If you're like me, you could give two sh_ts about partidges, pear trees, french hens, calling birds, or geese a laying. I actually am interested in the 8 maids a-milking and the 9 ladies dancing...that sounds amazing...but neither here nor there. This is about my love and adoration for the brewmasters at Sierra Nevada for brewing a beer that sends me into pleasure center induced euphoria. This could be the best beer I've ever had...and I've had a lot. Trust me. Get this. You owe it to yourself and your liver for all the years of Busch and Natty light you tortured it with throughout college. Cheers.
A Las Vegas judge has dismissed drug and battery charges against Marion Knight, known as Suge, the hip-hop mogul and founder of Death Row Records, The Associated Press reported.
Mr. Knight was arrested in August when police officers said they saw him beat Melissa Isaac while holding a knife in a parking lot near the Strip. A complaint filed by the district attorney’s office of Clark County, Nev., also said that Mr. Knight had the drugs Ecstasy and hydrocodone in his possession at the time. Michael Sommermeyer, a spokesman for the court, said Abbi Silver, a justice of the peace, dismissed the charges on Friday without prejudice. Mr. Knight’s lawyer, David Chesnoff, said prosecutors had “discovery problems and witness problems.”
Translation: The witnesses were floating bloated somewhere in the Hudson river). I'm pretty sure Suge Knight could be on video firing a rocket propelled grenade at the White House while pulling donkeys with 600lbs of pure Afghan heroine, and chugging Hennessy with needles sticking out of his arms and somehow, some way, the witnesses of the tape would "dimiss without prejudice" based mostly on the fact that the witnesses rational thinking would be hindered by their heads not being attached to their necks.
The case may not be closed, however: the district attorney’s office filed a notice indicating it may seek a grand jury indictment and revive the charges.
Translation: The D.A. would like to make a name for himself by pursuing this case, but due to the anonymous letter he received in the mail with small assorted sized letters cut out of a magazine that spelled, "Keep it up white boy and you'll meet my MAC-10" he has decided justice has spoken.
The Hollywood Reporter released its yearly list of the highest paid actresses and to shock no one, the number one actress was Angelina Jolie. You may think she's weird or gross or whatever, but you can't deny her popularity and generosity. What burns my ass though is the rest of the actresses on the list.
2. Julia Roberts (Certified Movie Star) Katherine Hepburn of our generation. No doubt deserved.
3. Reese Witherspoon (one good movie) aside from that Legally Blonde, Fear, Cruel Intentions, Election, Rendition, (no one else saw that either, don't worry) not saying she doesnt deserve it, but she's got a long way to go in my book. Famous because youre famous doesn't demand 20 million a movie.
4. Cameron Diaz (HOLY SHIT) Her last good movie was...well...there was...well there had to be...she doesn't have one. She's not pretty and she's a terrible thespian. The fact that she makes this list makes me want to go into the bathroom and funnel drano. I am an avid moviegoer and I seriously cannot think of the last movie she has done that didn't include voiceover animation. If you chime in with, What Happens in Vegas, don't eever read my blog again.
5. Kathrine Heigl (God sent me a fax today that said, "Trey, I hate you, God-") The fact that this hideous sea donkey, white trash, smoking, no-talent is on television portraying anything not on National Geographic is a travesty. I can't even say her name without having reflux. If it were up to me and I were a writer on Gay's Anatomy, I would write her getting the Ebola Virus from her schizophrenia induced invisible boyfriend and let her die within the first 3 minutes where no character would mourn her loss, instead rejoice with a party in the cafeteria. I think it's crystal clear how Hollywood has gotten so shitty. How can studios be so confused as to why Hollywood ticket sales are down? Shitty movies, shitty scripts, and shitty actresses, perhaps...just a thought.
This is the 109th year of bad ass patriots getting together in a display of honor, showmanship and athletic competition. This is the first game in 5 years I've missed. For those of you who consider yourselves college football fans, trust me, you haven't been to a game until you you've been to this one.
Check out the Army's camouflage helmets.
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! GOD SPEED TO THOSE IN UNIFORM
Being a bad parent causes your daughter to be stripper or a hooker...remember that. I proved it last night:
= HOOKER/STRIPPER
Somehow I bet her father is proud though, since the 1 Czech koruna = 0.049893 U.S. dollar, starting your own pole dancing school is one way to get ahead in the Czech republic. (scratching head) Is there another? Gosh, I really can't think of any successful Czech girls...
One can sit and reminisce about the joys of film in the 80's, but I can almost gaurantee that it won't take you to at least three out of four of these movies. See, what makes these particular masterpieces of American filmaking so special is their attention to the gratutious scene in which no character is revealed to the audience or developed further. It just leaves you scratching your head wondering how and why you just watched what you watched. This anomaly isn't limited to 80's movies, but no time during filmmaking history have they been so uneffectively effective. I can only describe this as the WTF scene...where the audience is following the plot along, waiting on baited breath, anticipating the denouement and this (WTF) happens.
