean for a chance at freedom.  I can't even imagine what these people are doing to get out of that place.  You'd be better off raising your kids in a crack house supervised by the Castro brothers and John Wayne Gacy than letting your kids wake up one more day in the hell of Malaysia.  

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