I think there's a firestorm in my underoos.

Famous celebrity photographer, Russell James, recently drugged Heidi Klum, among other supermodels, stripped them down, got them dirty, got them wet...hold on(BRB)......regains breath......ok, and took their pictures for his new book and all I can think of is how much I hate Russell James. If I had known that straight people could photograph supermodels, I would've certainly been a professional supermodel photographer. What the hell were my guidance counselors doing? Why weren't they directing me toward my God given gifts and abilities. That's what happens when you grow up in a small town. Fashion magazines and Sport Illustrated swim suit issues were just figments of my community's imagination. Dammit, I should've branched out. Getting paid for watching models like Heidi strip down and roll around in the sand seems a little less like work and little more like a honeymoon in Maldives. I'm probably only going to leave this post up a few days for fear that everytime I access the page and see these pics, I'm going to black out, only to found I've awoken in a pool of my own sweat with my jeans shredded and bloody, like I've been simultaneously attacked by a pack of rabid starving wolverines and a werewolf.

Holy Crazy Batman!

A Maryland woman involved with a group described as a religious cult pleaded guilty in the starvation death of her son, but insisted that the charges be dropped when he is resurrected.

Under terms of her plea agreement, Ria Ramkissoon's charges will be dropped if her son rises from the dead.

Ramkissoon, a member of a group called One Mind Ministries, believes Javon Thompson, her year-old son, will rise again, and as part of her plea agreement, authorities agreed to the clause.

"She certainly recognizes that her omissions caused the death of her son," Silverman said. "To this day, she believes it was God's will and he will be resurrected and this will all take care of itself. She realizes if she's wrong, then everyone has to take responsibility ... and if she's wrong, then she's a failure as a mother and the worst thing imaginable has happened. I don't think that, mentally, she's ready to accept that."

Under the plea agreement, Ramkissoon, 22, must testify against four other One Mind Ministries members who are also facing charges, including first-degree murder, in Javon's death. At her sentencing, set for August, she will receive a 20-year sentence, which will be suspended except for the time she has already served behind bars, Silverman said. She must also undergo deprogramming and psychiatric counseling.

Ramkissoon and the others are accused of denying Javon food after the group's leader, a 40-year-old woman who goes by the name Queen Antoinette, decreed the boy was a demon since he refused to say "amen" after meals, Silverman said.

"Ria would cling to him every day and try to get him to say 'amen,' " Silverman said. Eventually, Queen Antoinette ordered that Ramkissoon be separated from the child, he said.

Javon is believed to have died in December 2006, court documents allege. Following his death, the group members put the boy's body in a back room, and "everyone was directed to come in and pray," according to the documents. "The Queen told everyone that 'God was going to raise Javon from the dead.' Javon remained in the room for an extended period of time (in excess of one week). The resurrection never took place."

Really? I was almost positive that he would resurrect. I can't believe this. Where are the miracles these days? Oh yeah, the miracle of this story is that this poor little child doesn't have to live with its crazy ass mother. What has to happen in your life when you're so desperate for love and acceptance, that joining a crazy cult that urges the murder of your helpless child, seems like the logical path to emotional redemption. Crazy is staggering down Peachtree Street screaming at yourself. This insanity, it's beyond words. This girl makes Charlie Manson seem like the Prom King or the Youth Director at your local church. You're a nut case if you kill your own child, but when you start talking about resurrection, long distance can't reach you to bring you back to the land of normalcy. Execute this woman. Don't wait for a trial or for her son to come back from the dead. I would love to pull the switch on this one.

I'm still waiting on my money from Tanzania.

I'm not sure this one was a scam. Mike Nash is going to be regretting this for a long long time. Opportunities don't come along like this very often.

This smiling dumbass should be locked away without food or water.

Two cats suffered so cruelly before dying, prosecutors say, that they decided to charge a Palm Beach County teacher with two felonies Monday.

Police initially accused Allison Dinsmore, 26, of misdemeanor animal cruelty this month when her two cats' wasted corpses were found in her Boca Raton apartment.

Investigators said the Congress Middle School teacher's cats clawed up the apartment in a frantic search for food as they starved for up to a month before they died. The corpses then rotted in the filthy apartment about a month before an apartment manager found them.

Prosecutors upped the charges to two counts of felony cruelty to animals, saying her actions caused "excessive or repeated infliction of unnecessary pain or suffering." The new charges each carry a maximum penalty of up to five years in prison.

Dinsmore told police in February that she had been working long hours at her school and spent a lot of time at her boyfriend's house. Police said she also went on a family camping trip while the cats starved.

She said she couldn't remember the last time she had been home, but thought she had left food and water for her cats.

The two cats were found dead Feb. 23 by a manager at Boca Sol apartments. Police said Dinsmore hadn't paid rent, and a manger went to her home to talk to her and check out the apartment. The manager found the two dead cats, signs of a frenzied search for food and water, and feces and urine everywhere, according to police.

The smell was so bad, an officer had to cover his mouth with a rag when he first went inside, the report said.

A necropsy determined the cats suffered neglect for weeks or months before dying a slow, painful death from starvation and dehydration.

I've always supported public school systems, but the more I hear about government's increasing influence and the brainwashing of our children, poor examples of leadership and personal responsibility like this girl guiding the lives of youth, and an increasingly alarming tilt toward government dependence and intellectual mediocrity, the more I am terrified to send my child to a school with people like this idiot leading and shaping them. I know that sheltering your child from the woes of world isn't the answer, but very few places and very few people have more of an influence in your child's life than a teacher. If this exemplary young woman is representative of government schools and its leadership, then frankly, I don't trust any government school or teacher shaping the mind of my child. In this particular instance, someone that can treat a cat, one of the few pets that if released can actually provide and hunt for itself, is completely inhumane and cruel. There is no chance that this was an accident. The smile on this girl's face should get her 10 years in jail, minimum. Stories like this make me lose faith in humanity.

Chromatophores just make things cooler

Evolution has been very kind to cephalopods and chameleons. For years scientist thought the primary purposes of camouflage via chromatophores was to evade predation and/or aid in hunting. Turns out, especially among cephalopods, the color and texture change allows the creatures communicate with one another while keeping their anonymity and exposing themselves to predators as well as present themselves "more attractive" to possible mates. Using chromatophore technology, albeit somewhat far-fetched, seems really useful for the military and soldier's safety, or me sneaking into Heidi Klum's bathroom while she showers.

Mr President, does this mean we can fire you too?

A White House official told FOX Business that Wagoner was asked by the Administration to step down as a precondition for the company to continue to get help with its restructuring.

"This does not surprise me... Rick has seen good and bad times and it seems that a fresh face is needed,” said Mike Green, president of United Auto Workers Local 652 in Lansing, Mich. "There are a lot of smart, capable people inside GM and this will not muck up anything moving forward."

