In a dream last night, I had a vision that spoke to me. I can’t be sure, but I’m pretty sure it was God. Being such a clever, all-knowing and ubiquitous God, he took the form of Heidi Klum, so it was really easy to keep my attention. During this dream, God informed me that no one has won the mega millions in the last few weeks because it was his intention raise the jackpot because 252 million, according to him, “wasn’t enough to completely fulfill my dreams.” Of course, I humbly agreed. As you can imagine, I was overwhelmed by the magnanimous offer and I woke up weeping in a pool of sweat. Again, as of tonight at 11:01pm EST, this blog will shut down due to the great people of Mega Millions and their grotesquely generous donation of 333 million dollars to fund my capricious lifestyle, my minimal philanthropies, and absurd social calendar.
Sincerely,
Trey
UPDATE: I didn't win. See you Monday.
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