Beyonce's lip synch spectacular

Honestly, could the Oscars have been more uneventful. News sources are reporting that many of the Hollywood elite, whatever that means, "no showed" the most important event of the year. I can't blame them. Watching this liberal self indulgent love fest last night was about as painful as getting poked in the eye with hot syphilis needles. I would rather be eaten alive by mountain lions.

For some reason, producers of the Oscar ceremony wanted to ensure the lowest ratings in history, so they scheduled Fatonce to perform in some outfit that made her look like Jessica Rabbit with a weight problem. She performed as I expected...she didn't. She walked around moving her mouth, but to say she sang well would be misleading. I'm pretty sure david Blain and David Copperfield were involved with Fatonce's performance because at the beginning of the video, they somehow tricked the audience into thinking that the loud booming sounds as she was walking down the steps were drums and not her inner thighs clapping together. I know the real truth you sneaky magicians.