Full time asshole, part time murderer having trouble with the ladies...

I was reading Foxnews.com and this was the top headline:

"Former Chicago-area police officer Drew Peterson, a suspect in the disappearance of his fourth wife and the death of his third, is finding his love life in shambles."

Why on earth would detective Peterson's love life be in shambles? Isn't every girl looking for a scumbag cop with Brian Bosworth gas station sunglasses and a history of abusing/murdering his wives? Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is every little girl's Cinderella story, is it not?

**Attention All Girls**

If your boyfriend/fiance/Husband/Lover/Pet etc...has the last name Peterson, run!!! Run for your life!!!

8th grader makes all-state football team in Florida...guess who's son?

Not just makes all-state, but 1st team all state in the state of Florida. Fred Taylor, soon to be ex-Jags running back, has a son and he's a genetic freak and an awesome running back...shocker. Can you imagine being in 8th grade and being 5'11" 205?

1ST TEAM
Offense
QB Nick Bracewell, Mayo Lafayette, 6-2/190, Jr.
RB Tamorris Grace, Fort Meade, 5-9/175, Sr.
RB David Pittman, Hawthorne, 5-9/190, Sr.
RB Kelvin Taylor, Glades Day, 5-11/205, 8th
OL Joey Mroczkowski, Mayo Lafayette, 6-3/285, Sr.
OL Jonathan Inoa, Miami Dade Chr., 6-2/285, Sr.
OL Spencer White, Branford, 6-1/250, Sr.
OL Nahum St. Fort, Naples St. John Neumann, 6-3/310, Sr.
OL Josh Cuthbert, Glades Day, 5-10/260, Sr.
WR Xavier Fagan, Moore Haven, 6-0/170, Sr.
WR Jamal Reid, Mayo Lafayette, 6-1/190, Sr.
PK Luke Cherry, Jacksonville Providence, 6-3/195, Sr.
UT Clint Trickett, Tallahassee North Florida Christian, 6-2/170, Jr.



Jeaga didn't have a middle-school football program, so at this time last year, Taylor was playing in a recreational league – the Western Communities Football League in Palm Beach County.

Glades Day appealed to Taylor because of its academic reputation and because it offered a chance for Taylor to play varsity football as a middle-schooler for a program that two years ago won the Class 1A title. The Florida High School Athletic Association allows junior high students to participate in varsity sports when they attend school in the same building as the high-schoolers, which is the setup at Glades Day.

Why is every President infinitely cooler after their term?

Two funny things about this video.

1). The joke itself.

2). The fact that Bush 41 said he would never forget, but then immediately forgot and had to look down at the paper to remind him.

Regardless, this is funny stuff.

Self asphyxiation: Chemical warfare style.

The only possible way this story could get weirder would be if it involved Gargamel, Papa Smurf and a talking porpoise.

Ralph Santiago, 31, was found dead in the men’s toilets of the building he worked wearing Wellington boots, a wetsuit and gas mask.

His body was found by a colleague at about 7am on Tuesday, July 22, last year, lying on the floor with a gas canister nearby.

Further rubber/latex outfits were found in Mr Santiago’s car and in the ladies’ toilets of his workplace at Aquis House in Blagrave Street, Reading.

The evening before he died Mr Santiago printed off information from the internet explaining how inhaling “poppers” (legal chemicals used to stimulate a sexual high) via a gas mask can cause arousal.

When you hear stories like this, you really begin to realize the importance of Natural Selection and gene pool cleansing. I vote posthumous Darwin Award for this cat.

"If I can't have them, no one will" - said a Hard core Psycho.

VICTORVILLE, Calif. — Prosecutors say a spurned lover ambushed his ex-girlfriend and tried to cut out the breast implants he paid for by stabbing her.

San Bernardino County prosecutor David Foy says 28-year-old Thomas Rowley attacked his ex in July 2006 outside her mother’s home in Hesperia, northeast of Los Angeles.

Rowley is on trial in Superior Court in Victorville for attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon, stalking, burglary, and false imprisonment.