Wagoner, 56 years old, began his GM career as an analyst in the company's Treasurer's Office in New York in 1977. He had been CEO of the auto maker since 2000.

News of Wagoner’s departure comes as the Obama Administration prepares to brief some people on Capitol Hill about its plans for the auto industry on Sunday evening, in advance of a formal announcement on Monday.

The plans will come from a task force put together by President Obama to figure out what the long-term plans for the auto industry should be, after GM received $13.4 billion and Chrysler, which is owned by private-equity firm Cerberus Capital Management, received $4 billion in bridge loans amid one of the worst downturns the auto industry has ever experienced.

GM in particular has been hemorrhaging cash, losing $9.6 billion in the fourth quarter of 2008 alone.

"We think we can have a successful U.S. auto industry," President Obama said on CBS's "Face the Nation" on Sunday. "But it's got to be one that's realistically designed to weather this storm and to emerge… much more lean, mean and competitive than it currently is."

Mr President, stick to your Marlboro's. This is absolute Socialism. When the White House can trump the stockholders when it comes to better business decisions, there's a HUGE problem. Allowing companies to fail is important. When companies cease to produce affordable, reliable products fail, something or someone else will come in to fill the void. That's what has made this country's markets the most competitive and dynamic in all of the world. The changing time we're in now has left us in a world of government interference, bail-outs, etc. The shareholders should speak to their board, not the White House. This makes me sick. Having the President ask a CEO to stepdown is the most unamerican thing I can think of. Again, if you're not angry, you're either not paying attention, or too stupid to know the difference.

Just another broken campaign promise...

WASHINGTON -- President Obama says he won't consider speeding up the troop pullout from Iraq even though security has improved and violence has decreased.

"I think the plan that we put forward in Iraq is the right one" because it calls for "a very gradual withdrawal through the national elections in Iraq," he said in an interviewed aired Sunday on CBS' "Face the Nation."

While he didn't dispute the notion of military progress, Obama said there's plenty to do on the political side to resolve differences between the various sectarian groups. Iraq's security forces also need to be trained, he added.

"I'm confident that we're moving in the right direction. But Iraq is not yet completed. We still have a lot of work to do," the president said of the war that's winding down after six hard-fought years.

Separately, Defense Secretary Robert Gates told "FOX News Sunday" that he hasn't seen "anything at this point that would lead me to think that there will be a need to change the timeline."

The plan that Obama announced last month calls for withdrawing combat troops by the end of August 2010. After the drawdown, a large force of as many as 50,000 troops -- about one-third of what is there now -- will remain with a new, noncombat mission: train Iraqis, protect U.S. assets and personnel and conduct anti-terror operations.


Iraq is not complete? No sh!t Mr. President. That's exactly what the Bush administration had been telling the American people while Obama used troop withdrawal as a political pawn for election popularity. I wish someone would send a newsflash to President Obama...Sir, the election is over. You can stop your politicking because you won. Now the real job starts. Instead of turning this country into a country of government and beauracracy, try making this country one of capitalistic ideals, private industry and personal responsibility. I'm growing so tired of people not getting the real story. If you're not angry, you're not paying attention. Every capitalistic ideal that made this country great is being traded, without our approval, for those of Socialistic, big government can do it better.

I'm sooooo scared...[enter sarcasm]

I'm not sure the motivation for Rihanna getting gun tattoos, but allowing yourself to be bitten and having your head shoved into the passenger side window certainly doesn't reveal someone that is gangsta or strapped with a gat. This just seems like an attempt to convince yourself that you're not stupid enough to be a battered woman. I felt bad for her when this story initially broke, but now, she just seems like every other celebrity on earth. Shockingly immature, self entitled, pretentious, barely high school educated, and notoriously succeptible to making horrific life decisions...that's celebrity in a nut shell.

He's not famous enough to beat up hookers.

Shamwow/Slapchop infomaster has been a naughty boy it appears. These are two of the best mug shots of all time. His picture looks like he's been held captive without food or water for six months by the Taliban, while the look on her face reveals a quiet confidence and overall sense of accomplishment...almost like, "Yeah Bitch." According to the Smokingun.com, Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room. According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face (she is pictured here in mug shots snapped following busts in 2008 and 2005). After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. "Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons," police reported. In a brief telephone interview, Harris declined to answer TSG questions about her run-in with Shlomi, though she did say she is considering a lawsuit against the pitchman. Asked if she worked as a hooker, Harris declined comment. As seen in the below mug shot, Shlomi was also injured during the fracas and, court records show, was treated at Mount Sinai Medical Center. While Shlomi and Harris were both arrested for felony aggravated battery, prosecutors this month declined to file formal charges against the combatants. Police records list Shlomi's occupation as "Marketing," but make no mention of his affiliation with the ShamWow or the Slap Chop, both of which sell for $19.95 (plus shipping and handling).

Slapchopping a hooker for biting seems a little out of line. Isn't that kind if what you signed up for? I'm quite positive sales of the slapchop will increase, but as for that Sham-wow...well, that product is just doomed. If that super absorbent towel can't get the blood off of his face, how do they expect me to believe that it'll dry a spilled soda. Dammit, I knew they were liars.

Lindsay Lohan is doing awesome.

As you can plainly tell by this photo, Lindsay Lohan has it all together. She is the epitome of a timeless Hollywood starlet. In fact, when I think of Hollywood, I think Kathrine Hepburn then Lindsay Lohan. Everything about her is a wreck--her sad father blogging about his life, her SaMANtha boyfriend...all of it. Dude, just like your daughter, you're not a star and no one cares about you. It's such a funny place, fame. Gone are the days of talent giving rise to your star power. Acting, singing, dancing--who cares about silly things like that? When you make yourself horizontally mattress accessible and put it on film, have it "stolen," well then, you're on your way to the top. That's new fame. Lindsay Lohan hasn't done a successful movie in like 5 or more years. In fact, the last time she had a successful box office showing, she was still involved with Disney. Things aren't getting any better for her it appears. Her latest movie not only will forego its appearance in the theaters, but this piece of total garbage won't even be released on video. It's going straight to TV. Eric Roberts movies don't even do that. This is actually Lindsay's greatest accomplishment. This will almost certainly solidify her the honor of not just her first Razzie, but her second. (I Know Who Killed Me).

US Magazine reports:
The film's production company, Nu Image/Millennium Films, has confirmed that the comedy will premiere on ABC Family in July 2009. It will be released on DVD a month later. In the film -- which wrapped last August -- Lohan plays a woman who fakes being pregnant to save herself from being fired. She must then keep the lie going for nine months. It is the latest film dud for the star, whose last movie efforts include the critically-panned indie Chapter 27 and I Know Who Killed Me. She briefly appeared on ABC's Ugly Betty.

Despite being broke and out of work, Lindsay, known for making amazingly solid decisions, recently bought a brand new Maserati, which she's already wrecked, and a Presidential Rolex.

