Heather Graham just made my heart explode...

I don't know where Heather Graham has been hiding, but wherever that is, everyone should go there immediately because her secret hiding place is obviously the Foutain of Youth. No joke, if I were within 30 feet of this chick at this premiere, it would take the National Guard and unmanned drones armed with biological weapons to keep me from getting arrested. I haven't seen a hotter picture since Heidi came out of the shower the other night showing me how easily she could bend over and smile with her head between her legs...ok...maybe that didn't happen.

Will Ferrell will get his ass kicked this weekend...

I just sat through the funniest movie of the year without question. The Hangover, to me, as I watched the trailers, didn't seem all too promising, but boy was I dead wrong. I haven't seen a funnier movie since Wedding Crasers or Dumb and Dumber. If you mixed Wedding Crashers, Very Bad Tings, Bachelor Party, and Swingers, you've got The Hangover. If you're a guy, you should die if you don't see this in the theater. Honestly, this comedy was a perfect storm of crude sexuality, frat pack humor, a token fat guy, Vegas, drinking, strippers/hookers, weddings, bad decisions, and most importantly, Heather Grahams/Mercedes' bare breasts. My bet is that this will be by far the largest grossing comedy of the year.

My mammary isn't as good as it used to be...

Everytime I see Heather Graham, I'm immediately thrust back into the time when the Corey's were famous. A time when shooting your jeans with a shotgun was awesome and the girl on the car in the Whitesnake video wasn't fat or schizophrenic. I remember The Lost Boys, Slip-n-Slides, banana clips, vision street wear, Ocean Pacific, and neon homemade bracelets. Although above all else going on in my pathetic adolescent life, when the goddess, Heather Graham, appeared to me as a gift from God in License to Drive, all other dreams girls sans Alyssa Milano, were on the backburner. I made it my lifelong ambition to date a girl named Mercedes. Sadly, and not, that never happened. All that said, over the years Heather Graham has struggled like a midget on tall day to find parts in Hollywood largely because she has no talent, but partly because she doesn't wear outfits like this that accentuate her "eyes" more often. If I were her agent, I would insist that her pathway to super stardom would be paved with gold if, and only if, she change her name to Mercedes and starred in License to Drive 2: My Daughter Porsche learns to drive...rated NC-17.