The 26-year-old woman survived six stab wounds and the punctured breast implants were repaired.

Rowley’s former roommate Dennis McGill testified this week that the defendant wanted to reclaim what was rightfully his.

In the most sadistic way possible, I can sympathize with this guy. It's like dating a girl in high school, but just before prom you break up and she loses her virginity to someone else. You made the investment. It's simply not fair. The fact that this guy actually used a knife to retrieve the implants seems more than a little ambitious. No one has manners anymore.

Ladies...just a bit of advice. If you're going to get breast implants, please please please get the new silicon like the "Natrelle." Like the picture above they don't leak if they rupture unlike saline and the old silicon. They look and feel natural. Oh, also, before your husband pays for them, make sure he's not a psychotic killer.

I hate people.

I haven't been secretive about my disdain for Beyonce, but my loathing extends far beyond that talentless wonder. "The 12th annual Famed Hottest Looks" list came out today and it seems 5'11" Brazilian tranny was knocked off as the most desirable female figure. That makes me giggle like a school girl, but then I kept reading and I saw who knocked her off. Jennifer Plainniston. Are they kidding? Seriously, cause if that's a joke, I get it and it's damn funny. If not, either a group of homosexual plastic surgeons or scorned women (including Anniston) got together to make this list up. She's not even the prettiest girl on Friends for the love of God. I am so tired of the pity party this broad gets. Who cares. Get over yourself. Your legs are nice, but you remind us everyday by wearing shorts on talk shows that barely cover your ass with 17" stripper pumps. You see girls prettier than this everyday. Face it, Jolie is like three million times prettier than you. It's like the media and everyone that watches the View and Oprah want to hand this girl a career. She sucks. She can't carry a movie without an ensemble cast or a dying dog. I wish the Academy of Motion Pictures would change the rules and let her give out the award for Best Actress in Leading Role and then have Jolie win. I bet Anniston would self immolate right there on stage.

Just an old sweet song....

Billy Powell, keyboardist for Lynyrd Skynyrd, passed away today due a suspected heart attack. If anyone is curious why I'm moving away from this hell hole, just check out this flowing mullet and excessive adipose tissue. What's really bad, is this is one of the people with money. Imagine the average Joe's. Orange Park is like the Mecca for 10-90's(10% in the front, 90% in the back) and toothless banjo players. I bet the average BMI is equal to the systolic hypertension number. No joke. It's so bad, the song that made Lynyrd Skynyrd famous had to be about Alabama.

I've heard of fiscal irresponsibility, but give me a break.

According to a story by Drudgereport.com, the economic stimulus aka (Economic ream us) package contains 330,000,000 in STD prevention. 330 million? I've never heard anything more ridiculous. STD prevention? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? I couldn't care less about rotting genitals. STD's will be the least of our worries if the credit crisis isn't addressed and inflation/deflation is controlled. Furthermore, the only group of people that need STD awareness programs are the bathroom stall foot tapping members of Congress. It's funny, if you look up the origin of the word, Congress, you'll find it's Latin for "Coming Together." I couldn't think of a more appropriate term. No wonder they feel the need for STD prevention. Democrats will find a way to waste your money. In the worst financial crisis in nearly 90 years, democrats make HPV and Herpes relavent. That's truly amazing.


Democrats may have eliminated provisions on birth control and sod for the National Mall in the "job stimulus" -- but buried on page 147 of the bill is stimulation for prevention of sexually transmitted diseases!

The House Democrats' bill includes $335 million for sexually transmitted disease education and prevention programs at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned.

Jackson Pollock would've been 97 today...

Google thought enough of Mr Pollock to have him as the search image today. To be honest, I knew he was post-modern, but I couldn't tell you one thing about this guy, so I looked him up on Wikipedia. Guess what? I still can't tell you one thing about him. Every painting I saw looked like it had been painted at a Parkinson's support group. I know this guy is a "genius" or whatever, but seriously, give me a strobe light and an epileptic and I'll give you a Jackson Pollock.