I'm not trying to be presumptuous, but I'm almost sure my sexually explicit role in Prince of Tides has more reputable Hollywood significance than anything Lindsay Lohan has done.

I knew I had seen this story before.

A fighter pilot who survived the crash of his training jet plunged to his death with a rescuer Wednesday after a cord broke as they were being pulled up to a helicopter, an Ecuador military official said.

The pilot, identified as Rafael Durango, and an unidentified co-pilot, had earlier ejected safely from their MK-89 Strikemaster before it crashed into a jungle near the Colombian border.

Ecuadorean military officials said two helicopters were sent to recover them.

But an air force official later said the rescue went awry as Durango and a rescuer were being lifted up to one of the hovering choppers.

"A cord that was attached to a helicopter broke and the pilot and one of the rescuers fell, dying in the rescue operation,'' the official said.

The second pilot was successfully rescued, the official said.

Colonel Hugo Lanas, an Ecuadorean air force spokesman, said earlier that the MK-89 Strikemaster was on a training mission in northeastern Sucumbios province when it crashed.

There is a heavy military presence in the area because of frequent incursions by Colombian guerrillas.

It was the Ecuadorean air force's second plane crash in less than a week.

On Thursday, a twin-engine Beechcraft 200 propeller plane crashed into an apartment building during a training exercise, killing seven people on board as well as two on the ground in northern Quito.

Law proposed in favor of hard working Americans...I kid you not.

Lawmakers in at least eight states want recipients of food stamps, unemployment benefits or welfare to submit to random drug testing.

The effort comes as more Americans turn to these safety nets to ride out the recession. Poverty and civil liberties advocates fear the strategy could backfire, discouraging some people from seeking financial aid and making already desperate situations worse.

Those in favor of the drug tests say they are motivated out of a concern for their constituents' health and ability to put themselves on more solid financial footing once the economy rebounds. But proponents concede they also want to send a message: you don't get something for nothing.

"Nobody's being forced into these assistance programs," said Craig Blair, a Republican in the West Viginia Legislature who has created a Web site — notwithmytaxdollars.com — that bears a bobble-headed likeness of himself advocating this position. "If so many jobs require random drug tests these days, why not these benefits?"

I made myself reread this like 10 times before I could believe it. Kansas, West Virginia, Minnesota, Oklahoma, Florida, Missouri, Tennessee, are officially awesome. Not that this will pass(see prior post), but man wouldn't it be awesome. The article goes on to say lottery winnings for welfare recipients would be capped at 600.00. Wow...what anovel idea. When you're receiving Government assistance, you can't spend your days at the convvenient store buying booze and lottery tickets. This is finally legislation that rewards integrity. I know it will be defeated by like a million to 4, picketed by the ACLU, among others, but if you have more than three brain cells left from your excessive drug abuse, you would know that this is a good idea.

Substitute Obama for every Prime Minister

John Adams once said, "Government is instituted for the common good; for the protection, safety, prosperity, and happiness of the people; and not for profit, honor, or private interest of any one man, family, or class of men; therefore, the people alone have an incontestable, unalienable, and indefeasible right to institute government; and to reform, alter, or totally change the same, when their protection, safety, prosperity, and happiness require it." The most profound excerpt of this quote is, the right of the people alone to institute and manage government. We have lost sight of the importance and value of that right. We have sat idle by and watched as our beloved republic has become a true democracy. As I have quoted many times before, a democracy will cease to exist when the populous realizes they can vote themselves the treasury. This will, without equivocation, lead to the collapse of America as a world power and leader in the free world of humanism. When achievement is not only unrewarded, but discouraged and punished, America will witness our demise and the brevity will be shocking. When citizens lose the will for achievement, they also surrender unknowingly their responsibility and accountability. Perhaps the most detrimental perversion to occur within our republic is the discouragement and inability to question our government and its leaders. The framers of the Constitution not only made available this right to free speech, but demanded it to ensure freedoms to every citizen and further our prosperity. The President has become a figure whom no one shall dare to hold to a higher standard. President Obama's arrogant and annoyed retort to the question of why it took two days to respond to the AIG bonuses not only permanently black-balled the reporter from further press conferences in the White House, but encompassed the fundamental disconnect between our citizens and its government. Until that perception changes, we are Coriolisly spiraling just like our toilet water.

Is it just me?

A bachelorette party became either the worst or best one ever when two women were arrested after a police horse got hit by a 5-foot long novelty penis.

Wichita police arrested three people on Sunday in an incident that began when a man threw an inflatable penis at an officer’s horse.

Officers were patrolling the Old Town area on horseback at about 1:20 a.m. when they came across a large group of women in their early- to mid-20s who had been celebrating at a bachelorette party, police said.

Also in the group was a 24-year-old man, a brother to one of the women at the party. He was carrying a 5-foot-long inflatable penis, police said.

“While he was joking around with this toy, he launched this large toy toward one of our officers, who was on horseback,” police spokesman Gordon Bassham said.

The toy struck the officer’s horse, causing the horse to get spooked, he said.


Wouldn't you love to be the relatively sober group watching this go down at 1:30 in the morning. The funniest part is of all the girls capable of carrying a five foot inflatable penis, it's the one dude that does it. I don't know this dude from Adam, but I would bet the cure for chlamydia that this dude isn't interested in carnal knowledge of the girls in the group. If you're a dude and you're carrying a five foot long penis down the street in Kansas of all places, then you're not only a player for the other team, you're a starter. All Conference.

Langley Virginia needs more coffee makers...somebody's alseep at their intelligence desk

HANCOCK, N.Y. — If you didn't know where to look, you'd probably never find Islamberg, a private Muslim community in the woods of the western Catskills, 150 miles northwest of New York City.

The town, sitting on a quiet dirt road past a gate marked with No Trespassing signs, is home to an estimated 100 residents. There are small houses and other buildings visible from the outside, but it is what can't be seen from beyond the gate that has some watchers worried.

Islamberg was founded in 1980 by Sheikh Syed Mubarik Ali Shah Gilani, a Pakistani cleric who purchased a 70-acre plot and invited followers, mostly Muslim converts living in New York City, to settle there.

The town has its own mosque, grocery store and schoolhouse. It also reportedly has a firing range where residents take regular target practice. Gilani established similar rural enclaves across the country — at least six, including the Red House community in southern Virginia — though some believe there are dozens of them, all operating under the umbrella of the "Muslims of the Americas" group founded by Gilani.

Federal authorities say Gilani was also one of the founders of Jamaat al-Fuqra, a terrorist organization believed responsible for dozens of bombings and murders across the U.S. and abroad. The group was linked to the planning of the 1993 World Trade Center bombing, and 10 years earlier a member was arrested and later convicted for bombing a hotel in Portland, Ore.

Shoe bomber Richard Reid has been linked to the group, along with convicted D.C. sniper John Allen Muhammad.

