Identity crisis circa 1990

When I was younger, I really really wanted to be African American. I don't mean that offensively. I mean, I truly did. I think that's the normal right of passage every run-of-the-mill suburban white kid goes through. When Kid-n-Play were popular and House Party was all the rage, I wanted Kid's hair more than you can imagine. I used to think about having a tall box cut like Kid, but hollowing out the inside and putting a plastic cover on top of it where you could store your pencils and other sundry items one might need throughout the day. Well, alas, I'm never gonna have hair that cool. I'm never gonna win a dance off like Kid does in House Party. I guess I'll just live as the run-of-the-mill suburbian who aspires to be more receptive and adaptable to pop culture trends.