Jessica Simpson Won America's Next Top Model

The most ironic thing ever typed is as follows: Jessica Simpson performs at a chili cookoff in Pembroke Pines Florida. The problem with that is, I'm not convinced it's Jessica Simpson. Instead of Jessica, it could be Whitney, the Plus Sized season 10 winner of America's Next Top Model. I'm seriously not sure because there's no way in thirty-one hells the Dallas Cowboy quarterback beds this land beast. Afterall, Romo could have anyone...like the Daisy Duke wearing Jessica Simpson from Dukes of Hazzard. There's no way Romo would waste his time with Whitney, the plus size winner of America's Next Top Model. Whitney actually might be hotter than this Chili connoisseur, crisco smoothie drinking, hot dog eating champion.

Can you even pick out Whitney?

Tacos, fettucini, Linguini, martini, bikini...just stop having a boring life.

I've haven't wanted to order something off television so bad since 1999, when I liquidated all my stock in order to talk to Miss Cleo.

College of the Holy Cross Delivers...

This 2003 valedictorian of the College of the Holy Cross is President Barack Obama's head speechwriter. He's 27 years old and yet already has a Presidential Inaugural Address under his proverbial belt. He apparently snaps his fingers and girls come running. He's currently dating the girl below, Alejandra Campoverdi, who is a former Maxim model, former reality show contestant(For Love or Money), actress(Aviator), Harvard graduate, and aid to the White House Cheif of Staff. So, in synopsis, Jon Boy is making a mockery of average 27 year old dudes, by crushing everything he puts his hands on. I'm not going to go so far as to say I have a man crush on this guy, but if he were sitting below me in the mall, I would totally pour my Icee on his head ala Gary and Wyatt in Weird Science.

Native Americans grabbed their ankles in 1626

This is a split photo of the island of Manhattan now and in 1609. In 1626, Peter Minuit acquired Manhattan from native people in exchange for trade goods worth 60 guilders, often mistakenly said to be worth $24: 60 guilders back then had the approximate value of $1000 now.

So basically, Peter Minuit was the 1609 equivalent of Bernie Madoff.

Ive got 99 problems and Jay-Z is one.

In order for viable role models to rise up from the African-American community, behavior exhibited by artists like Young Jeezy, Jay Z, etc must be castigated. This has no place in American society and should be deplorable to all the strong African-American men and women that endured racism and slavery and fought for Civil Rights in this country.

I, too, sing America.

I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.

Tomorrow,
I'll be at the table
When company comes.
Nobody'll dare
Say to me,
"Eat in the kitchen,"
Then.

Besides,
They'll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed--

I, too, am America.
Langston Hughes

Well Mr Hughes, you're right more than you know. Indeed, tomorrow has come. The darker brother doesn't eat in the kitchen anymore, but instead, the White House and we all admire the beauty and fortitude. Sadly though, you're right, I am ashamed. I'm ashamed that through social progression and therefore equality, many have refused to relinquish their bigotry and self entitlement. Langston Hughes, Fredrick Douglass, MLK, Harriet Tubman, among others would be ashamed at the behavior and so-called leadership exhibited by modern-day black (pa)role models in the entertainment industry. Until divergent culture stops becoming a podium for perpetuating racism and starts becoming an instrument for social integration or at worst expressive diversity as it was in the Harlem Renaissance, Hughes singing America will be lost in translation. Jay-Z and Young Jeezy are ignorant imbiciles. They're an embarrassment to America. As a strong leader and great example to everyone, I wish President Obama would put on record that these two people couldn't score high enough to clip the roses in the rose garden of the White House. Ignorance never ceases to amaze me.

"You wanna know what really gets to me? Jan's a vegetarian. You see the hypocrisy? Jan's a vegetarian, he's a meat cutter."