I'm not trying to be anti-Islamic because finding strength, guidance and inspiration through a peaceful faith is one of the greatest gifts to mankind; however, if we eradicate this one city in New York, I'm over 99.2% sure the war is over. This has to be the per capita Islamic-Extremist capital of the world. If those aforementioned people can indeed be linked to this city, then what in the hell does the CIA do everyday? According to Mission Impossible, they spend their time designing cable and harness accessible white, laser protected rooms containing one single supercomputer holding every top-secret document in our military arsenal. This almost seems like a skit from SNL. We're in the middle of a war against Islamic terrorism, yet there's a city that only allows Muslims and is linked to at least three major acts of terrorism against this country. I know all about our forefathers coming to America to elude religious persecution, but there's freedom and then there's common sense. We're definitely not using the latter. I'm sick and tired of being afraid to hurt people's feelings. Most honest, peaceful, patriotic Americans would welcome a little "racial profiling" if the alternative was being shot by a sniper rifle while pumping gas or having your head sawed off with a dull knife by a group of cowards wearing black hoods, or another Uhaul and or plane blowing up our work places while killing thousands. Political correctness might just cost you your life.

For Those of You That Don't Speak Fluent Ying Yang

I just hope, like Lil John, that this is an act. Sadly, I'm not so sure.

Chris Farley Kills Her Husband

CHARDON, Ohio — A transgender woman was sentenced Friday to four years in prison for killing her frail husband by forcing him to exercise.

Chris Mason, 41, was sentenced in Geauga County Common Pleas Court for reckless homicide in the death of 73-year-old James Mason. She pleaded guilty earlier and could have gotten five years in prison.

Mason's voice quivered as she tearfully apologized for the June death of her husband, who had heart problems. A surveillance camera caught Mason forcing her husband around in the pool.


WHAT?!?! A tranny exercised her husband to death? Good lord, how hard up was this guy that he married this trangendered wreck of a human being. And then to make matters worse, he's tortured by her...him...it. This story has me completely speechless. I'm still trying to figure out who did what to whom, and how anyone could welcome this type of affection. There's got to be some troubled times in your life when you're a 73 year old man, married to a 41 year old man, turned ugly woman that tortures you in a pool until you die. I've been trying, but I actually can't think of a single person on Earth that had a more miserable life than this guy. I would've died too.

**UPDATE**
Autopsy results were released and it appears James Mason died of shame and humiliation.

Boo-Yow, Coach K style!!!!!

Barack Obama picked North Carolina to defeat Louisville for the NCAA championship, a relatively safe selection for a trailblazing president.

Obama spent part of Tuesday making his tournament picks for ESPN, which posted his completed bracket online Wednesday and showed the First Fan filling it out with Andy Katz on the noon edition of "Sportscenter."

Of course, the president's choice drew a reaction from the Tar Heels' most intense rival.

"Somebody said that we're not in President Obama's Final Four, and as much as I respect what he's doing, really, the economy is something that he should focus on, probably more than the brackets," Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski said from the Blue Devils' first-round site in Greensboro, N.C.


I feel a little like President Obama is more worried about elevating popular opinion, than he is about restoring financial order to this nation. Appearing on Jay Leno and making a news story of your NCAA basketball bracket doesn't make you seem Presidential, it makes you seem like the marketing guy from the cubicle on the third floor. President Obama, stratigizing your performance based on opinion polls don't make you a good President, it just makes you a self indulgent narcissist.

Jacksonville Parents sweep Parental Awards...

BAY ST. LOUIS, Miss. — The parents of four sisters found locked in the back of a truck have been charged with child endangerment.

Mississippi Highway Patrol spokesman Cpl. Johnny Poulos said the girls, ages 7, 10, 11 and 15, were discovered in the back of a rental truck.

John and Kimberly Leinweber of Atlantic Beach, Fla., were charged with four counts each of child endangerment, according to Poulos. Authorities said the family was traveling to Louisiana.

The couple is being held without bond in the Hancock County jail pending an initial court appearance, Poulos said.

The sisters were released into the custody of a grandparent from Louisiana.

Hancock County deputies found the children Monday, according to Poulos.


What's the big deal here people. Some Jacksonville man locked them in the back of a Uhaul for 12 hours...it's hardly torture. I mean, when my nephews and nieces come to visit I make them hunt and kill their own food, which is usually rodents found scurrying around the house. Don't worry though, I'm a disciplinarian, they don't eat until they scrub the kitchen tiles with their toothbrushes. ("GO brush your teeth kids!") Ahem, Sorry. Anyway, lay off people spending time with their kids...at least they're trying.

Nancy Pelosi is a Smokeshow!

If I awoke on the operating table from general anesthesia after a blepharoplasty and someone held a mirror in front of me, I would shriek in horror if my eyelids looked like the skeletonous, hybrid sea-monster above. It looks like someone is vigorously sucking the life force and blood out of her, leaving what's left of her facial features seeping and spilling into the crevasses of her eye sockets and foramens. When she speaks, I can't help but notice how one eye is so heroically defiant, always opening at least 30% more than her other less determined one. If I dropped acid and became Nancy Pelosi, I would run from the cops while swerving to hit pedestrians with strollers in hopes they would pull me over and billy club me to death.

It wasn't Ward, but someone's been a little too hard on the Beaver.

I almost feel bad for Britney. When you're out by the pool and your vagina starts eating your clothes, there is a real big problem. I mean, if it eats your clothes, don't you think it will eat your children too. If I were on vacation and Britney Spears showed up at my pool, I would sprint to the local dive shop only to return with one of those mesh shark resistant suits and a replica sword from The Lord of the Rings. Only then would I dare enter the pool with that flesh eating monster. Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, Beowulf, and Odysseus faced less abhorrent creatures than this and they fought dragons and sh!t.

Nix, with girls like this, how do you contain yourself?

Florida strikes again, though this time, it's Ft Myers. Someone's grandmother drank 41 shots of tequila and decided to shake her FUPA around during a booty shaking contest. This video was like watching midgets have sex...you want to look but you know there's something terribly wrong.

Dumbest human alive is stupid like a fox.

This made me want to commit suicide by drowning in a septic tank. This is what the fine citizens of Jacksonville, Florida elect to represent them in Washington. I thought when I saw this that surely she has to be a member of the State House of Representatives, but no... not this gem. Something so prized as this, you have to send this to Washington. Thanks, Mason. You should think about moving. Anywhere, but there. If this is the best you can offer, you're a shoein for Congress pal.

Here are some of the quotes from this epic speech in order of how they appear.

"...in three season go gator." (Season(s))(Just one gator apparently)

alcademic (she butchered this word so badly I couldnt decipher)

sportmanship (really?)

the gator once again (The singular gator strikes again)

corch? (I think she's saying coach...anyone...anyone?)

championsips (this must be large drinks of beer when your team wins)

corch corch corch (This barrage of Corches is unprecidented)

in his first four season (is it one season or four seasons?)

