Like Pablo Neruda's poem, I could also write the saddest lines tonight. The lines are as follows:
Snooki, following up on her New York Times Bestseller (WTF X 5), A Shore Thing, she is currently promoting her second book (WTF X 10), Confessions of a Guidette (RUFKM). As I typed those lines I actually impaled myself with a rusty pitchfork and beer bonged some Drano, but unlike me, if you're not fading in and out of consciousness, you can read a few of the pearls from her new book.
Via Amazon:
“My biggest nightmare is waking up pale. Or without eyelashes.”
“A guidette has to know how to have fun anywhere. Like, if you’re stuck in a cardboard box, you have to rock it.”
“LOVE my slippers. It’s like wearing beds on your feet.”
“If you can smell hair gel from a mile away, it signals guido mating season.”
“I like to wear so many accessories that people are confused.”
I'm dead now, but if you're not, I highly recommend reading Revelations and following suit. After all, the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse are being saddled up at this very moment.
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