Rodney Rogers, former Demon Deacon, former ACC Rookie of the Year, former ACC Player of the Year, former NBA 6th Man of the Year, was thrown off his ATV in North Carolina and sustained an injury that will leave him paralyzed from the neck down for life. The average cynical NBA hater (that's me) will probably read that headline and think that he's probably not much different than Marbury, Kobe, Artest, as 40% of NBA players have criminal records; however, you couldn't be more wrong about this guy. This is one of the most amazing athletes...scratch that...MEN I've ever read about, yet the press won't report anything on this guy. This is a guy, along with his family, that needs your thoughts and prayers.
ESPN writes,
"A Durham native who starred in high school football and basketball, Rogers had returned to his hometown and was working for the city public works department as a heavy machinery operator. He was promoted to a supervisory position six months ago, according to the report.
He was also volunteering as a girls' basketball coach at a Durham middle school and had set up a computer lab at a city public housing complex, according to the report.
Rogers, who was financially set, took the job with the Durham DPW because he liked working with heavy trucks, Williams said, according to the report.
"Rodney isn't the type to sit around twiddling his thumbs. There aren't any jobs he considers too small for him," Williams said, according to the News and Observer. "He started his own trucking company and was usually the lead driver. He'd be out there driving to the quarry at 3:30 in the morning."
Michael Balzarano, who oversaw Rogers at the Durham DPW, said Rogers was not working for the city as a lark until he got bored.
"I didn't even know he had lots of money. He is very friendly, very concerned, very conscientious," Balzarano said, according to the report. "We chose him because of his ethics and his attitude. He was highly motivated. He was promoted to supervisor six months ago."
I've already jumed out of the proverbial plane without a parachute on the Georgia Bulldogs. I stopped pulling for them in Jax and I'll never go back there even if I still live there. I understand that 9-3-10-3 is a great season, but not when you consistently have access to premiere facilities, robust history, and warm weather to pull in world class athletes. Yet year after year, I either leave JAX disappointed, or I'm disappointed by another game. This would be easier to swallow with passion from a coach. Instead of his blank look of apathy on the sidelines in JAX down by 40, show the stadium you don't like to lose. I've had it with the contrictory apathetic approach to leadership. I'd rather have less talent and be surprised by what the coach can get out of them than be subjected to phenom recruiting every year and losing three games. So, where does that leave me? I'll tell you after the recent news of Lane Kiffin in Knoxville and the superb assistants he's bringing in, I think Im going Rocky Top. Well, to be completely honest, it's more because there's a slim chance I might get to sit beside his smoking wife if I go to the games.
Last night I forgot all about our country's economic crisis. For one hour, I thought of nothing except for how tired my legs were from stretching to look inside Adriana Lima's bedroom window. Wait...what?
Parts 1 and 3 of last night's epic and heroic performance. How do those girls walk so striaght?!?!?!? No one on Earth can walk like they do!!! Truly gifted professionals.
You don't have to agree with my nefarious commentary about the uselessness of the Marching Band at college football games, but this video speaks louder than I ever could.
**UPDATE** So with all my hostility toward the Band, I can't leave out the easiest group to defame, cheerleaders. Join with me in celebrating the idiotic sport of having sex in the car with football players...(cough)...I mean cheering. If you want to ensure that your daughter uses a ramp to enter buildings for the rest of her life, point her in this direction. Placing third at region was worth it.
We got c-spine yes we do, we got wheelchair, how bout you?!? Dumbass.
Ok...so the title was duplicitous. The truth is, Cheryl (Tweedy) Cole is so hot that everytime I see a picture of her I lose bladder control, light my underwear on fire, and spend the rest off the day trying to kick myself in the head like the midgets capriciously do on Jackass. Pictures of this chick have reached a point where it's truly unhealthy for me. Like Lot's wife, I may not be around much longer. I've been warned.
P.S. If you know what's good for you, I wouldn't say anything about that tattoo, if you want to live. I helped her pick it out.
If you listen to Jim Rome or paid attention to the baseball in the 80's and 90's, you know Ricky Henderson is one of the most detestable human beings in sports. I'm not even sure he's ever had a thought or concern about another human being. He led major league baseball for nearly 25 seasons in the category of "referring to yourself in the 3rd person." Here is the top ten Rickyisms. 10-2 were borrowed from theworldoofisaac.com.
10. During one off-season, Rickey Henderson called Padres general manager Kevin Towers and left the message "Kevin, this is Rickey. Calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to play baseball.
9. A Padres teammate once offered him a front seat on the team bus, saying that Henderson had tenure. Henderson replied, "Ten years? What are you talking about? Rickey got 16, 17 years."
8. When asked about Ken Caminiti's estimate that 50% of Major League baseball players were using steroids, Rickey replied..."“Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there.”
7. Supposedly, Rickey was pulled over by a San Diego police officer for speeding. As the officer was approaching Rickey’s car, the window rolled down a few inches and a folded $100 bill emerged. The officer let Rickey and his money head home without a ticket.