"it is matters the most the pressure that he was under" (??????)

percy harvey (It's like Percy and Steve mixed)

52 yard run down (huh?)

there have been some discussion (some or one)

we know that it build character ("it" is singular, right?)

1,2,3,4,5 them the gators dont take no jive. (Kudos to you Jacksonvillians...nothing but the best in Washington sucking the teat of the American taxpayer on her private jet and first class commerical excursions and fine dining).

Wrestling : Death :: Britney : Seeking Amy

Andrew "Test" Martin, a former WWE wrestler, was found dead in his Tampa, Fla. apartment late Friday night, MyFOXTampaBay.com reported
Neighbors called police after seeing the 33-year-old motionless over a span of several hours.

The cause of death wasn't immediately known, but police said foul play isn't suspected. An autopsy will be performed.

Martin joined the WWE in 1998 and won many of the organization's major titles before suffering a severe back injury, MyFOXTampaBay.com reported.

He was known for his on and off-screen relationship with Stephanie McMahon, the daughter of WWE head Vince McMahon, FOXSports.com reported.

In July 2004 Martin had spinal fusion surgery. He was released from his WWE contract several months ago, MyFOXTampaBay.com reported.

Martin tried several unsuccessful comebacks after his injury, but failed a drug test and was suspended in February 2007, FOXSports.com reported.

In April 2008, Martin was arrested on a DUI charge in Tampa, FOXSports.com reported.

He is the fourth ex-professional wrestler to die in the Tampa area in the past two years.

Vince McMahon called me the other day and asked me to join the "wrastling ranks" but I thought, Vince, why don't I just be born an orphan in Darfur, grow up disarming landmines with my teeth, smuggle blood diamonds out of Angola, sail to America on a homemade raft while drinking my own urine to survive, live on the streets of Detroit during February, get hooked on IV drugs and methamphetamines, have my T-Cells drop to full blown AIDS while battling Anorexia and bulemia, and the only job that I can get would be the camera guy on the logging trail for Discovery Channel's Most Dangerous Jobs. Even if all of that came to fruition, my chances of death would be infinitely lower than if I became a professional wrestler.

Dante Stallworth could be in HUGE trouble...

Ironic picture, huh?

Miami, FL (Sports Network) - Cleveland Browns wide receiver Dante Stallworth has been questioned by police in Miami after a pedestrian was hit by a car and killed early Saturday morning.

According to the Miami Herald, Stallworth was cooperating with police and has not yet been charged. Police said the accident happened at 7:17 a.m. (et).

Stallworth joined the Browns for the 2008 season as a free agent and caught a career-low 17 passes for 170 yards with a touchdown in just 11 games. He was hampered by a quadriceps injury for much of the season.

The seven-year veteran from Tennessee has also played for New Orleans, Philadelphia and New England. He was selected by the Saints with the 13th overall selection of the 2002 NFL Draft.

Stallworth has 296 receptions for 4,383 yards with 32 touchdowns in his career. His best season came in 2005 with New Orleans when he caught 70 passes for 945 yards and seven touchdowns, the year before he signed with the Eagles as a free agent.

If he had been drinking this is certainly not going to end well for Mr Stallworth. Typically, the authorities don't like you clipping innocent pedestrians and killing them, regardless of the fact that your Bentley is SWEET! Yeah, ironically, I just read a study that shows that drinking Alize, Hennesey, or Cristal on an early Saturday morning and playing Frogger with pedestrians is the leading cause of losing your anal virginity in the prison shower. Ok...maybe that's not true.

At least a spaceship didn't drop her off...

PITTSFIELD — A woman who allegedly intended to artificially inseminate her wife with her brother's semen has been charged with domestic assault and battery.
Pittsfield police responded to a call shortly before 4:30 p.m. Tuesday in the city's Morningside neighborhood, where the assault allegedly occurred.

This story is flippin awesome.

Stephanie K. Lighten, 26, was released on personal recognizance after denying the allegations in Central Berkshire District Court Wednesday morning.

Jennifer A. Lighten, 33, told police that Stephanie Lighten, her wife, was "all liquored up" when she returned to their Lincoln Street apartment, where the defendant then allegedly tried to use a syringe to inseminate her, according to a police report.


Allegedly Stephanie threw Jennifer on the couch, grabbed at her clothes and threatened to impregnate her, police said.

Jennifer broke free, ran into the bathroom and locked the door. Stephanie "then broke the bathroom door down," police said, hurting her wrist in the process.
When Stephanie went to retrieve an ice pack from the freezer, Jennifer bolted from the apartment and attempted to get away in the couple's sport utility vehicle, police said.

As Jennifer pulled away from the scene, Stephanie "jumped on the side of their vehicle, swung the door open and made (Jennifer) stop," Steinman said.

According to Officer John Bassi, a witness at the scene claimed Stephanie "was hanging on the SUV door handle, trying to get into the car." Amber Hunt told Bassi that Stephanie nearly caused an accident when the vehicle narrowly missed hitting a tree in the front yard of Hunt's Spring Street home.

Dammit! I would've loved to be have been a witness to this circus sh!tshow. What is it with crazy lesbians? First Anne Heche aka Celestia, then Stephanie and Jennifer. I would almost bet the jurors of this trial won't even be surprised. I can't imagine testifying in front a juror of my so-called peers that tried to turkey baste my brother's semen into my wife in hopes to impregnate her. We should pass a law that people that commit crimes heinous should be removed of all possibilities of reproduction. That would be one gov't program that I could actually get behind. Instead, we'll give CITI 40 billion.

Afrikaans says what?

Lesbians living in South Africa are being raped by men who believe it will 'cure' them of their sexual orientation, a report has revealed.
Women are reporting a rising tide of brutal homophobic attacks and murders and the widespread use of 'corrective' rape as a form of punishment.
The report, commissioned by international NGO ActionAid, called for South Africa's criminal justice system to recognise the rapes as hate crimes as police are reportedly failing to take action over the spiralling violence.

The extent of the brutality became clear when Eudy Simelane, former star of South Africa's national female football squad, became one of the victims last April.
Simelane, one of the first women to live openly as a lesbian and an equality rights campaigner, was gang-raped and beaten before being stabbed to death 25 times in the face, chest and legs.

Triangle, a gay rights organisation, said it deals with up to 10 new cases of 'corrective rape' every week.
Support groups claim an increasingly macho political environment led to inaction over attacks.
A statement released by South Africa's national prosecuting authority said: 'While hate crimes – especially of a sexual nature – are rife, it is not something that the South African government has prioritised as a specific project.'

