Thursday, May 14, 2009
WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT
I don't know much about anything in the grand scheme of things; however, one thing I do know is sports. That being said though, I can't think of a single sport, hobby or past time more useless and unnecessary than hockey. I know I grew up in the south. I get that you northerners have nothing else to do, but get liquored up and skate around while you chase a small black puck on a frozen lake while you freeze your nuts off. Meanwhile, we're down here with girls in bikinis playing beach volleyball. To me, and most people outside of Minnesota, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont and New York, hockey is just an instrument to break arms and die falling through holes in semi-frozen lakes. Seriously, I couldn't tell you who's playing in the Stanley Cup. Is it over? Did it start? Does Gretzky still play? Did Lemieux survive lymphoma? Does that blue line really follow the puck or is that to make people who hate hockey and don't understand the game follow it easier. I mean how does this sport survive? If baseball is struggling due to falling attendance, I have to think this sport is on the brink of complete and total collapse. Good news for the NHL though. Elaine Lee is stoked out of her mind about the Canucks (Which I thought was a racial slur, but instead is actually the name of a team). I don't know which is worse, that Elaine is representative of the Canucks franchise, or if she is representative of Canada. Either way, and I'm trying my best to be nice, I have to deduce from this video that this is the fundamental reason I don't watch hockey. Despite Elaine's uncanny resemblance to the villian in Jennifer Aniston's first movie, I couldn't seen myself sharing a passion of the Canucks with her. Call me shallow. Call me superficial, but I simply have to draw the line somewhere. In fact, I would rather be forced to hike shoeless through the desert to watch the Saudi Arabian squash championships than watch one period of hockey on television.
Elaine, for the record, I am inspired by your passion. Go...Canucks?
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4 comments:
This, I would imagine, is how everybody remembers my performance last Saturday after my first attempt to drink sweet tea vodka.
Careful Buddy... Remember I live in the place where hockey is considered the "national pasttime... almost." Hockey in Minnesota is like football in Texas. We are the state of hockey. Our children are excused from classes on Minnesota Hockey Day. Up here, we live to live between the red line and blue line.
For the record:
Carolina, Chicago, Detroit and Pitt are still vying for the most coveted trophy in sports history.
The blue line is not put into place to confuse our southern brothers.
Gretzky coaches the Phoenix Coyotes.
Lemeuix survived his bout with the big C.
Canuck is not a racial slur. It is what we Minnesotan's call our neighbors to the north.
A forecheck is a good thing.
This lady is excited.
Seacrest, Out!
KK,
Hockey isn't even considered a regional "past time". To make hockey and football analogous, is like saying Justin Timberlake is the next Michael Jackson. Living between the red and blue line is done by default...there's nothing else to do. I would forgive you if you didn't know better, but you've been to football games in the south. Please don't blaspheme anymore.
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