Apparently over the weekend Jessica Simpson accompanied her sister in Vegas to celebrate Ashlee's birthday. If someone had shown me this picture five years ago when Jessica absolutely owned Daisy Dukes and Ashlee looked like Geppetto's wooden puppet, I would've sworn my penis was blackmailing me. I've never in my life seen one sibling's hotness decline while the other skyrockets to this degree. Based on this picture, as sick as it makes me to say this, Ashlee Simpson is engulfed in flames, while her sister Jessica, looks like my grandmother's grandmother in a black and white moo-moo. With regret to sounding hyperbolic, if Jessica Saimpson stood next to me at the bar and tried to pick me up, I would immediately order 3 shots of 151, pour it on my head, and light myself on fire.
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