Holy crap! South Africans are hard core. No wonder Charlize Theron moved out of that place. Raping women to cure them of their lesbianism is like tying my right arm behind my back or cutting it off to prevent me from masturbating. Guys, it's simply not gonna work. It amazes me how out-of-touch with reality other countries are. Being civilized seems so natural, but some people, they just stab, rape, canabilize, murder, etc. I guess we could be criticized for our glorified violence through music, but "curing lesbians" through rape sounds like somemthing that would occur in some small inbred church deep in the rural mountains of Appalachia.

BTW, Charlize, we're so happy you decided to come here.

Hey...UN...FU

WASHINGTON (AP) - The White House objected Thursday to U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon's description of the United States as a "deadbeat" donor to the world body.
Ban used the phrase Wednesday during a private meeting with lawmakers at the Capitol, one day after he met with President Barack Obama in the Oval Office.

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said Ban's "word choice was unfortunate," given that the U.S. is the largest contributor to the United Nations.


The United States pays 22 percent of the organization's nearly $5 billion operating budget but is perennially late paying its dues.

Asked whether Ban should retract his comment, Gibbs said some recognition by Ban of the U.S. role would be appropriate.

"I think given the contribution that the American taxpayer makes, I do think it would be appropriate to acknowledge that role," Gibbs told reporters at his daily briefing.

Ban, apparently concerned about his choice of words, issued a statement late Wednesday saying the U.S. "generously supports the work of the U.N., both in assessed and voluntary contributions." Ban also said he enjoys "an excellent working relationship with the United States and appreciates the many ways that it supports the United Nations."

Why we're even trying to appease this corrupt anti-American organization is beyond me. All they successfully do is be unsuccessful and then like eveyone else in the world, blame America for their shortcomings and economic and political woes, despite our military and fiscal assistance. When are we going to wake up as a nation and stop letting people that hate us, control us?

Dunzo...I really didnt see this one coming

Everyone on Earth saw this coming. At the Republican convention, Levi looked about as interested in appeasing his future mother-in-law with a smile and hint of happiness as Paula Abdul does in sobriety. This guy is trash. You could look at him and tell. He only wanted Sarah Palin's daughter's V-card for bragging rights. In her defense, first and foremost, she doesnt have much to choose from in rural Alaska. Moreover, Bristol probably saw this guy as the school bad boy that would absolutely piss her parents off because that's what young girls do. Little did she know she was getting the baby batter with the absolute worst timing in history from someone that has no aspirations other than, "hell raising, beer drinking and kicking ass." When you're named Levi Johnston, there isn't much else to do besides become really good at packing dip cans, dipping, and ruining your baby momma's momma's political aspirations and life. If the Alaskan Palin's were the Massachusetts Kennedy's, Levi would have disappeared only to be found by a hunter in the belly of a grizzley bear with his fingerprints and teeth surgically removed and two bullet holes in the back of his head. The coroner's report would simply read: SUICIDE.

GE's technology surpasses its stock price

This is probably the single coolest computer program on the planet.

Watch Amazing GE Windmill on CollegeHumor

A prolapsed anus is less repulsive than Nancy Pelosi

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has repeatedly requested military aircraft to shuttle her and her colleagues and family around the country, according to a new report from a conservative watchdog group.

Representatives for Judicial Watch, which obtained e-mails and other documents from a Freedom of Information request, said the correspondence shows Pelosi has abused the system in place to accommodate congressional leaders and treated the Air Force as her "personal airline."

The e-mails showed repeated attempts by Pelosi aides to request aircraft, sometimes aggressively, and by Department of Defense officials to accommodate them.

The group reported that Pelosi was notorious for making special demands for high-end aircraft, lodging last-minute cancellations, and racking up additional expenses for the military.

In one e-mail, aide Kay King complained to the military that they had not made available any aircraft the House speaker wanted for Memorial Day recess.

"It is my understanding there are NO G5s available for the House during the Memorial Day recess. This is totally unacceptable ... The Speaker will want to know where the planes are," King wrote.

In another, when told a certain type of aircraft would not be available, King wrote: "This is not good news, and we will have some very disappointed folks, as well as a very upset Speaker."
Pelosi's office has not yet responded to requests for comment.

Wait a second, if this self entitled Beeotch actually said that her having no access to G5's is unacceptable, then she is worse than I thought. I just can't get over people like this preaching about the mismanagement and abuse of power and gov't monies under Bush's watch, while flabbergasting things like this are taking place right under our noses. I actually hope this is true. I consider myself more versed than most on gov't affairs, but I didn't know that the Gov't had Gulfstream 5's available for Congressional recesses. This is like taking a company's private jet for vacation to Tahiti. For this face-lifted, skin-stretched monster, or any member of Congress for that matter, to demand that military planes be at her/their beckon call, is why we have no confidence in Congress in general, and their approval ratings are as low as ever. When are we going to realize that the constitution needs 2 amendments? Abolshing unlimited terms for Senators and the abolishment of the Fedreal Income Tax are vital to the survival of this country and capitalism as we know it today...or yesterday. The fact that a murdering drunk can serve 40 years in the Senate because his brother was the Moses of the Democratic party is all you need to know. These people have stolen enough money from their constituents while force feeding their independent and partisan agendas down our throats. If you serve one term in the Senate and you're too stupid to steal enough to retire, then why should we re-elect you. We should set limits like these:

-1 Murder of innocent young girl while drunk
-1 Extra-marital affair (heterosexual)
-1 Extra-marital affair (homosexual)
-1 Extra-marital affair while wife undergoes chemotherapy
-1 Drug charge
-1 Illicit affair with underage Page (Heterosexual)
-1 Illicit affair with underage Page (Homosexual)
-1 Prostitution Charge (Heterosexual)
-1 Prostitution Charge (Homosexual)
-1 Free use of Gov't Gulfstream G5
-1 Free get out jail free card
-Limo service replaced by Ford Hybrids
-Private Planes replaced by domestic commercial airlines
-One term retirement plans eliminated including insurance unless elected official pays premium

How can they (Politicians) continue to pull the wool over our eyes? This is the best job in the world. No expenses, no stress, free hookers, loads of drugs, world travel, and no consequences. I shouldn't have to say I'm making light because someone we rest our hopes, our dreams, hard work and life savings upon, shouldn't have the aforementioned words associated. Charlie Wilson's War, albeit a little Hollywood, is an eye opener for the corruption and free rides one gets when elected to represent his/her state in Washington. I know this corruption and immoral activity transcends party lines and you can say what you will about Sarah Palin, and I've been critical of her, but I bet five thousand dollars this kind of stuff would absolutely cease with someone like her in Washington.

Now we're talking...