If you haven't seen this gem directed by the late Ted Demme, who also directed Blow, then I hate you. This is one of the single greatest, most quotable movies ever. The unpretentious lean and poignant dialogue is beautifully written and even better performed. The Lolita aka "Dateline: To Catch a Predator" subplot with the precocious young Marty, played by Natalie Portman even works, despite the feeling that I'm watching something I shouldn't. There are so many reasons you need to watch this film if you haven't. Like most Cameron Crowe movies, the soundtrack is obscure and great, but unlike Crowe, Demme's Beautiful Girls actually delivers the entertainment that it promises. Trust me on this one.

I'm going to leave you staring at your fingers all afternoon...

So it goes that I'm reading this book, The Score: How The Quest For Sex Has Shaped The Modern Man, and boy have I been enlightened. In the book, and through subsequent additional reading, I've discovered a theory based on the relative length of the ring and index fingers and in utero exposure to testosterone and how they both develop the mind and body.

The hormone ‘testosterone’ is linked with many traits traditionally seen as masculine, such as aggression, becoming frustrated when you don’t get your way, and, most important of all, social dominance. Those in highly competitive occupations, such as actors and footballers, tend to have much higher levels than those in more caring jobs, such as nurses and the clergy. Men have much greater levels of testosterone in their bodies and brains than women.

Scientists believe that the amount of testosterone we were exposed to in the womb affects the ratio of index finger length to ring finger length. The higher the testosterone exposure, the longer the ring finger. Most women's index and ring fingers are almost equal because they have been exposed to less testosterone. If women have longer ring fingers, then they have more masculine tendencies. In most men, the ring finger is longer because they have higher testosterone levels. If men have ring fingers equal in length to their index fingers, or shorter, they have less masculine tendencies because they have been exposed to slightly less testosterone.

"Prenatal development is a black box," says John Manning of the University of Liverpool. He is one of a small number of scientist&: beginning to wonder if fingers could be used as a way of peering into that box.
In a paper just published in the journal Medical Hypotheses (vol. 54, p 855), Manning highlights conditions such as heart disease, breast cancer, autism and dyslexia. Both heart disease (in men) and breast cancer have been linked with high -levels of the female hormones oestrogen and progesterone. Most of the studies of this link have looked at circulating levels in the adult, but evidence is mounting that too much of the wrong hormone in the womb may be the real culprit.

This may or may not interest you, but I bet $2,000 you look at your hand.

Forrest Button...

I've seen this movie and I actually liked it a lot, but you can't deny the unsublte parallels between the two screenplays written by Eric Roth. It also further proves the theory that if you want to win awards you have to play a character afflicted.

The Curious Case of Forrest Gump - watch more funny videos

Studies show that being a pretty girl and standing next to Cheryl Cole can lead to suicide...

The bad part of being the girl beside Cheryl Cole is that she's really attractive...and she has huge legs. Don't you just inherently know that standing beside a "12" on a scale of 1-10, makes your measely "8.5" pale in comparison? For lack of a better metaphor, it's essentially like bringing a knife to a gunfight. Someone should make sure this girl dosn't have a brain tumor because this just isn't logical behavior.

Here Government, take more of my money. You invest it so much better than I do.

So, Bank of America acquires Merrill Lynch, absorbs bad Countrywide loans, and then gets nearly 140 billion in Gov't aid and guarantees against bad assets. I'm not an economist. I'm no Ben Graham. I don't even use my checkbook register, but I can tell this with absolute certainty: Spending 140 billion to bail out a company worth 20 billion is idiotic. The money we've paid into this corperate bail out won't be repaid to our children's children. How is this a good investment? People on Wall Street would laugh if this deal were introduced to them, but yet we're expected to absorb superfluous debt and greed with our hard earned money and not question where or to whom it goes. If you're not angry, you're not only not paying attention, you're an idiot.

President Barack H Obama

Like most newly inaugurated Presidents, I'm sure President Obama will sit in the Oval Office for the first time tonight and think to himself, "What do I do now?" He's got a tremendous amount of hurdles to clear and an American people that are thirsty for a promising tomorrow and the change they were promised. As an American and proud patriot, I wish for President Obama the best four years this nation has ever seen. God speed.