Being Heidi Klum must be the easiest thing in recorded history. Essentially, everyone all day everyday falls at your feet to try to make you happy and get your approval...and that's just the women. Every man would swear celibacy for the rest of his life while fighting a starving polar bear armed with nothing but a PEZ dispenser and cap gun, for one opportunity to sleep with you. It's not fair. If anyone deserved the Nobel Peace Prize it should be Heidi except for instead of sending messages of peace and tranquility throughout the world, she encites territorial animalistic riots of furious flaming testosterone leaving millions of potential mates savagely disemboweled, while I stand at the apex of still warm corpses, mocking their inferior evolutionary skillset and rotting entrails.
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