Chestica Simpson can wear things like this and make everyone forget either, how poorly dressed she was in those high waisted jeans, or how much weight she had gained. I bet she hasn't eaten or drunk since then, but if you have a body like this, you have a responsibility to maximize its potential. Wearing high waisted mom jeans is not fullfilling that responsibility. Untalented pop stars like Simpson need to learn to "get it" like Britney, Shakira, Beyonce, and Taylor Swift "get it." They know their target audience and appease them with their unsaid requests. Beyonce's audience, they want a big ass and legs. Taylor Swift's audience of young girls, they want cowboy boots and songs about being 15 years old. Shakira's audience, they want Latin beats and Espanol latent lyrics. Britney, they want sex and she delivers better than anyone. The major problem is that Simpson's audience wants all of these things. That's why she hasn't "found herself" as an artist. If she would give up on ballads, dump her disturbing, doofus, dad as her manager, and join the Britney train, she would sell out everywhere. The problem is, she can't act at all, and she can't fit in the music industry regardless of country, pop, or adult contemporary because she has no guidance or identity. That's what happens when you become famous for being famous. Reality TV doesn't always equal success. Nonetheless, Chestica, do us all a favor. Until you figure out your career path, you'll maintain your notoriety by dressing like a slut in a country and western bar.

Beyonce is a waistline magician...

What in the hell is this? Seriously, the last time someone was so tightly laced into a corset, Mamie was doing the lacing and Scarlett O'Hara was stepping into the corset. And by the way, Fatyonce is no Vivian Leigh. And Jay-Z is no Rhett Butler. That dress actually looks like something from Marie Antionette's closet. It almost makes me wonder how fat she would be after removing her four pair of "Spanx" and her corsets. If sex with Beyonce Knowles were the key to sustaining life on planet Earth, I would rather contract Ebola from raping a monkey.

Please God, hopefully her pet cat just fell out of her Chanel Bag.

I don't know what else this could mean(32 second mark), except for what she said..and holy effing crap is that disturbing. Imagine this girl joining the Junior League or the Garden Club. I mean, she's a pop star with almost no career repercussions or legal ramifications for her actions and she's still a raging sh!t show. She's, at all times, one long check out line at Wal-mart away from soaring her weight back to 150, covering her face with comedones, and forgetting her kids exist or need food and water. If this really happened, someone that sat on the front row in Tampa is wondering how Britney Spears opened her show by actually allowing real life people dressed as circus directors to run out of her vagina unscathed. That really happened. It's been documented.

Kind of like Ted Bundy's fake cast, but not really.

My brother-in-law always tells his kids, "Do what you love and find a way to make money at it." Well Kudos to you, Mr. Chilean Cocaine guy.

Spanish police say they have arrested a 66-year-old Chilean man at a Barcelona airport after discovering his broken leg was supported by a "cast" made out of cocaine.

The man, who had hobbled off a flight from Santiago, was carrying more of the drug in fake beer cans and two hollowed-out stools.

"The man had a fractured leg and the 'plaster cast' that was immobilizing it was entirely made from cocaine," a statement said.

He "displayed an open fracture of the tibia and the fibula, and has been transferred to a clinic for an operation.

"Investigators are examining the possibility that these injuries were brought about voluntarily ... to facilitate trafficking through security checks," the statement said.

Spanish police are particularly wary about so-called "hot flights" from South America and had their suspicions about this man, which proved to be well-founded.

In total, the Chilean had 10.7 pounds of cocaine stuffed in the cans, the stools and forming his would-be "cast," police said.

A ten pound cast of pure cocaine? This is like something out of a movie. Climbing a fence and swimming a river to freedom is one thing, but making a psuedo plaster cast of Columbian cocaine that weighs almost 11 pounds is another. This is just resourcefulness at its very best. I've always liked the way South Americans think. When God hands you lemons, you make cocaine...or something like that.

Models have interrupted my Chi and ruined any chances for Feng Shui

I know Marisa Miller is attractive, but she is no Christie Brinkley. And by that, I mean, Christie Brinkley is like 50-something and smoking with blonde hair and decent skin. Marisa Miller has so much sun damage her face will look like a fried green tomato in 10 years. Her ginormous breasts will look like those weinie dog ballons that those ballon artists with painted faces blow up on the sidewalk and try to sell to little kids. Let's face it, she's a weathered 30 year old girl with a smoking body. Her face is pretty, but she's in no way Heidi, Adriana, or Karolina...she's just not. Maybe it's because she's American and not German, Russian or Brazilian. It seems logical to me. Despite all of this, I find these pictures, for now in her temporary hotness, very very intriguing. I would normally say something like, "I would wrap nematocysts from sea-wasps around my penis while running on top of broken bottles of staph infections and gonorrhea for a chance to be on the same beach as this chick." Instead, I'll say, "I like these pics, but knowing that she's a ticking time bomb of melanoma, excess skin and "liver" spots, I think I'm gonna pass on this Californian."

Kanye West is like a ghetto Liberace.

I wish this guy could realize his own irrelevence. Honest to God, Kanye West is to Rap as Jessica Simpson is to pop. The sad part is his arrogance leads him to believe he's some savant of the hip hop industry. His only fan was his mother and respectfully, she's no longer with us. After his performance on Saturday Night Live, I'm going to go out on a limb and say something that I never thought I would be capable of saying. Kanye West is less talented than Fatyonce Knowles. Sadly as this may be, and if you're like me, it's really really really sad, he's less talented by a mile. He is so exposed by his saturday Night Live performance that he's made NBC claim copyright and oull all the videos. If you look really thoroughly, you can find a video of his performance, but for the most part, Kanye's Camp has made NBC claim copyright and pull the videos. He is an awful talent. Just awful. He would get booed off the Karaoke stage anywhere in the United States, yet in this country, he's a baller and considered by a group of other idiots, a mastermind of the music industry. I can honestly say without equivocation, that I hate this no talent arrogant bastard.

Anna Lynn who?

This is kind of a rip-off story from a few days ago, but I can't resist the urge to comment on this photo. I conceed that being famous means being vulnerable and exposed even when you're at your most haggard, but forcing your horse teeth to felate a banana while walking down the street is not the best way to limit comprimising paparrazi photos. This girl is like the million dollar question. She is Sudanese skinny, which is not like Kate Moss' Heroin Chic. She is the Hollywood starlet that calls the paparazzi to let them know where she's going. This girl should be getting a second paycheck for being her own publicist. I know I typically use hyperbole as a weapon and instrument to facilitate my endearing and cynical sense of humor, but this girl could walk into a bar at Georgia Southern University and she wouldn't be in the top 10 in that bar. Truth. Screw her and Hollywood.

Fallon = 2 Thumbs Down Timberlake = Two Thumbs Up

I always thought of Fallon like the bass drum player in the high school band. Despite his high school band propensity, he's still been like 26% funny on SNL. Well, not anymore. In this clip, he not only looks like he was cut from the band, but he looks like he's an amateur being chosen to interview celebrities. My God this was painful. No joke, I give him 6 weeks before he's cancelled. Which is 4 weeks longer than I give Conan O'stupid. The only redeeming part of this video is Timberlake. He is perhaps the most talented person of our generation. Seriously, watch the whole clip. My man-crush is so strong, I would jump off a six story balcony into a kiddie pool of cobras, just to hang out with this dude for one night in Vegas.

highest dude ever.