6. In 2002, Henderson had an argument with El Duque and stated, "He needs to grow up a little bit. I ain't a kid. When I broke into the game, he was crawling on his hands and knees. Unless he's as old as I am. He probably is."
5. Rickey was asked if he had the Garth Brooks album with Friends in Low Places and Henderson said, “Rickey doesn’t have albums. Rickey has CDs.”
4. When he was on the Yankees in the mid-1980s, Henderson told teammates that his condo had such a great view that he could see, “The Entire State Building.”
3. While resting up sore muscles after a game, Rickey fell asleep on an icepack. Consequently he got frostbite and missed three games in Mid-August.
2. The story went that a few weeks into Henderson’s stint with the Mariners, he walked up to Olerud at the batting cage and asked him why he wore a batting helmet in the field. Olerud explained that he had an aneurysm at nine years old and he wore the helmet for protection. Legend goes that Henderson said, “Yeah, I used to play with a guy that had the same thing.” Legend also goes that Olerud said, “That was me, Rickey.”
In a report from Knoxnews.com, UT Basketball coach, Bruce Pearl, is moving into the salon business...sort of. It appears his ex-wife has taken as much as she could get her mits on...i mean part of his nearly 2 million dollars he is scheduled to earn this year for screaming at young men and leading them into mediocrity and opened a salon she assholishly called, Alimony.
"Kim Shrigley started a new chapter in her life Tuesday with the opening of Alimony’s Hair & Nail Salon.
She funded the new business with money from her divorce from Bruce Pearl, the University of Tennessee men’s basketball coach.
The name is aggressive, Shrigley said. But, “It’s mine.”
The business’s name, Alimony’s, is written on the store front with green cursive and a red heart on top of the “i.”
“The heart up there is to be that extra pain in the ass,” she said with a laugh.
She acknowledged that people will likely associate her with her marriage to and divorce from Pearl. Her former husband, who will earn $1.6 million this season as coach of the men’s basketball team, filed for divorce in September 2007.
But “If I can turn that negative into a positive, I can use that for a little while,” she said.
A 15 percent discount is offered to clients who receive alimony. No divorce papers are needed for proof, she said."
"The Muslim Council of India is telling the nation's cemeteries that the bodies of gunmen killed by commandos in the Mumbai terror siege should not be buried on Indian soil, The Times of India reported Monday.
The Islamic organization told The Times that they were acting on complaints from several Muslim groups demanding that the bodies not be laid to rest in any Indian cemetery.
According to Leor Halevi, professor of history at Vanderbilt University and author of "Muhammad’s Grave: Death Rites and the Making of Islamic Society," the council is sending a message to the terrorists by calling for Muslim cemeteries to refuse to bury the bodies.
"It's a very strong statement against terrorism," Halevi said. "What they are saying essentially is that by virtue of the terrorists acts, the terrorists who died do not count as Muslim anymore."
This has been a long time coming. Islamic terrorism is unthinkable and cowardly. The only way to punish these misguided nincompoops would be to desecrate the bodies of the dead to disrupt the after life. Nothing will stop this aggressive, radical expansion and defense of the Islamic state, otherwise. Time after time, Islamic groups neither openly denounce, nor support these horrific acts. The indifference underminds anti-terrorism and invigorates radicals. Finally, a cerebral group of Muslims speak with world humanity at heart.
I dare you to watch this and not laugh. Impossible. Seriously, how is this woman on TV. I would rather get the news from Kanye West and Papa Smurf than this bumbling baffoon.
I refuse to add commentary here. If you order this product, send me one email with your order number, and consider that as assurance of my hatred for you.
The 6'5" 232 pound gifted receiver for the New York Giants, Plaxico Burress, got liquored up over the Tanksgiving weekend and shot himself in the already injured thigh with a handgun. Nothing about this story is shocking. He had a loaded, concealed handgun in a public place without a license. He was chugging liquor all night which allegedly scared the holy BeJesus out of the night club's security. Things took a even more idiotic turn when he got a teammate to hide the gun in New Jersey. Meanwhile, Plaxico spent the night bleeding with a hole in his thigh from the bullet exiting his flesh and refused to be taken to the hospital. I guess his wife waited for him to lose consciousness because he ended up getting treated 2 hours later around 2 a.m. People like this get second chances while guys like Frosty the Snowman only get one season of brilliance and you neever hear from them again. Bastards.
Nic Cage's mistake...I mean pet...I mean son, Weston Coppola Cage, apparently drugged, gagged and bound some girl and took her against her will to Austria with his father and wife. I've seen emo kids with daddy issues, but if this kid lived within 300 miles of me, I would sleep with two eyes open...ninja style.
Nothing points out the magic of Disney computer animation, airbrushing, and Hollywood makeovers more than these photos. If you were a toothless, smelly, inbred from Kentwood Louisiana, you wouldn't even take a second look at this chick in the local Wal-Mart while you were refilling your Valtrex and Aldara prescription. I know every girl in Hollywood doesn't wake up beautiful, but boy does this make think twice when you see a pretty girl. Say what you want about this redneck skank...she just might be back.