I was gna post the 911 call about chicken nuggest, but instead, I have to post this 911 call from a cop claiming to be overdosing on pot brownies. This call is amazing.





I would love to have been there adding fuel to the fire by making them even more paranoid. Can you imagine the things that you could've made these people believe? When you're a cop, you think you're dead, and you call the cops on yourself, you're absolutely effing wasted.

Is it true?

The only reason the US Government keeps bailing out AIG is because they hold the pensions and retirement accounts for the Congress of the US. Could be true. AIG gets an immediate bailout, while Lehman Bros gets absolutely no help whatsoever. If this is true...I think I would rather die of an impaction. The more I think about our Government, the more my stomach ulcer opens and bleeds until I vomit. I guess it could be prescription pain medicine addiction, but then again, I coated my stomach with wine and liquor so it can't be that.

Liberals are like ex wives, you hope they get fat and die.

In the same month that Logan International Airport hiked its parking rates by $1, Governor Deval Patrick is asking for another $2 parking "carbon fee" as part of his transportation overhaul filed this week.

Taxachusetts will forever lead the nation in idiotic and perfunctory policies. Basically, if it makes no sense, costs people that work more money, and gives the government more money, it's a sure thing in the Taxachuessets legislature. I'm actually surprised that crashing your car into a river with your girlfriend in the passenger seat while hammered, then holding your foot into her back until she no longer kicks or gasps for air, isn't legal and seen as a way of limiting carbon footprints. Ted Kennedy...you're an amazing man. Wait, what does our President call you...the workhorse of the Senate? Well by workhorse, I hope he means Kennedian assasin for the special forces.

Ted Kennedy...murdering women and being free like OJ for nearly 40 years.

Sure Mr Madoff...you can have anything you want.

Misery Loves Company: Madoff Victims Gather In NYC (2/21/2009)
NYC Toy Fair Vendor Offers Madoff Doll... To Smash (2/16/2009)
UK Veteran Killed Himself After Madoff Loss (2/13/2009)
Official: Wife Of Madoff Pulled $15M Before Arrest (2/11/2009)
SEC And Madoff Reach Agreement On Fraud Case (2/10/2009)
Bernie Madoff is accused of fleecing his clients out of billions, but he said Monday he shouldn't be forced into the poorhouse.

His lawyers are arguing that Madoff should be entitled to keep the $7 million apartment he's currently being held in while under house arrest and $62 million, including $45 million in municipal bonds.

Court papers filed on Monday state that Madoff and his lawyer say the Manhattan penthouse and the millions held in accounts of Madoff's wife, Ruth, are not subject to seizure.

So, "The Most Appropriate and Ironic Names in History Awards" were given out today and Bernie Madoff(made off), won not only for his name, but also for being the most pompous, arrogant, ignonimous asshole on the planet. He rips off everyone imaginable, from JOE BLOWS to celebrities, and leaves them devastated in his wake of corruption and greed. All of this money, literally stolen, was sunk into his 6 million dollar condo, his personal investments (bonds ironically), and meanwhile, his wife witdraws millions in cash just days before he's arrested. He's already allowed to be under house arrest, despite being a more significant flight risk than almost anyone in the world...it just drips drops of Bull Sh!t into the counter intuitive corner. Honestly, tonight, after all of these stories, I can't begin to express my disgust with Government, justice and just simply, people in general. A very wise man always told me, "If you want justice, go to the whorehouse...if you wanna get screwed, go to the courthouse." Overly simplistic maybe, but applicable nonetheless.

Talk about American excess and greed...

Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich is vowing to expose “the dark side of politics that he witnessed in both the state and national level” in a book due out in October, his publicist announced today.

The publicist, Glenn Selig, said Blagojevich signed the “six-figure book deal” with Phoenix Books, “run by maverick publisher Michael Viner.” The working title is The Governor.

The fact that this iniquitous head of a state can ca$h in on making fools of his constituents is the cause for the doubt and low approval rating of Congress. In fact, these people do nothing for America, except for weighing down the economy and creating unwarranted legislation to push their own agendas and ideologies. The most corrupt group of people in this country are responsible for architecting the guidelines and regulations by which we live? I am so sick of our Government and its so-called leaders. We are completely stupid and deserve this opprobrious behavior. Afterall, we elected these embiciles. Seriously, if you're not pissed off by the recent bailouts, increasing gov't intervention, failing...scratch that, FAILED economy, and case after case of corruption and immorailty, then you're a clueless retard.

Could anything be less alarming...?

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - One in every 31 U.S. adults is in the corrections system, which includes jail, prison, probation and supervision, more than double the rate of a quarter century ago, according to a report released on Monday by the Pew Center on the States.

The United States has the highest incarceration rate and the biggest prison population of any country in the world, according to figures from the U.S. Department of Justice.

Those numbers are higher in certain areas of the country, and Georgia tops all states with one in 13 adults in the justice system. The other leading states are Idaho, where one in 18 are in corrections and Texas, where the rate is one in 22. In the nation's capital, Washington, D.C., nearly 5 percent of adults are in the city's penal system

I could say I am shocked by this, but it would be like saying I'm shocked that people on welfare don't look for jobs. I'm just sick of everything. I'm beginning to think like France tonight. It seems that everything for which America stands for, I don't agree. When did this happen to the greatest nation in the history of the world? Anyway, aside from that, however, is my introspection, and therefore, assessment of our socialistic machinations that are leading to the destruction of capitalism as we know it and the removal of a responsible and law abiding populous. My hypothesis for eliminating these parasitic mistletoes from overtaking our branches of liberty and freedom would be to inhibit any person(s) that doesn't pay taxes from not only voting, but from other socialistic handouts as well. If you don't have a job and/or have documented evidence that you're looking for one, then you're incapable of receiving assistance from medicaid, welfare, etc. If you're not contributing to the economy of this country, then your priviledges aren't being earned, they're being stolen. Being an honest, hard working citizen that's looking for work or making minimal wages isn't frowned upon or castigated, but instead, become the basis of where this country laid its foundation for capitalism, independence, freedom and self sufficiency. Something has to change with the free thinking people of this country. We have to reassess our responsibility with not only our votes, but our monies and our aspirations. At this rate, our counry is succumbing to choking government dependencies faster than consumer confidence and corruption can asphyxiate our breaths of freedom.

But the fire is so delightful...

When you live in Jacksonville Florida for seven epically painful years, you realize how dynamic one simple winter weather advisory can be, despite the fact that it's 1-2accumulated inches and everyone stocks up on milk, bread, and soups. I know my pal Buffkin buries snow mobilers in 43' avalanches, but I find mself captivated by the suburban school closings. Laugh it up Buffkins.